


Can't Lose You

by Hime_no_Kowai_Shumi



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Abusive Derek Shepherd, Divorce, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Physical Abuse in later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-12
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:06:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 61,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26427586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hime_no_Kowai_Shumi/pseuds/Hime_no_Kowai_Shumi
Summary: Imagine Person A almost walks out into the street in front of a car and Person B quickly grabs and pulls back Person A before they get hit. Person B worriedly holds Person A close to them as the car passes while Person A is still in shock that they almost got hit. Meddison, S9 AU
Relationships: Arizona Robbins/Callie Torres, Jackson Avery/April Kepner, Lexie Grey/Mark Sloan, Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery, Miranda Bailey/Ben Warren, Teddy Altman/Cristina Yang, brief Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd
Comments: 188
Kudos: 269





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/gifts), [LordofLezzies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordofLezzies/gifts).



> S9 AU where no one dies. This idea came out of nowhere. The chapters are going to be pretty long, but hopefully you'll all stick through me. I've made a few differences than what was stated in canon, both Grey's and the few Private Practice equivalents, but I think it'll be good. Enjoy this first chapter.

Meredith sighed softly to herself as she stepped outside the hospital doors. It had been a long, grueling day at Seattle Grace Mercy West. Two days ago, they'd been rescued from the plane crash. They'd been missing for over a week. The Seattle Five, they were called. Her, Cristina, Mark, Derek, and Arizona. The ones who survived. But they weren't without their own scars, their own silent battles.

Mark was still recovering from his injuries he sustained in the plane crash, and Lexie had been sleeping in his room every night. She still had nightmares about her sister joining her and the others on the plane. Callie was in Arizona's room every morning before she started physical therapy for her new leg. She usually had Sofia with her so the blonde could see her little girl. It always made her smile seeing Arizona light up at Sofia. She knew how much losing her leg had affected her, but she was sure that overtime, she would know that it was to save her life.

Cristina was still off work, still not mentally ready to come back to work. Teddy was taking time off as well to care for her, something that she was sure bugged Owen to no end. She wasn't quite sure what was going on between Teddy and Cristina, but she knew that her best friend would tell her when the time was right.

Derek was in physical therapy for his hand. Since the crash, maybe even before that, he'd been distant. She wished she could figure him out. One minute he was happy, the next, he was angry. He was still adamant about going to Boston, but she knew it wasn't the right move, even if she'd initially been all for it. And that led to more fighting. She wasn't even sure if he would come home tonight. Amelia had Zola for the night, which means just maybe she could get something to drink before she went home.

She, like Cristina, was lucky. No internal injuries, no amputations, no life-altering surgeries. But the mental scars were there. Listening to Arizona scream and moan in pain, staying awake to keep the wolves away, listening to Jerry, their pilot, coughing up blood and eventually dying, while they were unable to do anything. Listening to Mark and Derek try to keep each other awake. It was so much, too much. Cristina had Teddy. Teddy was there for her. She didn't have anyone. Derek was worried about his hand, his career, and it wasn't like she could talk to Amelia, not about this. And she couldn't talk to Zola about it. She was alone, her mind its own warzone.

As lost in her thoughts as she was, she didn't see the car as it came speeding towards her.

* * *

Addison was still laughing quietly to herself as she stepped into the cold night air of Seattle at something Mark had said. The news of the plane crash sent her running back to check on her friends. Callie's wife Arizona had lost a leg to the crash, having to be amputated to save her life; Mark was healing from internal bleeding; Derek had damaged his hand trying to free himself from debris. Cristina was still off work, according to Callie, and Teddy Altman was staying with her. The rumor mill was that Cristina was a mute now, traumatized, and unable to fly again, though she had no idea if those rumors were true. But until she spoke to Cristina herself, she wouldn't speculate. And Meredith…

She paused. Honestly, she hadn't seen the former-dirty mistress today. She had been expecting to, even if only in passing. When she'd asked Derek, he'd fired off some excuse about her being in surgery. She'd barely managed to avoid rolling her eyes. Typical Derek. He was concerned about his hand, whether he could return to surgery, his career, his life, and hadn't even bothered to see how his girlfriend (wife?) was doing after this traumatic event. Besides, there was no way Meredith was cleared for surgery yet. As far as she knew, yesterday was the day everyone had been able to be moved from Boise Memorial, stable enough to be moved, yet sedated to be flown safely. There wasn't a part of her that objected to the sedation.

She'd left Mark's room, Lexie sleeping on the cot by his bed, his voice ringing in her ears.

"Maybe you can get yourself a Grey too. We can compare notes."

 _Maybe_. She rolled her eyes. Meredith Grey was with her ex-husband. Addison was a lot of things, but she wasn't going to destroy their relationship the way she'd ruined hers and Derek's.

The air hit her face, and she realized that Meredith was only a few steps in front of her, lost in thought.

"Meredith." She called in greeting.

The blonde didn't seem to hear her, just continued to walk. She cocked her head to the side, confused.

"Meredith?" She called again. And again, there was no response.

She saw the lights of the car, speeding in the lot. Heading right towards the woman. She saw Meredith start to step onto the asphalt and couldn't explain the sudden way her heart stopped.

"Meredith!" Her feet moved as she shouted the blonde's name, panicked.

She wrapped her arms around the blonde Attending, pulling her back seconds before the car zoomed past and kept going.

* * *

Meredith blinked as she was yanked back suddenly, the car zooming past her as she and the mystery person land hard on the ground. The fog surrounding her thoughts suddenly dissipated, the person's voice floating into her ears.

"...okay? What the hell were you even thinking? Christ, Meredith, you were rescued from a plane crash two days ago, for God's sake! Are you even listening to me?"

She looked up into the face of Addison Montgomery. Her face was slightly red from the cold. Her hair was slightly longer than the last time they'd seen one another, coming to rest just above her collarbone, her eyes still just as sharp. She was just as beautiful as ever. Wait, what?

She realized the redhead was still talking.

"...head CT."

"I'm fine," She replied automatically, attempting to detangle themselves from the mess she'd caused by her scatterbrained thoughts, "Just zoned out."

Addison's eyes roamed over her face again, and she felt her body heat up in a way it shouldn't have, not out in this cold. She felt completely out of touch with herself. Addison reached out her hand to help her up, and she felt the electric shock shoot through her body. What was wrong with her?

"Let's get you checked out real quick," Addison said, gently pulling her towards the hospital doors.

"I'm _fine_ ," She insisted. When the redhead ignored her, she huffed, "Dr. Montgomery."

Worried blue eyes captured hers, and whatever else she was going to say fled her brain in a rush.

"Don't _Dr. Montgomery_ me, Meredith."

* * *

Addison wasn't even sure what had come over her. Meredith Grey wasn't her responsibly. Her heart was still racing from adrenaline. Had she not gotten there in time, Meredith would be in surgery right now, or possibly even dead. She hated the dread she felt at the thought. She hated what that meant.

"Richard should still be here," She started.

"No," Meredith interjected, "He'll think something is wrong."

 _Something is wrong_ , she wanted to say, but she held her tongue.

"Who do you want then?"

"You're so insistent about it, you do it."

Normally, she would argue. It was late, but her flight wasn't until evening tomorrow, so it wasn't like she needed to be up early. She was just relieved that Meredith was allowing the exam. She walked with the woman to an empty exam room. Just one quick exam and then she would be able to sleep tonight. She nudged the blonde into the room, unaware of the pair of eyes watching them.

* * *

Derek Shepherd was not a stupid man. Arrogant at times, yes, egocentric maybe. But stupid? Oh no. So, when he saw his ex-wife leading his current wife into an exam room, he knew exactly what was going on. Really, he couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before. He'd been right all those years ago. She really was just a cheating whore. Why didn't he see it before? Or maybe he had just ignored it. He fixed his coat, heading towards the door.

* * *

Meredith blinked as Addison waved the penlight in front of her eyes.

"Addison," Her voice held an edge of a whine to it, "come on, I'm fine."

"Stop saying that word," Addison's voice was a near growl as she waved the pen again, "You didn't see a car that was speeding towards you."

"I got lost in my thoughts. My eyesight is," She bit her lip as she started to say _fine_ , "my eyesight is okay."

The corners of Addison's mouth went up slightly. Addison put away the penlight and moved to check her vitals. As Addison moved to grab her stethoscope, the door was pushed open loudly. Despite herself, she jumped. And then she felt childish for doing so. It was just a door. But as soon as she made eye contact with Derek, she felt a sudden sense of unease. He was angry. No, he was livid. Over what, she didn't know, but she'd only ever seen this anger a few times. When he'd flung her engagement ring into the woods. When she'd messed with his clinical trial. When he was so mad that she worried that maybe he would hit her.

She didn't realize she'd grabbed Addison's hand until she felt the pad of her thumb running gentle circles along the back of hers.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Derek's voice was nothing more than a bark, an order.

She opened her mouth to answer, but no sound came out.

* * *

Derek's anger and Meredith's reaction to it had Addison's patience extremely thin. She didn't have time for his games, not tonight, not right now.

"How's your hand?" She questions in lieu of answer to his question.

"What. Is. Going. On?" Derek repeated.

She met his gaze coldly, "A car tried to run your girlfriend over. I pulled her out of the way. She was spaced out."

"I'm fine," She heard Meredith grumble under her breath.

"And you had to do the exam? You should've paged me!"

"Lower your voice," She hissed. Briefly, she wondered why Meredith hadn't asked for Derek, or even paged him herself. Though seeing his reaction now, she could understand why. He hadn't even asked if she was okay.

Meredith sighed and moved to stand, "Thanks, Addison, but I'm okay, really."

As she stood, she stumbled just slightly. Instinctively, she reached out to steady her. _Like hell she was fine_ , she thought to herself. For the second time, their eyes met. She felt her heartbeat quicken.

"Are you sure?" She wasn't completely convinced. Even with the exam interrupted, she still noticed things. Meredith's unfocused gaze, her quickened pulse. It was worrisome.

Meredith smiled softly, "I'm sure."

Derek's voice broke the moment, "There, you see? Now, let's go home Meredith."

"I'll still be here tomorrow, Meredith," She said as Meredith moved to the door, to Derek, "No one likes to be a patient, but I'd like you to check in with me please."

"Sure thing," Meredith agreed as Derek practically pulled her out the door.

She didn't miss the glare he sent her way either. Not wanting to follow the couple out, she made her way back up to Mark's room. For a few minutes, she watched him sleep, the way his hand held Lexie's as Little Grey slept in the cot beside him. She wanted that. That security. That love and devotion.

 _Maybe you should get yourself a Grey too_. Mark had said jokingly. She thought back to Meredith's hand in hers, the unease she felt at Derek's yelling, the way Meredith had shrunk slightly in response. Derek Shepherd didn't deserve Meredith Grey. The sad thing was, she knew she didn't either.

* * *

Meredith wretched her arm out of Derek's grasp the moment she could, unconsciously rubbing the throbbing area. There was no reason for him to grab her so hard. Besides, she could walk.

"Let's go to Joe's," Derek said, reaching for her again.

She dodged his hand, "I'm tired, Derek. I want to go home."

He tried again, reaching out towards her, and she barely stopped herself from flinching as his hand cupped her cheek. God, what was wrong with her? She loved him. She knew he wouldn't hurt her.

He sighed softly as he took her hand, gentler this time, and together they walked to the car. She started towards the driver's side when his voice stopped her.

"What are you doing?"

She looked at him in the semi-lit lot, tilting her head in confusion, "Driving home?"

He shook his head, "I'm alright to drive."

She looked from him to his still-bandaged hand and commented dryly, "You have one hand."

"I'm good to drive."

"We're not fighting over this, Derek," She replied adamantly, "I drove us in, I can drive us home."

The calm demeanor changed in an instant, his eyes stormy with anger, "I said it's fine, Meredith."

"Derek," She started with a weary sigh.

He crossed the distance between them in an instant, snatching the car keys from her. She felt her heart leap into her throat, felt her body start to tremble in anger and the tiniest hint of fear. She didn't _do_ fear. She was Meredith Grey, damn it.

"Get in the car, Meredith." He breathed the words so quietly that she almost missed them.

She stepped away from him, her mind made up, "Fine, take the car, Derek, but I'm not going home with you. I'll call a cab."

"Meredith," Frustration edged into his voice, but she ignored it, walking back towards the hospital.

She didn't bother looking back, hearing him curse and the slam of the car door, the rev of the engine. It wasn't until she was almost to the door that she saw Addison walking towards the exit. Curious blue eyes found hers, and all thoughts of Derek were forgotten.

* * *

Addison was confused seeing Meredith walking towards the hospital entrance, even more confused not seeing Derek with her. It had only been about ten minutes, but she was sure the two would've been gone by now.

"Where's Derek?" She asked as she watched the Attending enter the hospital.

Meredith rolled her eyes, not at her, but at whatever Derek had done, "The Neuro-God decided he was fit to drive."

She sympathized with Meredith. Sometimes, Derek was single-minded.

"Would you like a ride home? No offense, Meredith, but you look like you could fall over any second."

It was almost cute the way Meredith's nose scrunched up at the accusation, "I was going to call a cab."

"I can charge you," She joked and was rewarded with a half-smile from the blonde, "It's up to you, Meredith, but I would feel better knowing that you got home safe."

"I almost don't want to go home. Zola is with Amelia tonight, and I know that he'll just want to start another fight."

She knew that well. Another fight, another accusation. Another night of him sleeping anywhere but next to her.

"Come home with me then," She blurted the words without thinking, and then immediately regrets it. They weren't friends, not really, they were barely colleagues. She was the adulterous ex-wife, and Meredith was the wronged other woman, the ex-dirty mistress. In what world could they ever be friends?

Meredith blinked up at her, startled at the offer, "What?"

Okay, she could fix this. Just redact the offer. Except, when she opened her mouth, redaction was the last thing on her mind, "My hotel is downtown. We can get take-out and complain about Derek. And that way I can keep an eye on you."

"Chinese?" Meredith asked skeptically, and she smiled. Derek hated Chinese food.

"All the Chinese you want."

Meredith's smile was a welcomed relief from the hell she'd stepped into. And for the first time since coming back from L.A. into the shitstorm that was the plane-crash, she had faith that everything would turn out alright.

* * *

The numbers on the clock read close to midnight when Derek picked up his phone and dialed Meredith. She still wasn't home, and it was both worrisome and infuriating. He didn't build this house for her to sleep in it alone.

 _You've reached Doctor Meredith Grey. I can't come to the phone right now, but leave a message and_ …

He growled low in this throat as he hung up, not even bothering to leave a message. As of late, she was grating on his nerves. They were both in the plane crash, and she was probably the only one who came out the most unscathed. She didn't have to worry about her surgical career possibly ending. She didn't have to worry about her best friend taking a nosedive in the middle of the night. Hell, even Cristina was lucky, even if she'd suddenly gone mute from the trauma. But Meredith was fine. That's what she said, so what right did he have to disagree with her? She knew herself better than he did after all. He wished she would focus on him for once; he was struggling, and she was fine.

He glanced over at the clock again, watching the numbers change over to 12:30. He suddenly felt angry. She said she would be home, and she lied. As he turned over to sleep, he thought of just where his wife was. If she wasn't going to be home, she shouldn't have lied to him that she would be.

* * *

Addison was jostled awake by flailing limbs, Meredith's quiet pleading reaching her ears. She reached out for the woman, trying to coax her awake.

"Meredith," She whispered softly.

The blonde jolted awake, reaching forward and clinging onto the front of her shirt on instinct, physically shaking and crying. Her heart ached for the woman. Hesitantly, she wrapped her arms around Meredith's back, reassuring her softly. And if Meredith buried her face into her shirt again, she wouldn't tell anyone. She wasn't sure how long it was before Meredith stopped crying, but she didn't look at the time. She didn't care.

This was what she had been worried about; no matter everyone thought, Meredith wasn't as fine as she liked everyone to believe.

"I keep dreaming," Meredith began quietly, "that Lexie was on the plane with us. That she died out there."

"She wasn't. She didn't." She answered as she drew circles on Meredith's back in an attempt to calm her.

"It felt so real," In the quiet of the night, she felt Meredith's haunted eyes on her.

She just wanted to take the pain away.

"It wasn't," She reassured her. She could feel the change in the air, and it scared her.

Their breath mingled together for long moments. She'd never felt such a pull before. She wanted to close the distance between them, wanted to take all of Meredith's fears away.

When they'd gotten ready for bed, she had no problems sleeping beside the woman. It was platonic. Friends did this. And they were sort-of friends. They stayed up late and talked about cases and L.A., and anything but Derek. She'd long ago started to see Meredith as more than the woman who stole her husband. She was a talented surgeon, someone who was just as broken as she was, just as strong as she was.

"Addison," Meredith's voice was soft, and she was reminded of the blonde being high on morphine.

 _I know you hate me and all._ Meredith leaned up, their lips a breath away, and she felt her body heat up. She could never hate Meredith. She ran to L.A. to hide the fact that she was falling in love with the intern her husband had left her for. When she came back the first time, when Meredith had been a resident, she should've told her. Instead, she tried to push them back together and left again. Because she was tainted. She didn't deserve her. And then again, coming back for Archer and Callie, but by then, it'd been too late. She was always too late.

"Meredith," She replied just as softly.

 _I don't hate you_.

* * *

Meredith closed the distance between them, but Addison didn't stop her, didn't push her away. Salty tears were still on her lips, but Addison didn't seem to care as she deepened the kiss. She would do anything to push the nightmare from her mind.

She should stop, she knew it. Reluctantly, she felt Addison pull away, and she moaned in disappointment. Addison's shuddering upon hearing the sound nearly made up for it. She needed more, damn it. She moves from the redhead's mouth to her neck, pressing open kisses to the soft skin, smirking victoriously as Addison moaned. That was a win for her.

"Meredith," Addison hissed softly, "Meredith, we can't."

She couldn't help but notice Addison wasn't pushing her away. In fact, Addison's hands continued to run along her back gently, in a calming manner. She could feel Addison's pulse beating beneath her tongue. She pulled away slowly, breathing hard. She'd never felt this before. Desire pulsed through her, heady and encompassing. _Not even with Derek_. She froze.

"Oh God," The realization of just what she'd done fully sunk in.

She felt the burning shame and guilt. This was wrong. She knew it. This time, she was the adulterous whore, and Addison was Mark Sloan. Even if it was only kissing, she'd cheated on her husband with his ex-wife. The irony wasn't lost on her. He'd cheated with her on Addison, after all.

"We can stop," Addison's voice was measured, like she was trying to convince herself.

"What if I don't want to?" She'd already gone this far. She just needed something to take her mind off of the crash. Maybe, maybe this was fair. Maybe it was karma.

"Meredith, you don't want to make the same mistake I did," Addison gently stroked her cheek, and unlike with Derek, she didn't flinch away, "I don't want you to get hurt by him again."

Her body felt on fire, and all she wanted to do was cool it down.

"I don't want to talk about him tonight," She leaned forward again, capturing Addison's lips once again, "Help me forget."

She felt Addison's resolve crack as she kissed her back. Nimble fingers pulled at her clothes, stripping her quickly. She moaned as those same fingers found her wet and slick, pumping two fingers inside her, and then three.

"Meredith."

"Addison, fuck." She twisted slightly so she was sitting overtop the redhead.

"Meredith."

"Please," She hissed out. She was so close. Fuck, so close…

"Meredith." She felt the softness of a pillow hit her face, waking her instantly.

She sat up slowly, looking over at Addison, who stood in the doorway of the bathroom, wearing a soft-looking robe, her hair wet from the shower.

"Shower's free if you want to get one before work."

She fell back on the bed, staring at the ceiling. It had all been a dream. _Fuck_.

* * *

Addison didn't like how quiet Meredith was being on the drive to work. She suspected that it had something to do with how vulnerable she'd been last night, and she was trying to figure out a way to reassure the new Attending that everything was okay. On the other hand, she wasn't sure if Meredith was much of a morning person. What if she didn't talk much in the mornings? Maybe Meredith was quiet by nature, but that didn't mean she had to like it. She took a slow breath. She wasn't one to shy away from something like this.

"Are you alright?" She questioned gently, "You haven't spoken much."

Meredith turned to her, looking slightly startled, like she was shocked that she'd spoken at all, "I don't remember what happened last night. I had a nightmare, I think."

"About Lexie," She confirmed, "You were thrashing in your sleep. You calmed down enough to fall back asleep." It didn't feel right to tell her about her sleep-talking or the way she'd clung to the front of her night shirt, how she'd fallen back asleep holding tight to her.

"That's all?" Meredith looked relieved at her admission, and she felt her heart plummet.

Thoughts about their near-kiss flooded her mind, but it seemed like she was the only one excited about that. She swallowed roughly, "That's all."

She just needed to get through the day and then back to L.A. tonight.

* * *

Derek stalked into the hospital, his anger rolling off of him in waves. He could maybe understand Meredith not coming home, but she hadn't even acknowledged his phone calls or texts. Amelia had called to say that she was fine keeping Zola another night. Hopefully, that meant that he and Meredith could actually talk tonight.

As he made his way into the Attendings lounge, he finally found Meredith. His haze of anger disappeared instantly, at least until he realized who she was talking to. Addison. What was she still doing here? She'd checked in on everyone already. Why couldn't she just go back to L.A. so they could all get on with their lives?

The two women had yet to acknowledge him. For some reason that made him angrier. Meredith was in the process of handing something back to Addison. When he looked closer, he saw that it was Addison's Yale hoodie.

"Why do you have that?" He questioned, pulling the two women out of their conversation. Meredith glanced at him, something akin to guilt in her eyes, and he felt his patience being tested. Had she actually cheated on him? And with Addison? Surely not.

* * *

Addison's fingers brushed against the fabric of her old hoodie. She hadn't seen it in years, not since the night Mark had borrowed it during a rainstorm. His boyish grin was still engrained in her memory, the promise that he'd give it back to her the next day. She'd given up on ever getting it back.

"Lexie found it in Mark's apartment, in a box. He said it was yours," Meredith explained.

She made a mental note to visit Mark before she left today, "It was. Mark had borrowed it in college. I never thought I'd get it back, so I bought another one."

"Oh," Meredith replied softly.

Staring at the object of her affections, she thought back to last night, to their almost kiss. That's what it was, right? She was so sure that Meredith was going to kiss her, was anticipating it. When she'd snuggled into her arms and fell asleep instead, she was disappointed. And then she was angry at herself for that disappointment. Meredith wasn't single, wasn't hers. She should've been glad.

"Keep it," She placed her hands on the worn clothing.

"Are you sure?" She hated the frown Meredith wore, wanted nothing more than to kiss it away.

 _Damn it, Addison, get a grip_.

"Why do you have that?" Derek's voice was accusatory, and she let out a slow breath. He certainly knew how to ruin the mood. He looked between the two of them before settling his gaze on Meredith, "You never came home last night. You said you were going to take a cab."

In all the time she'd known Meredith, she never saw the woman as weak. She always spoke her mind, stood up for what she believed in. So, to see Meredith shrink back in fear twice in less than twelve hours unsettled her.

"Can we do this later?" Meredith asked, her fingers tightening on the hoodie as she reflexively pulled it into her chest.

"You're wearing the same clothes as yesterday," He hissed out, not even caring that she was standing right there.

They were friends. She decided right then and there. She and Meredith were friends. And friends didn't let each other get verbally abused by whatever Derek was. She stepped forward, her eyes simmering with anger.

"And just how did you get home last night, Derek? I'm sure Callie would love to know that you were straining your hand. It's not going to heal right if you use it."

"Piss off, Addison," He bit out, and she knew she'd struck a nerve. He turned to Meredith again, "Where the hell were you last night?"

* * *

Meredith wasn't exactly sure how they'd gotten into this situation, with Derek accusing her of God knows what and Addison defending her. She appreciated Addison more in this moment than she did last night. Flashes of her dream filtered through her consciousness. Their breath mingling together, desire pulsating through her. It hits her like a bucket of water that what she was remembering wasn't a dream. She'd been extremely close to kissing the redhead. And it seemed like Addison was completely okay with that. She'd never heard her name sound so revered.

"Where the hell were you last night?" Derek's question broke through her thoughts.

She looked at him, really looked at him. For the first time, she felt that she could truly see past the McDreamy persona he put out. She was seeing past his perfect hair and perfect smile. Past his brilliance. He was arrogant, egotistical. He was jealous, angry. And, God, so controlling. He dangled surgery over her head as a reward. She'd fallen for his looks without seeing all of him. How could she have been so stupid?

"Answer me!" He yelled, and she jumped. She felt like a little kid again, her father gone, her mother too busy with work.

_I raised you to be an extraordinary human being, so imagine my disappointment when I wake up after 5 years and discover you're no more than ordinary._

"It's none of your business where I was," She replied, anger in every syllable.

"I am your husband!" He roared.

The ring burned on her finger, a reminder of another mistake she'd made. It may have gotten her Zola, but she didn't want to be married to him anymore. She took off the rings, tossing them at him.

"I want a divorce." She snarled the words, sick of it all, and in the silence that followed, she stormed past him.

He was too shocked to even stop her. That worked well enough for her. The clicking of heels on the floor as Addison followed quickly behind her reminded her that the neonatal surgeon had been in the room during that entire fight.

* * *

Derek was still in shock, and if she was honest, she was too. She almost didn't believe it happened. But the rings were on the floor in front of Derek, and Meredith was quickly storming away. She picked up her hoodie that Meredith had dropped and moved past Derek, not bothering to glance back at him. She needed to find Meredith. God, Meredith could walk fast when she wanted to.

She saw Meredith enter a stairwell, and she quickly followed.

"Meredith, wait," She called out to the fleeing woman, "please."

She was relieved when Meredith listened, stopping on the next landing. She stood beside her, waiting for her to say something. She didn't have to wait long.

"I need a lawyer."

Despite the situation, she felt herself smile, "I know an excellent one." Meredith turned to face her and looked at the hoodie pensively, "You dropped it," She said gently, holding it out.

She felt the tension in the air then, Meredith gazing into her eyes. Their fingers met as Meredith reached for the hoodie, and she felt electricity shoot through her at the touch. _Shit_.

"Thanks," Meredith said.

"You're welcome," She felt her eyes drop to the blonde's lips. _Fuck_.

"Addison," Meredith's voice was quiet, and she felt her body react.

She needed to touch her, needed to kiss her. She held onto Meredith's waist as she gently pushed her against the wall. Like last night, their breath mingled. One beat. Two. The hospital disappeared around them, leaving them in a world of their own. Meredith gazed into her eyes, and she found herself transfixed. But she knew they shouldn't do this. She'd promised herself she wouldn't ruin their marriage.

"We shouldn't."

"Please," Meredith breathed out, and with that one word, she knew that there was no way she could ever tell her no.

She leaned down to capture her lips in a gentle kiss, and she smiled softly as Meredith moaned, returning the kiss just as gently. Meredith arched into her, her fingers tangling into her hair as the kiss was deepened, and she couldn't stop her own moan from slipping out. She pulled back slowly, gazing down into Meredith's hungry eyes, trying to control the urge to kiss her again.

Luckily, or maybe unluckily, their pagers went off in tandem.

Annoyed, Meredith looked at hers, "Bailey."

She couldn't quite stop the smirk from slipping onto her lips, "Chief Hunt."

"I should ah…" Meredith started.

She couldn't resist, just one more kiss. As she pulled away and headed towards the doorway, she spoke, "I'll get my lawyer to draw up those papers for you, Dr. Grey."

"Thanks for the consult, Dr. Montgomery," Came Meredith's immediate reply.

She laughed, "Anytime."

* * *

Addison knocked loudly on Owen's door, opening it a bit. She was still on her high from her kiss with Meredith, and she was riding that high quite well.

"You needed to see me?" She questioned, looking into the room.

He smiled at her reassuringly, "Dr. Montgomery, come in."

"Addison," She corrected him.

"Addison," He amended, "I was hoping to talk to you about taking over Arizona's patients while she's recuperating."

She arched an eyebrow, "You know I'm only here to check up on my friends, don't you? I have a private practice in L.A. I have a cat."

"I know, I know, but hear me out."

She looked at the clock and then sat down across from him, "You have 15 minutes before Mark is expecting me upstairs."

Mark wasn't expecting her, but she didn't expect Owen to know that.

* * *

"Grey," Bailey called out as Meredith made her way back to the Attendings lounge. Bailey was joined by Alex and April. She was relieved to see that Derek wasn't in the room, "Nice of you to join us."

"Won't happen again," She replied immediately. Bailey looked her over, and she realized she was still holding the hoodie, still not in her scrubs, "I'm still not cleared for surgery," She offered as an explanation.

"Your interns have already been picked out, they arrive in a few weeks," Bailey started to hand her the list before stopping. She looked her over once again, "Unless you'd rather someone else to take over until you're cleared."

"I'll be cleared before the get here," She grabbed for the list and read it over, "I'm fine."

"Is that even a word anymore?" Alex questioned.

She rolled her eyes, "I have a meeting with my therapist today," She looked at the clock and then pulled her hoodie over her head, "And I'm going to be late for it apparently."

Lexie came running into the room, breathing hard, "I'm here. What's wrong?"

Bailey glared at April, who blinked innocently, "You didn't tell me which Grey."

"It was for me, Lexie," She explained to her sister.

"Oh," She looked at the hoodie with a secret smile, "You didn't go to Yale."

She rolled her eyes with her own smile, "Nope, I didn't."

She didn't do hugs. She was dark and twisty. But she would never take her sister's hugs for granted ever again.

"I'm going to go tell Mark!" Lexie said excitedly into her ear.

"Don't you dare," She whispered back, "I haven't even gotten the papers filed."

For the first time in a very long time, Meredith felt free. She hadn't felt trapped in her relationship with Derek, but he always seemed to put his surgeries ahead of her, his career ahead of hers, his ambitions over the family she'd wanted with him. And she deserved more than that. She thought of Addison and smiled softly. Soon, she would be free to love who she wanted.

 _I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke_. She remembered telling Derek that. As she mused, she caught sight of red hair. She looked over Lexie's shoulder to see Addison and Callie coming into the room.

"Have you heard the news?" Callie asked with a smile.

"News?" She pulled from Lexie's hug, looking at the two of them confused.

"Addison is taking over Arizona's cases until Arizona's back."

"Oh great," Alex groaned, but she could hear his smile.

"Just until Robbins is back?" Bailey questioned with a small laugh.

Addison smirked, "For right now."

She had to keep the blush off her face as Bailey looked between her and Addison, "For right now," The woman mimicked.

"You have time before your appointment?" Addison asked, turning to her.

She nodded, and just like in the stairwell, it felt like they were the only two in the room.

"I have to get to the pit," April said, brushing past the two of them and Callie.

"I'm going to check on Mark before rounds," Lexie said, hugging Meredith again before exiting the room.

Callie glanced at Meredith's hoodie with confusion, "I didn't know you went to Yale."

Alex laughed, placing his hand on Callie's shoulder, "Let's go check on Arizona."

"Oh uh," Callie looked back at Addison, "Lunch?"

"Sure," Addison confirmed.

* * *

There weren't many things that scared Addison, much less people. But there was something about Miranda Bailey that scared her. Not enough for her to show it, of course, but still. So, when Bailey stepped towards them, she had to force herself not to step back.

"Does Shepherd know?"

"Not about," Meredith stopped and started again, "I'm serving him divorce papers as soon as they're drawn up."

"And how did this," She pointed a finger between them, "start?"

She bit her lip, "Last night, Meredith almost walked out in front of a car."

"That I didn't see." Meredith added.

She sighed softly, squaring her shoulders, laying everything out on the table, "Maybe the feelings started back when we first met, but nothing happened until today. Meredith told Derek she wanted a divorce and threw her rings at him. All we did was kiss."

Bailey looked between them again before she headed to the door, "Fine," The shorter woman looked at her again, "Don't hurt her, Montgomery."

"I won't." And she meant it.

"And you," Meredith looked up at Bailey bewildered, "Have you heard from Yang?"

"No, I was going to call after my session."

Bailey nodded and then smiled softly, "Good." And then she was gone.

Left alone again, she turned to Meredith, wrapping her arms around the blonde, "You do look good in my clothes."

She loved seeing the blush crawl up Meredith's neck, settling warmly on her cheeks, "What did you want to talk about? I really do need to get to my appointment."

She pressed a soft kiss on her lips, unable to resist, "My lawyer is drawing up papers on your behalf. I hope that was okay."

She would never get tired of feeling Meredith pressed against her.

"Yeah," Meredith agreed, "It's fine." She made an annoyed noise from the back of her throat. Meredith smiled at her, "It's perfect."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Enjoy this next chapter!

As Meredith sat across from Dr. Wyatt, she remembered the first time she’d started to book appointments. After Derek began seeing Rose. Back then, she couldn’t sleep, couldn’t focus. She hadn’t been able to get him out of her head. It felt like decades had passed since that first meeting.

“How are you feeling today, Meredith?”

She mauled over the question, really thinking about it. She hated psychologists, hated the way they could get into your head. And yet… 

_“When are you going to stop suggesting I’m suicidal?”_ She remembers asking the question.

_“When you start acting like someone that wants to be alive.”_

She wasn’t sure how to answer the question. She was feeling too many things.

“I’m divorcing Derek,” She answered instead, looking towards a spot on the wall.

“How did that happen?”

She thought about everything that had happened in the last week, no, the last 6 years. Meeting Derek, the sex, the break-ups, the arguments, losing George, Izzie leaving, the shooting, getting Zola, the plane crash, a week of complete torture, waiting to get rescued, trying to stay alive. She thought of Derek’s hand, his ability to operate again. He said that she was like a breath of fresh air, but she always felt so stifled by his career. She loved him, his McDreamy smile. And yet she knew that smile belied so many things. And while she knew that he loved Zola… 

“I just…” 

The memory filters in slowly, in hazy snippets.

_Catching the hint of red hair and a white coat walking past her door._

_“Addison? Dr Montgomery-Shepherd?”_

_Addison walking into her room, her movements jerky, as if she wanted to be anywhere else, amusement in her tone as she said, “You bellowed, Dr Grey?”_

_“Hi.”_

_“You certainly are, aren’t you?”_

_Why couldn’t she remember more?_

_“Are you okay?”_

_Addison sighed, reserved. She definitely wanted to be anywhere else, “Fine. How are you?”_

_The conversation was still so hazy._

_“How come we’ve never talked like this before?”_

_Addison smiled, indulgent and secretive,_ “ _The only reason we’re talking like this now is because I know you won’t remember a single word of this when the drugs wear off_.”

“Meredith,” She jumped as Dr. Wyatt placed a hand on her knee, pulling her from her thoughts, “Where were you?”

“Nowhere,” She replied automatically, “Just a memory.”

Seeming to accept the answer, Dr Wyatt went back to the present matter, “Why are you getting divorced?”

“Because Derek doesn’t care about my career. He doesn’t care about what I went through out there.”

“After the plane crash?”

“Yes!” She stood up with a renewed fury that had been simmering for months, “He acts like his career is the only one that matters. He wants to move us to Boston because he may not be able to do surgery again and wants to teach instead. I wake up from nightmares every night and suffer in silence because he’s not home. He just assumes everything is fine because I’m talking and have all my limbs, but I’m not! I’m the furthest thing from okay, and he doesn’t care!” Tears blur her vision, but she blinks them away rapidly, “And I’m so worried about everyone else that I almost got hit by a car last night.” She says it as an afterthought before quickly adding, “But I’m not suicidal, okay? I didn’t intentionally step out in front of it. Addison isn’t so sure, but...”

“Addison?”

“Dr. Montgomery,” She clarified, “She pulled me away at the last second; she saved my life. She’s staying on for a few months to take over Arizona’s OB cases,” She caught Dr. Wyatt’s soft smile as she continued to write on the pad, her voice a quiet murmur. “What?”

“I just haven’t heard you talk this much in a long time,” The older woman looked at the clock, “Are you sure that divorcing Derek isn’t a reaction to the trauma of the crash?”

She thought about the plane crash, screaming for Derek, trying to find him. She loved him, she did. She probably always would, but he’d changed. He wasn’t who she’d met at the bar all those years ago. They’re grown apart, fighting over work, fighting over household chores. It was like he had a problem with anything she did. She thought of his anger from the last couple of days. She knew part of it was frustration over his hand, but still… 

She thought back to the stairwell, Addison’s body keeping her gently against the wall, their kiss making her toes curl. When was the last time Derek’s kiss had done that?

“I think,” She began slowly, mauling over her words, “it was inevitable. We just don’t work anymore.”

“Well then,” Dr Wyatt closed her notepad, “I would still like to see you once a week for a month. It’ll be just to check in and see how you’re doing, but all things considered, I’m clearing you for surgery, Meredith.”

Relief flooded through her, “Thank you.”

As she headed towards the door, Dr Wyatt’s voice followed her out, “I didn’t know you went to Yale.”

She smiled softly, “I didn’t.”

* * *

From her prone position on the bed, Cristina heard her phone ring. She was tempted to just ignore it, and she would’ve, had Teddy not come into the room. She looked at her patiently as she answered the phone.

“Hello?” She listened for a few seconds before setting the phone beside her on speaker, “It’s Meredith, Cristina.”

She was relieved when Teddy sat beside her on the bed, the phone between them.

“I got cleared for surgery today.” 

_Good_ , she wanted to say, _I’m proud of you_. But she couldn’t speak past the screaming in her head. Arizona screaming, Mark moaning in pain, Derek trying to keep Jerry awake. The sound of wolves tearing him apart, long after he was dead, hoping they wouldn’t come for them next. Meredith would check in with her, reassuring her that she was fine, but she heard her at night, crying for Lexie, Lexie who was safe in Seattle, crying because of nightmares that she’d joined them on the flight.

“I’m leaving Derek.” She jerked from her thoughts at the revelation, staring at the phone. She never thought Derek deserved Meredith, not after all the shit he put her through, but she never thought Meredith would actually leave him, “And Addison is taking her position as Head of OB back while Arizona is off work.”

_Good. I’ll be nice to have Satan back_.

“That’s good,” Teddy said in her place, running her fingers through her hair gently. She was so glad Teddy was here, that she understood her and didn’t try to push her to talk.

“Will you come in and talk to Dr. Wyatt?” Her person sounded almost pleading, “It’ll help. I know we hate psychiatrists, but it’ll really help.”

_Maybe_.

“I’m sure she’ll think about it,” Teddy answered for her again.

She would as soon as she could make all the screaming stop.

“And there’s something else,” Meredith sounded almost hesitant. In all the years she’s known her, hesitant wasn’t something she associated with the blonde. _Spit it out, Mere. Tell me_.

She picks up a voice on Meredith’s end of the phone, distant, “There you are.”

_Was that Satan herself?_

“Hi,” Meredith breathed out, and there was something different in her tone as she addressed Addison.

_No way. No. Way_.

“You’re divorcing McDreamy for Satan.” She queried, her voice coming out rough from disuse.

Teddy looked at her in shock, and she realized for the first time since this whole ordeal started, the screaming stopped.

Meredith chuckled, her voice wet with tears as she confirmed, “Yeah. I’m divorcing McDreamy for Satan.”

She exchanged a look with Teddy, and Teddy smiled, nodding.

“I’m dating Teddy.” It felt so good to get that off her chest. She hated keeping it the secret from Meredith. There were inklings after the shooting, moments where she thought they’d get together, but then there was Owen and Henry, and everything was too complicated. It took months after Henry’s death before she felt comfortable enough to ask Teddy out. The guilt over being the one that failed to save Henry got to her; but now, three months in, she knew that her guilt just made her want to show Teddy that she would give her the world if she could. Honestly, she wasn’t sure just how they’d managed three months without anyone finding out.

“I’m happy for you,” Meredith said and then sighed, “I got a page, got to go.”

“I’m happy for you too,” She answered. _Derek never deserved you_ , she wanted to add, but held herself back.

As the call ended, she turned to look at Teddy with a smile, “I’ll call Dr Wyatt and make an appointment.”

And when Teddy pulled her into a kiss, she knew those were the exact words Teddy was waiting to hear.

* * *

Arizona looked out into the hallway, not really seeing anything. Her leg hurt, and it wasn’t even there. Her phantom leg hurt, the one that would’ve killed her; she knew that if it hadn’t been cut off, the infection would’ve killed her. She knew Callie made the decision to save her life, and she was thankful for that. She was. But it would take some getting used to. She had to start by getting over her anger at Callie. Yes, she had made Callie promise not to take her leg, but she also knew Callie wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t necessary. But it was hard to not look at the woman she loved and feel angry at her. And she hated that because she was in love with the Latina, had fallen hard and fast.

She blinked the world back into focus as Alex and Callie walked into the room.

“Five bucks,” Alex was saying.

“Five bucks for what?” She questioned as Callie took a seat beside her.

“Mere and Montgomery,” He clarified.

“I’m lost,” And truly, she was. She’d seen Addison last night when she’d come by to check on them all, but what that had to do with Meredith, she wasn’t sure. 

Her wife rolled her eyes in annoyance, “Alex thinks there’s something going on between Meredith and Addison.”

Her eyebrows shot up, “Meredith is married to Derek.”

“Addison’s ex-husband.” Alex added.

“So?” She questioned, “That doesn’t prove anything.”

“Besides, Meredith is straight.” Callie added.

She almost laughed out loud, “Oh no, Sweetie. Meredith is definitely not straight.”

“She screwed men on tequila like a rabbit,” Callie countered.

“That doesn’t mean she’s straight,” She replied patiently, waiting for the lightbulb to click.

“But what about Derek?”

Alex had a lecherous smile on his face, “Maybe he likes to…”

“Do not finish that sentence, Karev,” She interrupted.

“Mere’s not the type to cheat,” Alex said instead.

That was true, at least.

“They were acting oddly close,” Callie replied, “But I don’t know, Karev.”

He laughed, like he knew something they didn’t, and then squeezed her hand gently, “While you two figure this out, I’ve got to check on a patient. Five bucks Mere and Montgomery are together.”

She hummed in reply as she exchanged a look with Callie as Alex left. The moment she knew he was out of earshot, she spoke, “Well?”

“Maybe something happened between Derek and Meredith,” Callie replied, “Meredith was wearing a Yale hoodie.”

“Derek went to Yale too, right?”

“No, he went to Bowdoin.”

“And it was Addison’s?”

Callie nodded, “Mark was talking about it once. It was in his apartment, and he mentioned it was Addison’s.”

“Sharing clothes before the first date,” She joked with a smile, “I think you owe Alex five bucks.” 

“I guess,” Callie laughed and then her expression turned somber, “What about Derek?”

“That’s none of our business. We have to support our friends.”

“He’s our friend too.”

“Yeah,” She agreed.

“And if Meredith is cheating on him, even if it’s with Addison…”

She didn’t condone cheating, not at all. Everyone thought Derek and Meredith were the perfect couple, but she knew different. She knew Callie was right, but she knew from experience that you had to follow your heart, and if that was what Meredith was doing, then Derek was out of luck. It was all screwed up.

* * *

Lexie was practically skipping to Mark’s room. Practically, because she was a surgeon and surgeons didn’t skip. She knew that Meredith didn’t want her to say anything, but she wanted to tell Mark. He knew not to go telling secrets. She liked Derek, he was like a brother to her, but she knew that Meredith deserved better. She’d witnessed a few of their verbal spars, and he knew how to hit her when she was down. And it made her angry because she liked Derek. He was a brilliant teacher, a master at his craft. But he had no idea how his words affected others. She knew that was part of the reason his marriage to Addison fell apart, or so Mark told her one night. And it was weird hearing her boyfriend talking about his best friend’s ex-wife, but Mark had loved Addison once, and she understood that. 

As she neared Mark’s room, she heard raised voices. Fearing the worst, she ran the rest of the way. Derek was standing near Mark’s bed, and she could tell from Mark’s expression that both men were angry.

“You ruined my first marriage,” Derek was yelling, “Of course you would have a hand in ruining my second.”

Mark’s guilt-stricken eyes caught hers as she entered the room. She tilted her head, confused.

“I just told Addison that…”

“That she should steal my wife!”

“It was a joke,” Mark said back, “Addie and I were joking around.”

“That’s enough,” She took a step into the room, “Mark needs to rest, Derek.”

Angry blue eyes glared at her, but he didn’t say anything as he stormed from the room. She looked at Mark, settling in the chair beside him.

“I told Addie to get herself a Grey too, so that we could compare notes,” Mark explained, his voice low and hurt. She ran her fingers through Mark’s hair gently, “I didn’t think...Derek said Meredith threw her rings at him and told him she wanted a divorce.”

“Yeah,” She replied softly, “But that’s not your fault. Meredith made the decision, not you. And I don’t think they’re having an affair, no matter what Derek believes.”

Mark sighed, relaxing into her touch, “He’s not happy, Lexie. He’s blaming the world.”

_Of course, he was blaming the world_ , she thought. _Anything was better than blaming himself_.

* * *

The rest of the day passed without any incident, and Meredith was relieved. While she’d been cleared for surgery, she spent most the day watching in the gallery rather than performing any. The decision had been hers, and though she had offers to scrub in by both Bailey and Webber, she found herself declining them.

Sometime after lunch, she’d found herself up on the maternity floor, looking at the new babies. Would Zola grow up hating her for leaving Derek? She knew Derek would. The rumor mill had already been buzzing with his conversation with Mark today. 

_“Did you hear? Grey’s leaving McDreamy.”_

_Another nurse whispered, “No!”_

_“Yes! Cheated on him!”_

_“I heard she’s been cheating for months.”_

_A third nurse chimed in, “He deserves better than her.”_

She tried to not let it get to her, she tried. She bit her tongue to keep from saying anything and forced herself to walk away. There were other battles to fight. Which was how she found herself on the maternity floor to begin with. It calmed her, the peacefulness on the floor.

“The rumor mill has been buzzing today,” Addison’s voice came from behind her.

She turned as the redhead walked up to her. The Attending scrubs looked so good on her. She smiled, “I take it you’ve heard I’m a cheating whore.”

Addison chuckled, wrapping her arms around her gently, “Something like that. Did you want to scrub in on a couple C-sections with me today? I could use an extra set of hands.”

“That’s okay,” She wanted to, she did, but not yet, “I’ll be in the gallery though.”

She was rewarded with Addison’s smile, “Okay.”

She was content to stay like this, in Addison’s arms, staring at the newborns. It was so relaxing. So perfect. And of course, the moment of peace was interrupted by Addison’s pager going off. With a soft sigh, she looked at it.

“Damn it,” Addison pressed a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth, “Have to go. OR 3.”

And then she was gone, rushing quickly down the hallway. She took one last look at the babies and then rushed to follow her. She may not be operating, but she wanted to watch Addison. And if that was how she would spend her day, then that was fine with her.

* * *

Both surgeries were successful, and that always put Addison in a good mood. Meredith met her outside of OR 4, where the second surgery took place.

“Hey,” Meredith’s smile was warm, and she felt her heart skip a beat.

“Hey,” She replied, “Enjoy the show?”

“It was very informative, Dr. Montgomery.”

“I’m glad, Dr. Grey,” She replied with her own smile. She took off her scrub cap, beckoning Meredith to walk with her. “When is your shift over?” 

“8:30. You?”

She checked her watch, seeing it was nearing 8, “I’m out about now. Well, I have post-ops to write up, but I’m sure I can get an intern to do it for me.”

“I’m sure,” Meredith replied dryly.

“I’ll meet you in the lobby a little after 8:30 then? We can grab a drink and get take-out again if you’d like?” Meredith looked a bit nervous, so she backtracked quickly, “Or, I can drop you at home if you’d like.” She wasn’t quite sure where her home was, whether it would’ve been to her house with Derek or her childhood home. As they entered the Attendings lounge, she was relieved to see it empty. She wasn’t sure how much she trusted Derek right now, not with his sudden anger issues. She offered Meredith a soft smile as she leaned in and placed her hands on her shoulders, pressing a gentle kiss against her lips, “Whatever you want to do is fine with me. 8:30, alright? Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Meredith sighed into the kiss, and she counted that as a win. And maybe she should’ve felt guilty, as Meredith was legally still married, but that’s all there was left. Words on paper. It was reminiscent of her marriage to Derek, over long before the divorce was finalized. Meredith leaned into the kiss, confirming their plans.

“At least wait until the ink is dry before you start screwing all over the hospital,” Derek’s voice came from the doorway, startling them both.

* * *

To say Derek was pissed was an understatement. He’d hoped that Meredith was just angry, that she’d spoken her words out of spite just to see his reaction. The rings in his pocket burned with his anger. Why would she just throw everything they’d built away? They had a plan; they were going to Boston; he was going to teach; she was going to be an Attending at MassGen; they were going to grow their family. They were going to have a good life. 

To walk into the Attendings lounge and see Meredith in Addison’s arms, to see Addison kissing his wife, made him livid. Was she really going to throw their future away for Addison? 

“At least wait until the ink is dry before you start screwing all over the hospital,” he said, and was pleased to see them step away from each other, “What am I saying? Once a cheating whore, always one, right Addie?”

“That’s enough, Derek,” And if he was shocked by Meredith’s bravado, he refused to let it show, “I’m the one leaving you. You don’t get to take it out on Addison.”

“She’ll cheat on you,” he replied, “Once she’s bored with you, like she did to me. She’ll cheat and you’ll come running back to me with your tail between your legs, begging for forgiveness.”

“No, she won’t,” And Meredith’s assurance of that fact made him angrier.

“I’m giving you one last chance, Meredith,” He said evenly, “I picked you. I chose you. After everything we’ve been through, I want you to love me.” _Pick me. Choose me. Love me_. He saw the flash of hurt on her face and offered her a McDreamy smile, “We made a commitment to each other. We can make this work.”

“No,” Meredith said softly and then with more conviction, “No, we can’t. I have a lawyer drawing up papers. I’ll be over tomorrow to get my things,” She took a breath, “I’m going for full custody of Zola. I don’t care where you go, Derek, but you’re not taking my daughter.”

He shot a nasty look at Addison and took a step forward, “This is your fault.” He’d never wanted to hit someone so bad before; the anger he’d felt walking in on Mark and Addison in bed together didn’t faze him this much; the anger at Mark talking to Meredith paled in comparison; even when Meredith screwed with his Alzheimer’s trial didn’t make him as angry. He wasn’t going to lose Meredith to Addison, absolutely not. Meredith stepped in front of him as he took another step, “You really are Satan. God forbid anyone gets to be happy when you’re around.”

“Derek,” Addison started, but he was far from being done.

“How couldn’t I have seen this coming? You cheated on me with Mark, so how was I not expecting you to make Meredith into an adulterous whore too? That’s just where you get your kicks, isn’t it? I’m Addison Montgomery, I’m so fucking rich, I love to fuck with my ex-husband’s life. I wonder if I can get his wife to drop her panties for me. Hm, that sounds like a great idea.”

He took pleasure in watching Meredith start to tear up, “Derek, we…”

“Shut up,” he took another step forward, practically towering over the blonde now, “Tell me, was she as good as she used to be? Did you scream her name all night long? Did you even think about me at all?” He reached out and cupped her cheek as a lone tear rolled down her face, “You ruined our family, Meredith.”

“Dr Shepherd, that’s enough,” He wasn’t aware that Owen had entered the room, accompanied by Dr. Webber.

“You two deserve each other,” He shot the women one last look before pushing past Owen roughly.

* * *

The 911 page to the Attendings lounge had Owen bolting from his office. There had been talk all day about Derek being a loose cannon; rumors swirling that Meredith was having an affair. Apparently, Meredith had told him that she wanted a divorce, and he’d not taken it well. He knew that the man was off at 8 and was hoping the rest of the day would go without an incident. How wrong he’d been.

So, when Webber paged him to the Attendings lounge, 911, he wasn’t sure what he’d expect. Derek Shepherd in the middle of a verbal assault wasn’t the first thing that came to mind, but he was glad it wasn’t worse. Derek was livid, standing in the middle of the room without a care in the world as he verbally assaulted the two Attendings.

“That’s just where you get your kicks, isn’t it? I’m Addison Montgomery, I’m so fucking rich, I love to fuck with my ex-husband’s life. I wonder if I can get his wife to drop her panties for me. Hm, that sounds like a great idea.”

“Derek, we,” Meredith attempted to speak, and he could detect the pain in her voice.

“Shut up,” He reflectively took a step closer as Derek did. He was ready to stop him if he got any closer; he’d never seen this side of Derek before. The stress was probably a factor, the knowledge that he may never get full use of his hand again. None of that excused his behavior, of course, and he was ready to beat the man senseless if he dared to put a hand on Meredith or Addison. “Tell me, was she as good as she used to be? Did you scream her name all night long? Did you even think about me at all?” He saw the way Addison started to step forward as Derek reached forward, a reaction to Meredith’s involuntary flinch as he cupped her cheek, “You ruined our family, Meredith.”

That was more than enough; enough evidence to suspend him, to step in.

“Dr. Shepherd, that’s enough.”

“You two deserve each other,” Derek told the two women before he brushed past him, colliding with his shoulder roughly as he stormed from the room. He looked between the two women, wanting to go to them, but… 

“Go,” Webber said, “I’ve got this here.”

With a smile in thanks, he rushed from the room, calling after the man angrily, “Shepherd, we’re not done!”

Luckily, Derek hadn’t made it to the elevator yet. He stopped, turning to face him, his face clouded in hurt and betrayal.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Like hell there isn’t.”

“My wife is having an affair with my ex-wife,” Derek replied, “I think that sums it up pretty well.”

“You verbally assaulted two coworkers on hospital grounds.”

“Oh, please, it was a spat. I was angry.”

“And angry at Mark today, as well as Karev, from what I’ve heard.” Derek had nothing to rebuttal that, so he continued, “You may be Head of Neuro, Derek, but you’re not the only neurosurgeon who works here.”

“Excuse me?”

“Maybe you should take some time off, cool down, let your hand heal.”

“Are you suspending me?” Derek laughed mirthlessly, “Unbelievable. You’re a real piece of work, Owen.”

“That’s enough,” His time in the military taught him discipline, and he knew not to react to the jab, “Take a week, rest your hand, cool your head; meet with Dr. Wyatt if you think that will help.” Derek glared at him and began to walk away. He sighed and headed the other way, to check in with Meredith and Addison.

* * *

Richard Webber knew what it was like to have an affair. He and Ellis had cheated on their spouses to be together; he knew what it was like to love someone you shouldn’t, and in another life, he would’ve had the strength to leave Adele and be with Ellis. He knew he would live with that regret every day, even though he loved Adele just as deeply. And he knew the signs of a secret affair, knew them like the back of his hand. Despite what Derek had claimed, Addison and Meredith weren’t having an affair. Whatever it was, it was still new, still fragile.

Addison embraced Meredith from behind, and Meredith dug her fingers into the redhead’s arms, keeping her close as she rested back against her, trying her best not to break down. 

“I wish that we could explain it all away by saying it’s stress,” he said as he pulled up a seat beside them, “but there’s no excuse for the way he spoke to either of you. Are you alright?”

Meredith looked at him, trying to be strong, but the tears in her eyes gave away her pain, “Addison and I aren’t sleeping together.”

“I know,” he replied.

Addison’s eyes held a troubled look, “I don’t know what’s happened to Derek, but he’s not the same.” He had the same thought.

“No, he’s not,” Owen announced as he stepped into the room, “He's been suspended for a week. Are you two okay?”

“Not really,” Meredith replied.

“Go home, get some rest.”

Meredith chuckled softly, “Home, yeah.”

“Hotel it is,” Addison replied.

Addison hesitantly reached for Meredith’s hand, and Meredith immediately took it. It was the hesitation that gave it away. Definitely new. The two women gathered their clothes before making their way to the doorway.

“Have a good night,” he said, and Owen echoed the sentiment. As they disappeared, he turned to Owen, “Still like being Chief?”

Owen smiled grimly, “Not one bit.”

* * *

“Don’t you have a flight?” Meredith asked her as they walked to the elevator.

“No, I canceled it, made some calls. Naomi is going to feed Milo for a few days. On my day off, I’ll book a fight down to go and get him and pack up my car.”

“Milo?”

“My cat.”

“Your cat?” Meredith repeated dumbly.

She smirked, “I have a way with pussies, didn’t you know, Grey?”

Her words had the desired effect, Meredith’s slow smile giving way to laughter. It was music to her ears. There were so many reasons why they shouldn't be together, but she would happily work through them all if it meant she could keep Meredith forever. She thought of Alex, of Sam and Pete, of Kevin and Jake. They were flings, passionate and insightful. She thought of Mark and Derek. She’d been in love with both of them at different points in her life. She thought of Naomi and Charlotte, the inklings of desire that she pushed away for the sake of friendships. When she looked at Meredith, all of the love she’d felt for anyone else paled in comparison.

“What are you thinking about?” Meredith asked as the elevator opened.

Instead of answering, she pulled her into a kiss, guiding her into the empty compartment. Meredith kissed her back as the elevator’s doors started to close. It was wrong, so wrong, but Meredith was an addiction she couldn’t keep away from. As the elevator started to slow, she pulled back and was pleased to see the dazed look in Meredith’s gaze. 

“I was thinking about that,” She replied. As the elevator’s doors opened, she held out her hand for Meredith, “Let’s go home?”

And it didn’t matter that home was a hotel room; it didn’t matter that the divorce still had to be finalized. Hell, it didn’t even matter that Derek was angry at them. All that mattered was that Meredith smiled and took her hand.

“Yeah, let’s go home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still not sure if I like the way I’m writing Derek, but it’s fanfic, so I’m taking creative liberties. Please review!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are going to stay long, unfortunately. I wish I could find a way to break them up. Let me know if you like them long, or if you’d like them shorter. Now onto the chapter!

By the time they’d gotten back to the hotel after dinner, Meredith was exhausted; the quick stop to the store for a new car seat certainly didn’t help anything. Today had been emotionally draining, and she couldn’t stop herself from replaying Derek’s words over and over.  _ You ruined our family, Meredith _ . She wasn’t any better than her mother, who’d cheated on her dad with Webber, who’d fled Seattle when he wouldn’t leave his wife.  _ The carousel never stops turning, Meredith _ .

As she lay on the bed waiting for Addison, she couldn’t stop the depreciative thoughts from filtering through her mind. She hadn’t meant for any of this to happen, not this way. The whole Alzheimer’s trial disaster had helped her see parts of Derek she had been blind too, and she’d been thinking about leaving him after the dust settled. But she didn’t, thinking it was just a fluke. After all, he still loved her, even when he couldn’t look at her. Right? But then the plane crash had happened, and those thoughts of leaving him got pushed to the side. Every atom of her being was focused on staying alive because Zola needed her to, because Lexie needed her to. She wouldn’t die out in the woods, absolutely not. And she was tired and hungry and dehydrated. And when they were finally rescued, finally, after the week of torture, of hearing her friends in pain and Jerry’s body being torn apart, she could only think about her recovery.

And then there was the car and Addison, Addison who she hadn’t seen all day, Addison who had seen Arizona and Mark and Derek and gotten an update about Cristina, who hadn’t asked about her. Addison who didn’t even think as she wrapped her arms around her as she pulled her back from the speeding car. Addison, who held her that night as she cried.

The moment their eyes met for the first time, she felt some kind of spark, a warm tingle deep within her, but then the bombshell that Derek was married to her and  _ you must be the woman who’s been screwing my husband _ . Addison should’ve hated her, and she wouldn’t have faulted her for that. And yet, she was pulling her out of the path of a speeding car.

And then there was the kiss; she’d felt the pull before, how could she not? Addison was gorgeous, stunning. And while she didn’t label her sexuality, she was sure Addison was straight. And then Addison had kissed her, Addison who, as far as she knew, slept with men. Addison, who shouldn’t have been kissing her in the stairwell, who’s hoodie she shouldn’t have worn. Addison, who she shouldn’t have kissed back. Addison, whose very presence set her on fire.

She was married to Derek, maybe not as happily as before, but they had taken vows.  _ You ruined our family, Meredith _ . Vows that she’d thrown down the drain, she knew. She didn’t regret it, there was no reason to now. She hated that she hurt him, yes. He didn’t deserve the pain he was in, and she was sorry she’d caused it. She should’ve signed the divorce papers first, at least. But she hadn’t. 

Addison came out of the bathroom, her face free of make-up and her hair cascading around her shoulders. She was absolutely beautiful, and the thought made her feel guilty. Even if it had been a handful of kisses, she really was a cheating whore.  _ You ruined our family, Meredith _ .

Addison smiled at her sadly as she laid beside her on the bed, opening her arms for her. She sighed softly as she curled into Addison, holding onto the front of her shirt. For reasons she didn’t want to acknowledge, the action calmed her.

“This is all my fault,” Addison said softly, “I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

“I kissed back, so the blame is pretty equal,” she answered, “but I’m happy you kissed me.”

“Oh?” Addison pushed the hair from her face.

“I’d been wanting to leave him for a while,” she confessed, “This just sped up the process. But I didn’t want to hurt him like this.”

“I know.”

“He deserves better,” she continued.

“He’ll find it,” Addison assured her, and then she kissed her softly, and she couldn’t stop the whimper as she kissed back.

All thoughts of Derek faded from her mind and were replaced by Addison. Addison’s mouth against hers, her body so warm against her. Addison’s scent washing over her, calming her considerably. And yes, it was wrong, but her marriage to Derek was a piece of paper at this point. Fleetingly, she had the thought to stop. Addison seemed to have the same thought because she pulled back so they could catch their breath.

“We should wait,” She said, ”until the divorce is finalized.” And really, that was almost hilarious, because she and Derek hadn’t waited; granted, she hadn’t known he was married. And then the hospital prom happened and… 

“Do you want to?” Addison’s voice was soft.

“Yeah,” she replied, but still leaned forward and kissed her again, “Can you just hold me?”

Addison smiled, “Yeah, Mere, I think I’m more than capable of that.”

And as she settled further into Addison’s arms, as Addison held her close, she felt her breath catch. With Derek, there was always the expectation of more; more kisses, more sex, more talking. It had been literal decades since someone had held her without expecting something in return. As she slowly fell asleep, she listened to Addison’s heartbeat and felt at home.

_ Yes _ , she thought to herself as she faded into blissful unconsciousness,  _ I’m home _ .

* * *

Sometimes, it was hard being the other Dr. Shepherd. Amelia had always been proud to be Derek’s sister. It was one of the reasons that she’d moved out to Seattle. Sure, she missed L.A. some, but she knew that Seattle was where she needed to be. After the plane crash, she’d been watching Zola. Her niece was the only reason she hadn’t turned to drugs during the whole ordeal. She’d talked to Derek a few times on the phone, and he’d sounded agitated and broken and angry. She reached Meredith through text, but her sister-in-law never said anything about Derek. She knew that Derek could lose his ability to perform surgeries, and she was afraid for him. She followed him into Neuro, not only because she idolized him but because she found the human brain fascinating.

Today, Meredith and Derek were taking Zola to daycare, and she was relieved. Not that she didn’t love her niece, but would be happy to have her house back. She’d just gotten Zola fed and dressed when there was a knock at the door.

“Who’s that Zo Zo?” She questioned as she carried her on her hip to the front door, “Is it Mommy and Daddy, hm?”

As she opened the door, she was expecting Meredith and Derek. What she hadn’t been expecting was Meredith and Addison and no Derek in sight.

“Where’s Derek?” She questioned, looking between the two women before settling her gaze on Addison, “And why aren’t you in L.A.?”

* * *

After everything that had happened in the last few years, Addison wasn’t sure what to expect from Amelia. She wasn’t quite sure where the youngest Shepherd had gone when she’d left L.A. Maybe she should’ve expected her to come to Seattle like she had after James proposed, but she’d said she’d go to see Derek before and had changed her mind. 

“Hi, Zo Zo,” Meredith cooed softly to the one-year old in Amelia’s arms, holding out hers, oblivious to the tension between her and Amelia. Zola smiled and reached out her little hands for Meredith, who immediately took the baby into her arms, holding her close, “Did you have fun with Aunt Amelia? Did you?”

Zola gurgled in her arms, babbling to her, “Ma, Ma, Ma.”

Meredith just smiled before looking at Amelia, “Are we just going to stand here?”

Amelia didn’t stop looking at her as she answered Meredith, “No, go right in.”

As Meredith passed through the door, she looked back at her quizzically.

“It’s fine, Mere,” She nodded towards the open door, “We’ll be inside in just a minute.”

Amelia turned to fully face her as soon as Meredith and Zola were inside, “What the hell is going on? Why are you here, Addie? And since when do you call Meredith  _ Mere _ ?”

“I’m covering for Dr. Robbins at the hospital until she recovers,” She answered, “And Meredith and I are friends.”

“What about L.A., the practice?”

“I’ve already called them; they’ll be fine without me for a couple months. On my next day off, I’m flying down to get Milo, my clothes and car. I’m not sure how long I’ll be up here, but...”

She caught sight of Meredith coming back towards them, balancing Zola in one arm and the diaper bag and her purse in the other. She stopped mid-sentence, moving forward to help her.

“Take Zola,” Meredith said softly, shifting her weight slightly. At her indecisive look, she smiled, “It’s okay. She likes you already.”

She carefully took Zola into her arms, looking at her nervously, “Hi, Zola. I’m Addison.”

She was rewarded with a smile and babbling from the baby, “Ah, Ah, Ah.”

She chuckled softly, instantly feeling more relieved, “Close enough.”

* * *

Amelia observed the exchange between the two from the doorway and felt something click. Meredith’s eyes were lit up, her smile wide as she watched the exchange between Addison and Zola.  _ Oh my God _ . Addison’s eyes shone with love and adoration as she looked up from Zola to see Meredith watching them.  _ Oh my God _ . 

“Where’s Derek, Meredith?”

The smile Meredith wore dropped, “Home, I think.”

“You think? You don’t know where your husband is?”

Meredith addressed Addison, “Can you go buckle Zola in? I’ll be right out.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll be okay,” Meredith answered, and Addison nodded.

Meredith turned to her then, squaring her shoulders as she took a breath, “Derek and I are getting divorced.”

She stood there, shell-shocked, her voice a near whisper, “You and Derek are what?”

Meredith sighed, “He’s changed, Amelia. He’s not the same person anymore. And I don’t know when it happened, but I’ve been wanting to end things between us for a while. And now I am. The papers should be ready in a couple days.”

“Are you sure? Are you sure you just…”

_ “I’m in love with her, Amy. I’m in love with her and I feel like I’m losing her,”  _ Derek’s words from last night’s phone call filtered into her thoughts, his voice distraught as he cried,  _ “This is like her drowning in the bay all over again. She’s pulling away, and I don’t know what to do.” _

“I love him, Amelia, I do,” Meredith replied, “but I’m not in love with him, and I haven’t been for a while now.”

Something about Meredith’s tone made her angry, the near-dismissiveness in her voice and her lack of Derek’s feelings, “You’re the love of his life, and you’re going to throw it all away?!”

* * *

“You’re the love of his life, and you’re going to throw it all away?!” Amelia’s voice cut into her skin, and she forced herself not to flinch. 

_ Did you even think about me at all? _

_ You ruined our family, Meredith. _

_ Adulterous whore. _

_ I am your husband! _

_ You two deserve each other _ .

“He’s not who I thought he was,” She repeated.

“He’s stressed,” Amelia responded quickly, “He could lose the ability to hold a scalpel, and you’re complaining that he’s changed?”

“Stop trying to defend him, Amelia,” She replied sharply, “What’s done is done.”

She turned to leave when Amelia spoke again, “It’s because of her, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Addison. I saw the way you two looked at each other. Are you really leaving my brother for his ex-wife? After he chose you over her? After the shooting? After  _ everything _ ?” Amelia sounded close to tears, and she frowned as she looked back at her, “Answer me!”

“Amelia…”

“It’s a simple answer,” And if Amelia realized she’d started to cry, she refused to acknowledge it.

“It’s not.” It wasn’t. There was so much baggage, so much she had to come to terms with, so much she had to do. She couldn’t put a label on what they had. A few kisses didn’t mean anything. 

_ You ruined our family, Meredith _ .

“Yes or no!”

_ I don’t hate you _ .

“Yes! Yes, okay?!” She shouted, feeling something within her break, her emotional dam springing open, “Addison doesn’t push me into talking! She waits. And she holds me after a nightmare, and she doesn’t expect anything in return! She makes me feel safe! And in surgery, I don’t feel talked down to. I know that I can express myself around her and have my own opinion! So, yes, Amelia! Yes! I’m leaving him for Addison. And I don’t care what you think!”

To her complete surprise, Amelia smiled and hugged her. Even though she was confused, she welcomed the hug.

“You’re still my sister, even after the divorce,” Amelia said as they pulled apart.

“You’re not angry?” Wasn’t she just angry? She hadn’t imagined that, right?

“Maybe a little, but you deserve to be happy, Meredith. Even if it’s not with Derek.”

The sound of the car horn going off startled them both. With a quick glance at her phone, Meredith cursed, “I’m going to be late for work. I’ll call later, okay?”

Amelia showed her to the door, “Go, love you.”

“Love you too,” She replied with a grin, and then she was racing to the car, where Addison and Zola were waiting.

* * *

The ride to the hospital was filled with near silence, broken only when Zola babbled happily in the backseat. Addison didn’t say anything when Meredith hopped in the car, and Meredith didn’t offer an explanation as to why she was near tears. 

“Ma, Ma, Ma. Ah, Ah, Ah.” Zola said happily, oblivious to whatever was going on between the two silent women, which made the women smile.

It was only when they were nearing Seattle Grace Mercy West that Meredith finally broke her silence.

“I told her that Derek and I are over.”

“What did she say?”

_ What didn’t she say _ ? “She asked if I was serious because I’m the love of his life,” she took a breath, “And then she asked if I was leaving him for you.”

Addison pulled the car into a parking spot and put it in park before she turned to look at her, “And what did you say?”

She smiled, “I told her yes. And that I didn’t care what she thought,” Addison’s beaming smile was further reassurance and that was all she needed, “Let’s get Zola to daycare and get our day started, what do you say, Dr. Montgomery?”

Addison laughed and unbuckled to press a soft kiss to her lips, “Great idea, Dr. Grey. It wouldn’t look good to be late on my first official day.”

* * *

After dropping Zola off at daycare, she and Meredith went through the annoying task of filling out forms to allow her to check Zola in and out of daycare. It was for legal reasons and to keep the children safe, that way no one could just take them. But there was so much paperwork.

Finally done, Meredith’s final request was that someone notify her if Derek was trying to take Zola out. She didn’t trust him, not with his erratic behavior, and she honestly couldn’t blame her.

“I don’t think he’d ever hurt Zola,” Meredith explained as they headed towards the Attendings lounge, “But he could take her and I could never see her again.”

“I understand,” She replied. She pulled Meredith into a stairwell that they were passing, much to the blonde’s amusement and confusion.

“We have…” Meredith started but she placed a finger against her lips.

“Thank you for trusting me with Zola.” She felt safe to say it in the stairwell, away from prying eyes and ears.

“Are stairwells our thing now?” Meredith joked, “And you’re welcome. And really, I don’t want to be late.”

She agreed completely. She loved punctuality. And yet, here she was with Meredith, in the stairwell, their stairwell. And all she wanted to do was kiss her again.

“Me either,” She replied, “I’m going to kiss you now, alright?”

She would never get tired of seeing the way Meredith’s face would turn red, her lips parting just slightly in anticipation as she nodded, “Please.”

She wasn’t sure what about the word coming from Meredith’s mouth set her off, but she couldn’t deny her anything. She wanted to give her the world. Meredith kissed back hungrily, and she felt content to keep her right here, pinned against the wall as she ravaged her mouth. And God help her, she wanted so much more. She was desperate for more, lust clouding her head as they parted for air and dove right back into each other. Meredith’s hands cascaded through her hair, trying to find a place to latch onto.

She heard her alarm sound on her phone, the tone she’d set last night about the meeting Owen had planned, and reluctantly pulled away. Meredith groaned at the loss, and she felt her legs buckle as the shorter woman started pressing open mouth kisses along her neck.

“Gonna be late,” She managed once she saw the time, “As good as that feels, I need you to stop. Because if you don’t, I’m going to drag you to an on-call room.”

Meredith pulled away with a satisfied smile, and she had to force herself not to go back on her word and drag her to an on-call room regardless. She sighed softly and fixed her appearance as quickly as she could, watching as Meredith smiled and did the same. The blonde would be the death of her yet. 

“Come on,” Meredith held the door open for them, “don’t want to be late.”

* * *

“While Dr. Sloan is recovering, Dr. Avery is taking over as interim-Department Head of Plastics,” Owen is saying as she and Addison make their way into the Attending lounge. “And while Dr. Robbins is recovering, Dr. Montgomery is taking over as interim-Head of Pediatrics, as well as returning to her role as Head of Neonatal and OB.”

“I thought I was taking over for Robbins,” Alex said from a corner of the room, sounding annoyed.

“Change of plans, Karev,” Owen replied, “Drs. Altman and Torres will be returning tomorrow, so if you have any residents interested in Cardio or Ortho, let them know. And as you all know by now, due to Dr. Shepherd taking a leave of absence,” she shifted uncomfortably, feeling like everyone was staring at her, even though she knew no one was, “I’ll be looking for an interim Head of Neuro until he returns.” She saw Lexie’s stand up a bit straighter and smiled softly. Lexie would be the perfect candidate. She was extremely good in Neuro. Owen looked down at his pager, “If anyone has questions, see me later today. I have a consult I need to get to.”

And then he was gone, and this time she really did feel someone staring at her. She turned and saw Alex glaring daggers at her.

* * *

To say Alex was pissed would be an understatement. He’d worked so hard in his Peds fellowship, worked so hard for the African Project, and he was so sure Arizona would allow him to take her place as Head of Peds. But then suddenly Addison fucking Montgomery was back and  _ she _ was taking it over? How the hell was he supposed to do anything with Satan breathing down his neck?

“Hey, Mere, could you tell your girlfriend not to ruin my Africa Project?” He called from across the room.

And sure, he could’ve walked across the room to talk to them both, but he wasn’t in the best mood. While most of the Attendings had followed Owen out to check on their patients, Webber, Jackson and April hadn’t yet. 

“Come on, man, that’s not funny,” Jackson said as April looked between him and the two women.

“They don’t call her Satan because she’s nice,” He replied and then to the two he asked, “So what made you two late? Screwing in a supply closet?”

“Karev,” Webber said sharply, but he ignored the man.

“Meredith is married to Derek,” April’s voice held pure confusion as she tried to figure out what was going on.

“Yeah well, according to Derek, Meredith is a cheating whore, and Addison is no better for corrupting her,” He looked between them again, “At least that’s what Derek said last night at Joe’s.” He watched Addison roll her eyes, watched Meredith shift uncomfortably, “You two can have all the fun you want in on-call rooms, but you’d better not mess with my Africa project, Montgomery.”

“Oh please,” Addison bit back, “There’s a budget for a reason, Karev. If it was in the budget before, there’s no reason for it to be cut now.”

“Yeah well!” He stopped, realizing just what she’d said, “You’re not going to cut it?”

“Arizona and I were talking about the project a couple days ago. It’s good PR for the hospital and saves kids, Karev. I may be Satan, but I’m not going to cut something that helps children.”

“Oh,” Now he felt like an ass.

Meredith looked up at him then, and he could feel her icy glare, “Oh? Is that all you have to say is  _ oh _ ? I can understand Derek being angry at us. I can understand him getting drunk at Joe’s and telling you all about how I’m an adulterous whore and how Addie has corrupted me and oh woe is Derek! But for you to repeat what he said in front of our colleagues, Alex? This isn’t high school! This isn’t some senior prank!”

“Mere,” he tried to interject but she kept going.

“You don’t have a right to judge me or Addison or any other person in this damn hospital for our faults! And to accuse Addison of wanting to cut your program just because you’re pissed that you aren’t Head of Peds? That just shows your complete lack of respect for anyone other than yourself!”

“I’m sorry, alright!”

“No, it’s not alright! This is my fucking life, Alex! My life! And you don’t get to judge me for what I do in it!” And then she was storming from the room in a huff.

“Meredith!” Addison bolted after her, and April quickly followed.

“Nice going Karev,” Webber’s voice was loud in the silence that followed.

“I didn’t realize she’d go all Medusa on me,” he answered softly.

Jackson patted his shoulder in sympathy, “I hate to be you when Arizona hears you caused a scene.”

He nudged his hand away, “Shut up.”

* * *

Mark wasn’t quite sure what had woke him. He’d fallen back asleep after Lexie had stopped in to tell him that Jackson was going to cover Plastics until he was able to be back. Hunt couldn’t have picked a better choice as interim-Head of Plastics. He’d taught Jackson everything he knew. 

“And he needs an interim-Head for Neuro and I thought that I’d put in my name,” Lexie had said, and he’d smiled.

“You’d be a good fit,” He’d replied. And he’d meant it. 

Now though, he knew it wasn’t Lexie in the room. She had to check on a few Neuro patients and had promised to be back for lunch. He blinked the sleep from his eyes and turned his head to see Meredith sitting in the chair by his bed, her eyes red and wet.

“How’s my favorite dirty mistress?” He asked gently, making Meredith look over at him.

“Didn’t you hear? Now, I’m an adulterous whore,” She'd fired back the same words before her appy, but this time there wasn’t any morphine that made her all smiles and loopy. Now, she sounded hurt and in pain.

“Are you alright?” He questioned as he offered her his hand, which she took immediately, “Was it Derek? Did he call and say something?”

“No, it’s not Derek,” Meredith answered softly, “It’s Alex. He’s an ass and I’m feeling more dark and twisty than normal.”

“Well, I’m a captive audience, so you want to talk about it?”

Meredith sighed, “You felt guilty right? When you and Addison slept together, you felt guilty after, didn’t you? Because you didn’t want to hurt Derek.”

“Yeah, I felt guilty. I fell in love with Addison, and he was never there, and I definitely took advantage when she was down,” At Meredith’s sharp look, he continued, “No, I just mean, it was consensual, Meredith. She was sad because he was never home and I was there. I felt guilty that I was part of the reason their marriage fell apart. And Addie, she was torn apart. He was so angry, throwing her clothes out of the house, saying that she threw away what they had.”

“I cheated on him with Addison,” Meredith said softly, “All we did was kiss, but I could’ve stopped it. I feel guilty that I did, but I don’t regret it. Our marriage has been over since the Alzheimer’s trial.” His heart broke for her. This was exactly how Addison had felt after Derek had fled New York,  _ Our marriage has been over for years, Mark _ , “I have no idea where he is, and I should be terrified not knowing. But I’m not. I feel.”

“Free,” He echoed Addison’s words to him all those years ago, “You feel free because you don’t have to act like you’re this perfect couple who doesn’t fight, like your marriage is perfect, when your home life is a complete mess.”

“Yeah,” Meredith answered, “Does that make me a bad person?”

“No, it doesn’t,” He squeezed her hand softly, making her look at him, “Don’t tear yourself up for loving someone, Meredith. Yes, it’s wrong that you cheated, but you and Derek have to get over that, even if you don’t stay together, because you have a child together. But you and Addison,” He grinned, “are so fucking hot. You two deserve to be happy, Derek Shepherd be damned.”

And for the first time in what felt like ages, Mark Sloan saw a genuine smile appear on Meredith’s face. He vowed the next time he saw Derek, he was giving the man a piece of his mind. Meredith didn’t deserve to be verbally assaulted by him for the choices she made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hate that I started this fic with Meredith cheating on Derek because I really hate cheating. But I’m hoping that I’m conveying that it was a mistake, but the people in her life can still recognize that she wasn’t happy with Derek, and despite the mistake, they still love and respect her. And the same sentiments for Addison. Both Meredith and Addison still have a lot of insecurities that I still need to address. I’m changing canon a bit as I write, so things may happen differently, including things that should’ve already happened in Private Practice that I’m ignoring. I’m really loving the way I’m writing the characters. Everything is so complicated, and I both love and hate it. Still not sure how many chapters this is going to be, but I’m excited to see where it’s going to go. More to come. As always, review please!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Some quotes from Private Practice season 3 are in this chapter in the beginning, as I delve a bit more into Addison and her family life. 

Addison had paged Meredith half a dozen times. She knew that the blonde wanted to be alone, but she also knew how destructive isolation could be. She wasn’t sure who she wanted to hurt more, Karev for making Meredith run or Derek for spewing the lies in the first place. 

Meredith’s words still bounced around in her head, “This is my fucking life, Alex! My life! And you don’t get to judge me for what I do in it!”

She’d felt the same way when she’d cheated on Derek with Mark; yes, she’d fucked up, but it was her mistake, hers she had to live with. It had to have been a family trait, in some way, because not only did her parents cheat on each other, but Archer had cheated on numerous girlfriends. And then she had done the same to Derek.

_“ I did what I could with what I had. And I may not have been in love with your father, but I loved him. I do love him, and I love you and your brother.”_

_“We were trying to protect you and Archer.”_

Both had felt like lies, and that wasn’t even new to her, her parents lying to “protect” her and Archer, her lying to Mother about what Daddy was doing. Of course, she hadn’t known about Bizzy and Susan’s relationship, but the _best_ news always came when she was down, she supposed. Her relationship with her parents probably rivaled Meredith’s with hers, if not on the same level. Even now, months later, he never saw an issue with what either of them did, cheating on the other instead of doing the sane thing and getting divorced, her and Archer’s childhood be damned. They would’ve coped. They always did.

 _“You’re the cheating whore, not Dad_ ,” she remembered telling Bizzy after finding out about the affair.

 _“My entire life, I thought she was this poor, pathetic woman. I thought it was my job to cover for you,_ _and it made me hate you, but don’t you understand? I hated the wrong parent_ ,” those words had burned in her throat as she told the Captain, and even now, _“Now I know you're the poor, pathetic one, because you love her and she loves someone else. But you stayed! This is like some pathetic, sad, after-school special which is just awful because now, now, I hate you both_.”

Her mother was dead and her father had vanished, and that was so very Ellis and Thatcher that it was almost comical. She wouldn’t be like her parents, not anymore. She knew what she wanted and who she wanted it with, everything else be damned.

So, while a part of her was worried that Meredith had walked out of the room, she understood because she would do the very same thing. She needed to clear her head, so she understood the ignored pages. And then she would go to someone who would understand, someone who wasn’t going to judge her. In fact, after she had cheated on Derek, she’d talked to Mark.

She stopped walking as the realization dawned on her. She sent a quick page off to Dr. Kepner, who’d wanted to help before getting called away for a consult, letting her know that she’d found the blonde, before she ran to Mark’s room. She felt her heart skip several beats seeing Meredith sitting beside his bed, talking.

“I have no idea where he is, and I should be terrified not knowing,” Meredith was saying as she watched from the doorway, “But I’m not. I feel,”

“Free,” Mark answered her, and she remembered telling him exactly that.

_“I feel free, Mark, I feel free. I don’t have to pretend anymore, and I still feel so scared.”_

“You feel free because you don’t have to act like you’re this perfect couple who doesn’t fight, like your marriage is perfect, when your home life is a complete mess.” Mark continued.

“Yeah,” Meredith answered, and her next words broke her heart, “Does that make me a bad person?”

“No, it doesn’t,” He squeezed Meredith’s hand softly, making her look at him, and she took the opportunity to step further into the room, “Don’t tear yourself up for loving someone, Meredith. Yes, it’s wrong that you cheated, but you and Derek have to get over that, even if you don’t stay together, because you have a child together. But you and Addison are so fucking hot,” He grinned.

She rolled her eyes with a wiry smile. _Typical Mark_.

“You two deserve to be happy, Derek Shepherd be damned.”

Meredith smiled softly, and her heart tightened painfully. She never wanted to see that smile disappear ever again.

“There you are,” She spoke up.

Meredith jumped in surprise, “Addison!”

“I was wondering when you were going to stop lurking in the corner, Addie,” Mark replied with a smile.

“I nearly stopped you when you called us fucking hot,” She snarked back.

“You loved it,” he answered, and she rolled her eyes.

She did, and he knew that, “You’re not getting a threesome, you pervert.”

“You wound me.”

* * *

Meredith watched with amusement as Addison and Mark went back and forth. She wondered if she and Derek would be able to get to this kind of easy banter and then decided she didn’t want to think about it anymore. She could be professional with Derek, civil for Zola, but if he was going to still be an ass because she was divorcing him, then she knew she didn’t want to be friends with him. They’d tried that before, and he’d dangled Rose in her face, just because he knew it would hurt her. She knew Addison wouldn’t hurt her like Derek did; she wouldn’t try to bribe her with surgeries, wouldn’t get angry when she wanted to drive home, wouldn’t try to find a reason to start a fight. Sure, they would fight, she knew; every relationship had fights. But she knew they’d be able to resolve them.

She stood slowly. She was feeling tired from all the emotional talk; she didn’t normally open up, it wasn’t her style, but there was something about Mark that made her feel safe. She supposed that was one of the reasons Lexie loved him.

“Thanks for listening, McSteamy,” She said.

“Anytime, Dirty Mistress.”

She looked from Mark to Addison and was relieved when the redhead didn’t look angry. In fact, she looked relieved herself. She decided at that moment that she was going to be happy, the rumor mill be damned. The nurses could say whatever they wanted. Alex and Derek could say whatever they wanted. Because all she wanted right now was Addison. It scared her, the intensity of her feelings, but that wasn’t a bad thing. And as she walked into Addison’s arms, she heard her relieved sigh, felt her fingers tighten on her back as she held her close. And she didn’t care that the hallway had become silent because Addison was holding her and she wasn’t angry at her for walking away. Addison was holding her, and she was home.

“I’m not sorry,” She said against Addison’s shoulder.

“You don’t need to be,” Addison answered softly, “about any of it.”

She was content to stay in Addison’s arms; so really, she wasn’t that surprised when their pagers started going off. She groaned in annoyance as she pulled away to check it. Incoming trauma.

“I’ll pay you to resume this later,” Mark spoke from behind them, “just with less clothes.”

 _Typical Mark_.

“Goodbye, McSteamy,” She said as she followed Addison out of the room at a run. 

They were almost to the pit when she was able to grab Addison’s hand, pulling her to a stop.

“Meredith,” Addison’s voice was half-exasperated, half-amused, “We need…”

But whatever else Addison was going to say she silenced with a kiss. It was not the most ideal time, not the most ideal place, but she’d wanted to kiss her ever since she’d walked in on her conversation with Mark. Addison kissed back fiercely, and she felt her knees buckle. She wasn’t sure she would ever get tired of kissing the neonatal surgeon. And as quickly as the kiss started, it was over. They had lives to save.

* * *

Cristina wasn’t quite sure what to say. She’d been sitting in Dr. Wyatt’s office for nearly 20 minutes, and the words wouldn’t come. There was so much she wanted to say, but how was she supposed to speak when everything wanted to come out at once?

“Is there anything you’d wish to discuss today, Cristina? How about what made you decide to book an appointment?”

_To make Teddy happy. Because Teddy deserved to come to work without worrying about her being home alone. Because Meredith is leaving Derek and divorcing him for Satan._

“Satan is stealing my person.”

“Satan?” Oh great, now Dr. Wyatt is going to think she was crazy.

“Dr. Montgomery. She’s stealing Meredith. Meredith told me that she’s leaving McDreamy, uh, Dr. Shepherd. Nevermind.”

“It’s alright,” Dr. Wyatt said gently, “We have time, Cristina. Just talk.”

“Meredith and I have been each other’s persons since we started here. And it feels like everything is going to change,” She knew it already had. She focused on a point on the wall, “After the plane crash, I listened to Meredith crying every night, waking up from nightmares. Arizona wouldn’t shut up, and Derek and Mark were in pain too, and God, Jerry. I had to listen every night as the wolves tore him up,” She shuddered, trying to keep her mind from going back there, “I want Teddy to be able to come to work and not have to worry about me at home. So I need to work. I need to be here.”

“I don’t think you’re ready to come back fully, Dr. Yang. I don’t think you’re mentally prepared.”

“But…”

“However, I don’t see a reason for you not to be available for consults or to observe surgeries, so long as Dr. Altman is here. Would that be alright for right now?”

 _Not really_ , she wanted to say, but she knew that it was her only option right now, “That’s acceptable.”

Dr. Wyatt smiled, “I thought you’d say that. I would like you to come in a few times a week until I feel it’s safe to clear you for surgery. Would that be acceptable?”

“Could Teddy sit in?” She knew she’d be able to talk easier if Teddy was here, so she didn’t have to repeat herself trying to get through the trauma.

“Of course, Cristina. Whatever helps,” Dr. Wyatt made a note in her folder, “We have a while left. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about?”

_This was an endless cycle, wasn’t it?_

* * *

Meredith pulled her scrub cap off tiredly as the OR door fell closed behind her. The surgery had been a success, and the patient, a 34-year-old teacher, would make a full recovery. It had been touch-and-go for a while, but she and Owen had been able to get the woman back. She wasn’t sure where Addison had gone, pulled away by April for a Peds consult as she was rushing off to surgery. Just as she pulled out her pager, she heard the tell-tale click of heels and then Addison’s voice was in her ear.

“Successful surgery, Dr. Grey?”

She turned to face her and smiled, “Yeah, all clear. How was the consult?”

“Good,” Addison answered, “Karev is taking the little boy into surgery.”

“Not you?” She questioned, perplexed.

“I had a better time watching your first surgery since coming back,” Addison smiled, “How about we go out to lunch today? Get away for a bit.”

“Are we allowed to leave for lunch? I thought we had to stay in case we were paged?”

“You’re an Attending now. You can leave for lunch. The nurses know to page you.”

“Why haven’t other Attendings done it then?” It wasn’t that she doubted Addison; she just liked to be sure.

Addison smirked, “Because they didn’t have a reason to. We have a reason. And I can even talk to Chief Hunt if you’d like.”

“Talk to Chief Hunt about what?” The man in question came out of the OR doors right as Addison spoke.

“I was wanting to take Dr. Grey out for lunch with Zola.”

Owen glanced briefly at his watch, “That’s fine, Addison. I’ll make sure the nurses page if there’s an issue the residents can’t handle. Same for you, Meredith.” He offered them a smile and then he was heading down the hallway.

Addison smiled victoriously, and honestly, did she have to look so cute, “Told you it was okay. Come on.”

* * *

Lunch was relaxing; they’d gone down to daycare to find that it was naptime, and not wanting to disturb the little girl, they opted to go without her. There would be other opportunities. Addison took Meredith to a small bistro downtown, a hidden spot in the wall that she’d been to a couple of times on her visits back. She spent most of the lunch listening to Meredith talk about her earlier surgery, and even though she’d watched the whole thing, she enjoyed hearing Meredith’s thoughts on it. A lot of people thought that general surgery was a boring specialty, but they had it wrong. The passion in Meredith’s eyes as she spoke was enlightening. After she’d paid, ignoring Meredith’s objection, she handed Meredith the keys.

“I don’t know how to get to the house.” She said as a way of explanation.

“The house?”

“I figured we could get your things from Derek’s while we were out. If that’s alright.” She answered, and Meredith agreed with a nod.

“We don’t need a whole lot, just some extra clothes and Zola’s toys,” Meredith said as she started the car, “And if Derek is there, I’m sure he’ll stay out of the way.” She was rambling now.

She put her hand on Meredith’s briefly, “It’ll be fine, Meredith. We can drop everything at the hotel before going back to work.”

“No,” Meredith interjected, “I have my house, my mom’s house. I haven’t been in it in a couple of months, but we can take it there. Besides, we can’t live in a hotel room with Zola.”

“We?”

Meredith stopped the car as they hit a red light, turning to look at her with a soft blush, “I have a house. There’s no reason for you to stay in a hotel. And besides, I like sleeping next to you.” As the light turned green, she moved the car forward.

She smiled softly, “Well that’s good because I like sleeping next to you too.”

The rest of the ride was silent. As they pulled up to the house, they noticed that Derek’s car was gone. She wasn’t sure why she felt relieved.

* * *

Meredith walked through the house slowly. It felt like she was in some kind of dystopian nightmare. Furniture was overturned, glass littered the kitchen floor, parts of plates and cups laying in chunks, cabinet doors ripped off their hinges. Photos were smashed, laying haphazardly around the house. She half-expected to find Derek dead, but he wasn’t anywhere in the house. 

As she entered the bedroom, his drawers were left open, but none of his clothes were there. She looked into the closet to find his side cleaned out. The bed was stripped, and as she got closer, she saw the framed picture of their Post-It wedding on the bedside table, the glass cracked and broken.

_Love each other_

_even when we_

_hate each other_

_No running_

_Take care when old_

_senile and smelly._

_And it’s forever_

He’d scratched his signature out.

As she set the frame down, she saw a note beside it, her name scrawled at the top.

_Meredith,_

_Don’t try to contact me. I want all your shit out of my house before I get back. I can’t believe you would do this to us._

_Derek_

She wasn’t sure how long she stood, rereading the note. 

“Meredith,” Addison’s voice was loud in the stillness and she turned instinctively, “Hey,” Addison continued softly, placing a hand on her shoulder, “This place is a mess.”

“It’s fine. I got it,” She felt the prick of tears in her eyes.

“You shouldn't be alone right now. Let me help.”

And even though she wanted to do it alone, she knew she would wallow in her guilt if she did.

“Thank you,” She answered softly.

Addison’s smile was tight but genuine, “It’s no trouble. Why don’t you go get Zola’s things, and I’ll start in here?”

* * *

Addison surveyed the bedroom one last time to make sure she’d gotten all of Meredith’s belongings. The trunk was packed full, but between her and Meredith, they’d managed to get everything in it, except for one or two items of clothes that were placed in the backseat.

She thought of him throwing her clothes out of the brownstone in New York and shutting her out with them in the pouring rain. But this mindless destruction? It scared her and worried her. She didn’t understand it. Why destroy the house if he was planning on coming back? Was he planning on coming back? 

Derek wasn’t the type of person to hit a woman. Get angry and scream, get cold and silent, but this? This wasn’t him at all. He’d changed and not for the better. The man needed a psych consult. Whether it was because of his hand or simply because he’d lost Meredith, she didn’t know, but he was acting crazy. One thing was for certain, however; there was no way she was going to leave Meredith alone with the man if he did come back.

* * *

Meredith unlocked the door to her family home, her arms loaded with clothes. There was too much to just leave in the car until after their shifts ended. But they had to be quick regardless. It had been about an hour and half since they’d left, and they really needed to be getting back.

“Just put the clothes on the couch, I can sort through them later tonight,” She said as Addison came through the door, arms full.

“We should’ve had boxes.”

She agreed completely, “The next time I want to move, we can have boxes.”

Nearly ten minutes later, they’d managed to get the clothes and Zola’s toys into the living room.

“I was going to sell this place when I moved to Seattle,” She said as she looked around the living room, “but so many people have lived here, so I’m glad I didn’t.”

Addison wrapped her arms around her from behind, holding her close, “I’m glad you didn’t either.”

She turned in Addison’s arms and kissed her gently, “Thank you for today and for helping.”

Addison hummed as she kissed back softly, “You’re welcome, Mere. Now, come on, let’s get back to the hospital.”

“Hospital,” She agreed as she kissed her again, as gentle as before.

They needed to get back, they did, but she needed just a few more minutes.

* * *

Addison knew what Meredith was doing. She did, damn it. But she was helpless to stop it, helpless to do anything but kiss her back. She knew it was mind over matter. She knew Meredith would stop if she asked her to. Still, her body was a traitor, and she held the blonde tighter as they kissed. 

_“She's the love of my life,” The Captain had said. “We've been married for 40 years. I love her. She's my best friend, she's my everything. She's the love of my life. It's complicated. Love is complicated.”_

Love was so very complicated. If there was one thing she agreed with her father on, it was that. She pulled back slowly, as Meredith let out a groan in disappointment.

“We need to get back, Mere.”

“Do we have to?” Meredith whined.

She smiled, “ _This_ is why no one tells any new Attendings they can leave, and why most don’t,” She kissed her once more before handing her the keys, “Come on.”

Meredith took the keys with a soft smile, “Fine.” 

* * *

Jackson and April were at the nurse’s station grabbing charts as Meredith and Addison walked past, offering them both smiles as they headed to the Attendings lounge. One of the nurses, Maddison, looked up as the two women passed and scoffed.

“Can you believe they’re not even hiding it?” She asked the nurse to her right.

“Hm?” the shorter nurse, Maxine, questioned, and then followed her line of sight, “Why would they hide it when everyone knows?”

“Maybe that’s why Shepherd left? Because he found out.” Maddison questioned.

“Maybe that’s why Montgomery took the job off so quickly? Because she’s been screwing Grey for months.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” April spoke up, startling the two nurses and him, if he was honest, “First off, you don’t know anything! Drs. Grey and Montgomery are respectable doctors in this hospital, and for you to gossip about them shows how much you really know!”

“Alright, let’s go,” He gently took her arm, leading her away from the nurse’s station.

“Shepherd really deserves better than both of them,” Maddison said as they were walking away.

“You know what,” April stated but he kept walking away with her.

“No, no,” he said softly, “Not the fight to take. They’ll get theirs, April.” He looked back at the nurse’s station to find the two had gone back to work, “They’ll get theirs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter was super fun to write. Next chapter, Derek is back, so look forward to that. Or don’t. Anyway, please review!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick time-skip to start this chapter off. Enjoy!

Four days later, Meredith sat at the kitchen table, staring at the divorce papers without really seeing them. She’d read and re-read them over and over, her pen clutched numbly in her hand. It was simple, to the point, exactly what she wanted. And yet, she was stuck in her memories, both the good and the bad, but the more she thought about it, the more the bad ones kept popping up.

 _“I love you, Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you_.”

_“You can’t trust anybody! No matter what I do, you’re always looking for reasons not to trust me. I can’t do it anymore.”_

_“You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning, and you saved me.”_

_“I love you and I want you, but I don’t know what to do...You didn’t swim. You didn’t swim, and you know how to.”_

_“My trial is about to disappear. You really wanna act like I’m the bad guy here?”_

_“I don’t know how to raise a child with someone who doesn’t understand that there’s a right and wrong in the world.”_

They were doomed from the start; she knew it now. They’d been falling apart long before the clinical trial, she just refused to let what they had die. Refused it with every fiber of her being. And then the clinical trial had happened and Adele...

“Ma, Ma, Ma,” She looked up as Zola came waddling slowly into the room, her hands wrapped tightly around Lexie’s fingers as her aunt helped her walk.

“She was missing you,” Lexie explained with a soft smile, directing the little girl to her. 

She picked her up and held her close, sighing softly as Lexie took the seat beside her. Lexie had been staying with her for the last few days while Addison was down in L.A. collecting her things and wrapping up some cases she couldn’t hand off. That had made Alex happy, at least, as she’d given him the temporary Head of Peds position until she came back. Which was supposed to be later today.

And then tomorrow, Derek would be back from suspension, if he was even coming back. She looked down at the papers again, sighing softly.

“You can do this,” Lexie said gently, placing a hand on her arm, “It’s for the best.”

She knew it was, but it still hurt. As she fiddled with the pen, she thought back to the last few days. Addison’s flight had left early Tuesday morning, and she vaguely remembered the softness of her lips as she woke her up to kiss her good-bye. Her PTSD had reared its ugly head when Addison talked about flying down. She would rather that Addison had taken the rental car down, but the redhead had reassured her that she would be completely safe.

Addison had explained that she wanted to leave the rental car here, so she had a ride to and from work. And despite her protesting that she could ride in with Lexie, Addison didn’t budge. She’d texted when she’d gotten to the airport, when she’d taken off, when she’d landed. She hated how needy she was becoming lately, hated how she needed the constant reassurance. Hated it because her mother would’ve hated her showing any weakness. But she was glad that Addison gave her the reassurance without question because she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to survive without it. They called every night before falling asleep, and she’d send texts before her surgeries when she could.

When she’d told Amelia that she was leaving Derek for Addison, she hadn’t fully come to terms with the true depth of her feelings. It was more than just a few shared kisses in the stairwell, more than longing looks and off-hand comments; she’d fallen head over heels for the redhead, and she wasn’t sure exactly when it had happened, only that it had. The moment she’d laid eyes on her in the hospital that first night all those years ago, her subconscious knew there was something there; even if Addison was the cheating wife that showed up to take Derek back to New York; even if she had wanted her to disappear because she was finally happy; even if there was only an inkling of feelings, it was there, buried underneath all that blind love to Derek. It was there, damn it. She could never explain the way her heart pounded when Addison looked at her, and she thought about the night in the bar, how Addison had pushed her to get back with Derek, when she was so sure she was going to suggest something else. She thought of Addison hugging her for the first time, her quip about stealing her husband and how she’d grown. The words had felt so forced, but she felt the genuine compassion when the taller woman had hugged her. She loved Derek, she loved him, but he would never put her first, not over surgery, not over his career, not over his ambitions.

_It was the first surgery we ever scrubbed in together on. Our first save._

Derek found beauty in surgery, in saving lives, and he loved her because she was a gifted surgeon, because she could help him to further his career.  
 _“Karev is taking the little boy into surgery.”  
“Not you?” She questioned, perplexed._

_Addison smiled, “I had a better time watching your first surgery since coming back.”_

Addison, too, found beauty in surgery, in saving lives, but she saw her as more than a gifted surgeon; she saw her as a person. She’d thought Derek did too.

The memory filters in slowly. 

_Sometime, after she’d come back from being not-dead, after her mother had died and Derek had left her to sleep, the door to the hospital room had creaked open. She was awake instantly, her back to the door, as the tell-tale sound of heels could be heard. She heard Addison take a low breath as she sat beside her, and she nearly held her breath before remembering she was supposed to be asleep. Addison’s hand stroked along her back gently, and she forced herself not to flinch at the sudden touch._

_“Thank you for not dying.” Addison’s voice washed over her still form. She didn’t cry like Cristina had earlier when she said the words. She sounded relieved. She muttered the next words, almost to herself, “God, Meredith.”_

_She wasn’t sure how long Addison sat there rubbing her back before she finally fell asleep, but when she’d woke in the morning, the redhead was gone._

After the shooting and the trial and the plane crash, after everything, she could finally follow where her heart was leading her. She looked down at the divorce papers, and with a soft sigh, signed her name. She placed the papers in a manila folder, looking up at Lexie with a smile.

“Why don’t you take Zola to daycare and I’ll go drop these off. I don’t start until after noon today, so I’ll meet you and Mark for lunch, okay?”

“Yeah, and if the weather looks good, Callie and Arizona are going to meet us for lunch outside. Is that okay?”

“That sounds perfect. Arizona and Mark need some fresh air.” For a moment, she was in the darkness, staring up at the trees, wolves growling around them. And then she took a breath, willing the images away, “And I’ve got my meeting with Dr. Wyatt at 2. And Addison is scheduled to be back around 5 tonight, so...”

Lexie laughed, “I got it. Big day.”

“For you too,” She kept Zola in her arms as she stood, grabbing their coats, “You and Amelia have that aneurysm to clip.”

“I still don’t think she likes me.”

“Well Owen made you and Amelia both Interim Co-Department Heads, so you’ll have to learn to like each other.”

 _That_ had been surprising. She hadn’t even realized Amelia knew about the offer, much less had taken the time to meet with Owen about it. And then when the decision came between Lexie and Amelia, Grey vs Shepherd, Owen had made them Co-Department Heads to _keep the peace_. And even though it was only supposed to be until Derek came back, there was talk that the Grey-Shepherd Interim heads would stay in charge for a while longer. 

Lexie smiled, taking Zola from her, “I’ll see you at the hospital.”

She hugged them both gently, pressing a kiss to Zola’s head, “Be good for Aunt Lexie. I’ll see you later, Zo Zo. Mommy loves you.”

As she watched her sister drive towards the hospital, she headed the opposite direction: to Derek’s dream house. And whether he was there or not, it didn't matter. She just had to drop off the divorce papers and she was practically free.

* * *

Derek had spent most of the morning back cleaning up the mess he’d made. He’d been gone for five days; after getting suspended, he’d gotten drunk at Joe’s, complaining to Karev, of all people, how Meredith had cheated on him with Addison, how they’d probably been having an affair for months. In his drunken state, he could rationalize that every time Addison came back to Seattle, her ulterior motive was to have sex with Meredith. It made sense. She came back to visit and screwed Meredith when she found out they weren’t together. She came back for Archer and there was Meredith, eager to keep her mind off her brother’s surgery. She came back for Callie and her growing family, and might as well throw in congratulatory sex with Meredith after the save. Hell, she probably had come back when she heard about the plane crash because fucking Meredith’s worries away had become her favorite pastime; he and Meredith had been distant for months already, the Alzheimer’s trial throwing a wrench in their marriage, so it made sense his ex-wife would find a way to make the rift bigger.

After he’d gotten home that night, a feat he wasn’t sure how he’d accomplished, he’d drunkenly called Amelia, crying. He hadn’t been proud of that, the gossip, or the crying to his baby sister. And despite his attempts to sleep, he found himself pissed. Pissed at Meredith for wanting to leave him; pissed at Addison for stealing Meredith from him right under his nose; pissed at Owen for suspending him; pissed at the world because he may never be able to hold a scalpel again. And that rage sent him on a destructive path. The house was a reminder that he was alone again. And he hated it, hated it with every fiber of his being. He just saw red. By the time he’d come back to himself, he was left with a destroyed house, furniture ruined, dishes broken, wood laying in pieces on the floor.

He’d slept off his drunken stupor, grabbed his clothes, wrote a note to Meredith, and left to visit his family; and yes, he hadn’t needed all his clothes, but he wanted Meredith to wonder if he was coming back, if she’d ignore his request in the note and call him anyway. It had pissed him off that she’d listened to it.

Those five days were what he needed to clear his head, especially after talking with his mom. When he got back early yesterday morning, he found that she’d been here; her clothes and Zola’s clothes and toys were gone. He’d spent most of the morning going over the mess he’d made, feeling extremely guilty. He knew he wouldn’t be able to show Meredith that he could be better if she’d walked into such a mess to their home. It would probably take a few days to repair the cupboards and shelves, but it wouldn’t be a hard job.

He stared out the window, watching as a black car made its way up the driveway. He didn’t recognize it, but as it pulled up beside his car, he had a suspicion he knew exactly who it was. And as Meredith stepped out of the car, the anger and resentment he’d been able to push down in this past week came springing back up; he’d thought he’d moved past it, thought that everything would be fine. She’d made a mistake, but they could fix it together. But, obviously, he’d been wrong.

She walked onto the porch and to the door. She knocked a couple times, and he hated that sound. How had they come this far, to her knocking on the door to her home? And then he debated if he even wanted to open the door. And really, that was stupid. They were still married, after all. They could still fix this.

He heard Meredith knock again, and he pushed down his anger; he went to the door, opening it quickly. She had already turned away from the door, the manila folder clutched tightly against the hoodie she wore, but as the door opened, she turned to face him. There was silence. One beat. Two. 

“Meredith,” he said softly.

She didn’t say anything at first, holding out the folder for him to take. He ignored it, staring at her instead; _I have a lawyer drawing up papers_.

“Take them,” she requested.

“No, we can fix this.”

“Damn it, Derek, just take them!” She shoved the folder into his chest angrily, “There’s nothing left to fix. I can’t do this anymore, okay?”

He let it fall to the ground as he reached out for her, grabbing her arms gently as she began to step away, “We can fix this, Meredith, we can.”

“Let me go.”

“You’re the love of my life, Meredith. I can’t let you go. I don’t want to live without you,” He replied sincerely, tightening his grip on her arms. 

“Derek, stop it, you’re hurting me.”

“I know you love me, Meredith. I won’t let you pull away again. We can fix this together.”

“Let go,” She requested again.

“Meredith, I’m not going to lose you. Not to Addison, not to anyone. Just come inside, we can talk about this.”

“Derek, let go!” She kneed him hard in the stomach with a strength he didn’t realize she had. He let go of her immediately, stumbling back as he drew in air, “There is no us anymore, Derek. There’s nothing left to fix. There’s nothing left to save. We are over. Our marriage is over. Just sign the papers so we can end this and get on with our lives.”

She didn’t wait for his reply, walking away from him angrily. He heard the car start, and only when it started down the road did he finally pick up the papers and head inside, his ego bruised and his anger at a boiling point. How dare she just walk away from him, after everything that he was going through!

* * *

Meredith wasn’t sure how she’d made it to the hospital before she finally broke down. She put the car in park, and left the engine running as everything hit her at once. Deep sobs racked her body, but she made no effort to stop them. It hurt. Everything hurt. It was like Derek didn’t see her suffering, didn’t see the way she was struggling to stay afloat. He only saw himself and his problems. But it was over. It was over and once he signed the papers, their marriage would be over and she would be free.

The chilly Seattle morning bit into her as she shut off the engine and opened the car door, wiping her face. It was still extremely early, going on nine o’clock, but she couldn’t sit at home. She just wanted to be at the hospital. Maybe the maternity ward would let her stare at babies for a few hours. But as she shut the car door and made her way into the hospital, she found herself pulling out her phone to call Addison. She would probably still be driving, 17 and a half hours was a long drive, especially with a cat. But maybe she’d stopped at a rest stop? She hoped she had because she really needed to hear her voice.

The phone rang and rang and then went to voicemail. _You’ve reached Doctor Addison Forbes Montgomery. Sorry I missed your call. Leave a message with your name and number, and I’ll get back to you._

The tone sounded so she could leave a message. What the hell was she supposed to say?

 _“It’s me, Addie. I signed the papers. I can’t wait to see you.”_ No, too emotional.

 _“Our ex-husband is an ass.”_ No, she already knew that.

 _“It’s Meredith. I gave him the papers.”_ Ugh, no.

“Addison,” and she hated that her voice cracked, hated that she’d started crying again, “Derek didn’t take it well. He...”

 _Beep_. 

She sighed softly as the robotic voice explained to call again to leave another voicemail. She didn’t have time for that, damn it.

She made her way to the bathroom to wash her face and reapply what little makeup she wore. Maybe Dr. Wyatt could squeeze her in early. 

_When did that start sounding like a good thing_?

* * *

Addison hummed along to the radio as she drove. The sun was shining, the weather was in the upper 70s, and she had managed to get out of L.A. earlier than she’d planned. Instead of getting back around 5, she was scheduled to be back around noon, when Meredith was starting her shift. It wasn’t much of a difference, but to her, those 5 hours meant more time with Meredith. And that was what mattered.

She pulled into a rest stop a little after 9 to stretch her legs, pulling out her phone to check Seattle’s weather. Rainy and cold, go figure. She adjusted the top on her convertible, much to Milo’s disappointment. He was enjoying the sun coming into his carrier. As she went to put her phone back in her purse, she saw the indicator for a missed call and voicemail. She couldn’t help but smile seeing Meredith’s name on the display. These past few days had been so hard on them both, and she was looking forward to seeing the blonde again. Right now, she’d have to settle for hearing her voice.

Instead of a warm or somewhat sleepy voice of the new Attending, there was silence for a solid fifteen seconds. Thinking her phone was messing up, she looked at it quizzically, putting it on speaker. When Meredith’s voice finally came through the speaker, her voice was cracking and she was crying, “Addison, Derek didn’t take it well. He -” 

The message cut off suddenly, and she wasn’t sure which emotion claimed her first: worry over Meredith or red-hot anger at Derek. She’d promised herself that Derek wouldn’t be left alone with Meredith, and now he’d somehow hurt her. The rational part of her brain spoke up, and she dialed Meredith quickly. Surely there was a misunderstanding. Derek would never hit a woman, especially not one he claimed he loved. 

Except Meredith’s phone was going to voicemail and that wasn’t like her, not at all. She didn’t leave a voicemail, not trusting herself to speak. With an apologetic glance at Milo, she threw the car into gear. 

“We have to go get our girl, Milo.” She said to the cat as he hissed at the sudden movement. 

_Get our girl and not beat Derek Shepherd to death_.

* * *

Meredith came out of her session with Dr. Wyatt feeling about 95 percent better than when she’d gone in. Which was weird, because she’d never spent an hour and a half in a psychiatrist’s office. 

“Our hour is up,” She’d stopped mid-sentence as she looked at the clock.

Dr. Wyatt waved her off, “It’s fine, Meredith. I don’t have another appointment for a few hours. Keep going.”

And so, she’d kept going, talking about how worried she was that Addison hadn’t answered her phone; how angry she was at Derek for continuing to try and win her back. How she was glad that Mark and Arizona were going to be able to go home soon. How the nightmares about Lexie had stopped. It really was cathartic just to have someone listen. And, yes, Addison did that, but Addison wouldn’t be home until later tonight, and she’d needed someone now.

She found Cristina and Alex outside Dr. Wyatt’s office waiting for her.

“How’d the talk with the shrink go?” Alex asked.

She rolled her eyes, “Good. You should try it. She’ll have to listen to your sob stories.”

“Very funny, Medusa,” he snarked back.

“Big words there, Evil Spawn,” Cristina replied, “We know you’re just jealous that we have hot women to go home to at night.”

“Screw you,” he answered, but there was no bit to his words.

She smiled, listening to her friends talk. She still had about an hour and a half to go before she started her shift, and she was considering just napping in an on-call room. But then she figured she would visit Zola. Or maybe she could visit Zola and get a quick power nap in after.

As her friends branched off, Alex to surgery and Cristina to watch one of Teddy’s, she headed to the board. Maybe she could sweet-talk Bailey into letting her scrub in on something later before she went down to see Zola. 

As she made her way to the board and saw Bailey, she heard someone calling her name.

* * *

Addison didn’t want to think about all the different traffic violations she’d done as she made a three-hour trip in just under two hours. She dropped her clothes and Milo off at the house, and set him up with his food and water and litter box. 

“Stay off the counters,” She warned him, before she was rushing out of the house again, making sure to lock it up tight. 

She needed to find Meredith, to make sure she was really okay. She’d tried her phone a few other times but again, her calls went straight to voicemail.

She made it to the hospital in record time. She parked quickly, going through everything on autopilot as she made her way into the hospital. If anyone tried to talk to her, she was deaf to them; she didn’t see anyone, moving on instinct around people. She flew up the stairs to the surgical floor, Meredith’s words floating through her head. 

_Derek didn’t take it well. He -_

Every image her mind conjured up, she rejected. Derek wouldn’t hurt a woman. He wouldn’t. And yet, she thought of the last week and a half, how Meredith would flinch when he got too loud, how she flinched when he reached out to touch her. Meredith was a small woman. Strong, yes. Capable, yes. But she was small, and even if Derek hadn’t used a lot of force, he could’ve easily hurt her. If Meredith was hurt, she would never forgive herself.

She caught sight of Meredith making her way to where Bailey stood in front of the surgical board and called out to her, “Meredith!”

* * *

Miranda Bailey had seen a lot in her years as a surgeon. She’d gone from a shy, quiet intern to a loud, sometimes brazen General Attending. She’d seen people come and go, held the hands of patients as they passed, lost and saved many patients on the OR floor. There wasn’t much that could surprise the woman people referred to as “the Nazi.” 

But seeing one of the most well-respected neonatal surgeons in the world - _the world_ \- running across the surgical floor shouting Meredith Grey’s name had her completely surprised. Addison Montgomery was nothing if not calm and poised. And to see her as anything other than that was surprising. She took one look at the woman and took a few steps back, watching the inevitable collision.

“Addison?” Meredith’s voice held nothing but confusion, but that was all she could say before the woman in question crashed into her, pulling her into a bone-crushing hug.

“You don’t answer your phone, and I’ve been calling you for over two hours,” Addison was rambling as she held the blonde at arm’s length, looking her over, and she’d never known the woman to even stutter, “When I get my hands on that bastard I’m going to…”

She’s been Meredith Grey’s resident since her first day. Meredith had done a lot of stupid things in her career. She’d also done a lot of brave things as well. And as she watched Meredith stop Addison’s rambling with a rather passionate kiss, she couldn’t decide if she was more brave or more stupid.

* * *

Addison melted into the kiss, and Meredith took that as a good sign. She broke away slowly, looking at Addison with a gentle smile.

“You’re home.”

“I’m home.” Addison repeated.

And for a moment, she was captivated. Addison was here, she was home. She was...

“You two are blocking traffic,” Bailey’s voice was loud, breaking her from her thoughts, “On-call rooms are down the hall if you want to continue your conversation there.” As she smiled sheepishly at Bailey and pulled Addison with her to an empty on-call room, she heard the woman say, “Show’s over! You’re doctors, people, go do your jobs!” And she wasn’t sure how many people just saw her kiss Addison in the middle of the packed surgical floor, but she knew by the end of the night, they were going to be at the center of the rumor mill.

* * *

Addison sat on the lower bunk as Meredith locked the door so they wouldn’t be disturbed. As she made her way over, she pulled the blonde onto her lap, which Meredith didn’t object to, moving to kiss her again.

She was wearing her Yale hoodie, and the smell of her lavender shampoo wafting over her. Three days was far too long without Meredith in her arms. And as much as she wanted to keep kissing her, she still had to get an answer.

“You said he did something,” she said as they broke apart for air, “In your voicemail, you said he did something.”

“He got angry,” Meredith replied, and the mood was stalled as she continued to talk, “He grabbed me, wanted to talk about it inside, wanted to fix it. I told him there was nothing left to fix. Made him let go of me.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“I’m fine, Addie.”

She gently cradled Meredith’s face in her hands, “Did he hurt you, Mere?”

“Just a little, when he grabbed me,” She let out a soft laugh, one Addison didn’t return, “No bruises though. I checked.”

“Never again,” Addison’s voice was firm.

“Never again,” She echoed, “I signed the papers, Addison.”

She kissed her softly, delighting in the sigh against her mouth as she was kissed back, “You signed the papers.”

Meredith smiled softly, “We’re free.”

She deepened the kiss. _They were free_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m thinking I’m going to finish this story in the next chapter. We shall see. Who knows what my muse is going to dream up next! Please review!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I had a lot of fun with this chapter. It mostly deals with Addison and Meredith coming to terms with everything, and Derek being, well, Derek.

Addison ran her hand gently through Meredith’s hair, gazing down at her lovingly while she watched her sleep. Today had been emotionally exhausting, and it wasn’t even noon yet; she knew there was more to the story of what happened with Derek than what Meredith had told her, but she wouldn’t push her. She didn’t need to know everything to know she was pissed at the man. Meredith didn’t deserve to be harassed by him, no matter what she did.

_And you must be the woman who’s been screwing my husband_. The shock and hurt look on Meredith’s face still came to mind. She’d assumed that Meredith had known that Derek was married, that she was knowingly the other woman, but she hadn’t. She hadn’t, and maybe that was where her feelings had begun changing.

_I don’t hate you_. And Meredith, high on morphine, laying in a hospital bed, had smiled at her, smiled at her like she’d just won the lottery. How could Meredith have ever thought she’d hated her? She didn’t know Derek was married. And yes, prom had happened, but she hadn’t blamed Meredith for that. Derek wasn’t anything if not persistent. And there was Meredith, laying in the bed, telling her that Derek had hurt her when he’d picked her, Addison. 

_The only people who don’t know Derek loves Meredith are Derek and Meredith_. When she’d told Richard that, she knew exactly how she phrased it. Derek loved Meredith, was in love with Meredith, but she couldn’t stand the thought of Meredith being in love with Derek, even then. She wanted to call it petty jealousy, a claim on the man she’d once married, but it wasn’t. It was something else entirely.

_Meredith wasn’t a fling. She wasn’t revenge. I fell in love with her_. Even if Derek had said he wasn’t saying it to hurt her, it had. She didn’t understand why his words hurt her, not until later, much later. And it wasn’t that Derek had fallen in love with Meredith, no that wasn’t what hurt her. It was that Meredith returned his feelings; she knew that Meredith was in love with Derek too, and that killed her. And she hadn’t known why. Until she did.

_Thank you for not dying. God, Meredith_. She knew the blonde was awake, had felt the subtle shift in her breathing, and as she sat there, she thought about calling her out on it. But she didn’t. Because she’d seen Meredith’s lifeless body in that room, blue and intubated and flatlined, and she almost sank against the wall like Derek had done, despondent, worried. That was when everything had become clear; somehow, somewhere in the entire mess that had happened since she’d walked through Seattle Grace’s doors, she’d started falling in love with Meredith Grey, just as Derek had. And she had reassured Derek and Meredith’s friends like she wasn’t breaking down inside. She had to be the strong one because Derek believed she’d gone into the water on purpose. He thought it was intentional, that Meredith was trying to kill herself, and she had never wanted to hit him more in that moment. Meredith was a fighter, damn it. Meredith survived, and she found a bathroom to cry out her relief. And then Meredith was fake-sleeping and Derek had left for the night, and she was sitting beside the woman who had stolen her heart without even trying.

_I need a reason to get up every morning. I need to get up and not care if it’s raining or that I'm 39 and alone._ She needed the position as Chief, she needed it so bad. She couldn’t have Meredith, and then she wasn’t made Chief. And so, she’d fled to L.A. because she couldn’t face her feelings; she was falling in love, and Meredith would never love her back. And it was all because Meredith and Derek were the new Derek and Addison, and it made her feel sick to her stomach. And every time she came back, she was reminded of that fact.

_You broke up with Meredith Grey_? She couldn’t understand how Derek could hurt Meredith over and over like that. She deserved to be happy, damn it, even if it wasn’t with her. And then Meredith had called her over as she was leaving the bar. And all she wanted to do was sit beside her, grab a drink, and tell her that she was in love with her; she wanted to spill everything, put everything on the table, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t because she would never deserve Meredith. So, she buried her feelings again and told her not to let Derek run off into the sunset with Rose. She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, had wanted to take them back, tell her because they were both single and she wanted to make Meredith happy. But she had a life in L.A., and Meredith had a life in Seattle. And she was in love with her, but she couldn’t know. So she buried her feelings, and then she’d left. And when she’d come back for Archer and then for Callie, Meredith and Derek we’re together both times and she was miserable, but Meredith was happy. Meredith was happy and that was what mattered.

And then a week ago, she could’ve lost Meredith forever. It was worse than seeing Meredith with Derek. Because the car was speeding towards Meredith, who didn’t even see it, who started to step out into the crosswalk. God, what if she hadn’t been quick enough? She kept coming back to that. What if she hadn’t? _That was too close. Are you okay? What the hell were you even thinking? Christ, Meredith, you were rescued from a plane crash two days ago, for God's sake! Are you even listening to me?_ Even now, Meredith’s dazed eyes haunted her.

She felt Meredith shift in her arms then, and she was brought back to the present. She had Meredith in her arms. That was something she never thought would be real. Sleepy-eyed, Meredith stared up at her, as if surprised she was still there.

“Hi,” Meredith said softly.

“Hi,” she replied, “Enjoy your nap?”

Meredith nodded, almost shyly, “Did you sleep?”

“No, but that’s alright. I’ll sleep tonight. Are you on a sixteen?”

“A twelve. Did I keep you up?”

“No, my thoughts did. Your snoring is cute, Mere.” Meredith blushed, and she smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips, “All of you is cute.”

“I’m a surgeon, Addie. I’m not cute,” Meredith protested with a slight pout.

“You’re a cute surgeon,” She said as a compromise, “Cute and badass.”

“Whatever you say, Satan.”

“Ruler of all that is evil.” She corrected immediately. 

Meredith laughed, and she definitely felt her heart flutter. She kissed her again, just because she could, and Meredith sighed contently as she kissed back. Nope, she confirmed to herself for what felt like the millionth time, she would never get tired of kissing this woman. Meredith pushed her gently onto her back and deepened the kiss. As she started to respond to it, the blonde’s phone started going off. With a sigh, Meredith reluctantly pulled away, grabbing for the device.

“Damn alarm,” She heard the woman mumble.

“Work soon?” She questioned, even though she knew the answer. 

“10 minutes,” Came the reply as Meredith set her phone back down.

She gently grabbed Meredith’s arm, pulling her back onto the bed. “Have you ever played 7 minutes in heaven?” Meredith shook her head, and she smirked, “That’s alright. I’ll teach you how to play, with modified rules of course.” And then she kissed her again.

* * *

Meredith stumbled out of the on-call room, Addison’s laugh still ringing in her ears and her lips still tingling. She bolted down the hallway to the Attendings lounge, knowing she only had a few minutes to spare. And even if she was late, she wasn’t worried about it. Her residents were capable of watching over her patients for a few extra minutes. And as she raced down the hall, she thought back to each of those seven minutes Addison had talked about. 

Satan played dirty, and even though it was only kissing, her body was absolutely on fire. She was aching for more, and Addison promised more. 

“When we get home.” And Addison calling her house _home_ made her more giddy. What was the woman doing to her?

She changed into her scrubs quickly, relieved to find the Attendings lounge void of anyone but Cristina and Callie, who were too deep in a conversation to notice her.

“I didn’t know Satan left love bites,” Cristina said as she was changing.

“What?” She looked in a mirror and blushed at the hickeys that were forming along her collarbone and neck, a neat little row, “Oh my God.”

“That’s an oxymoron,” Cristina answered, and she rolled her eyes in mock-annoyance.

“We heard Addison wants to kill someone,” Callie said, “So what did Derek do?”

She sighed as she fixed her white coat over the dark blue scrubs, trying to hide the hickeys with her clothes, “He got a little handsy with me when I went to give him the divorce papers.”

“What?” Both of her friends looked at her sharply.

“It’s fine. He didn’t hurt me.” She could barely remember where he’d grabbed her, “Just shocked me, is all.”

“He put his hands on you, Meredith, that's not okay,” Callie said.

“It’s _fine_ ,” she insisted as she ran a brush through her hair quickly, “I took care of it.” She turned, rummaging through her jeans, “Where’s my phone?” She’d _just_ had it, damn it. So where was it?

“Mere,” She turned at Addison’s voice as the neonatal surgeon walked into the room, holding up the device, “forget something?”

“You’re a lifesaver,” She smiled as she grabbed her phone, leaning up to kiss her, just because she could, “Thank you.” 

She felt Addison’s smile as she kissed her back. And as quickly as it started, it ended, much to her disappointment.

“If that’s the thanks I get, I’ll make sure you forget things more often,” Addison smirked at her, smoothing the lines of her white coat, “I’m going to get some work done at home, and then I’ll meet you for a late dinner, say 9?”

“Okay,” She confirmed.

“Okay.” Addison echoed.

* * *

Cristina followed Addison out the door, and Callie turned to Meredith, who was smiling wide. 

“Did you cheat on Derek with Addison?”

There were probably a hundred different ways she could’ve asked that, but she needed to know. 

George, Rest in Peace, had cheated on her with Izzie, and even though it had been a one-time thing, she knew that betrayal. She knew what it was like to have the person you loved more than anyone betray your trust. And yes, Addison was one of her best friends, and she wanted her happy. But Derek was a colleague, and he didn’t deserve to be cheated on.

The smile on Meredith’s face dropped, and she braced herself. _I will not hit her; I will not hit her_. She wasn’t expecting the blonde to start rambling.

“It was just a kiss. She saved me from getting run over by a car. Derek was being an ass, insisting on driving home. I stayed the night at Addison’s hotel. The feelings were there, they’ve been there for a long time. But we didn’t do anything. She held me after a nightmare, and we fell back asleep. The next day, Derek and I fought; he was angry that I hadn’t come home. I threw my rings at him, told him I wanted a divorce, and left the room. Addison followed me. We kissed in the stairwell,” Meredith looked up at her, tears in her eyes, “I know that we should’ve waited until the divorce was finalized, but we didn’t. All we’ve done is kiss,” _basically_ , Callie thought, thinking of the line of love bites Addison had left, “and it’s wrong because I signed the papers today, and he hasn’t yet. I’m a cheater, and I should care more, but I don’t. And I hate myself for it.”

“Okay, okay,” She pulled Meredith into a hug, holding her tightly as the dam broke loose. This was who Alex was calling Medusa? “It’s alright, Grey. It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not,” She heard Meredith mumble.

“Yes, it is. You’re following your heart. That’s all that matters right now. You can’t take back what happened, so move forward.”

Meredith nodded and sniffled, wiping her eyes as she stepped back, “Thanks, Callie.”

“You’re welcome. And remember, if you break Addison’s heart, I’m breaking your legs.”

Meredith laughed softly at that, and that was enough.

* * *

Cristina ran to catch up with Addison, “So, what does Satan see in Medusa?”

“Medusa?” Addison arched an eyebrow as they walked together.

“It’s Alex’s nickname for Meredith.”

“Ah,” Came the response, “Is this your way of asking what my intentions with Meredith are, Yang?”

“She’s my best friend.”

“And I love her,” Addison answered immediately, “I’m in love with her, Cristina, okay?”

Her eyes widened as they came to a stop in a deserted corridor. Addison stopped a few paces ahead of her, though neither woman knew who was leading. For a moment they were both silent.

“You’re in love with her?” She questioned, just because she had to be sure.

Addison sighed, leaning back against the wall, “I’ve loved her for a long time. I left because I was falling in love with her. That’s why I went to L.A. I was going to settle with being Chief because then I would have a reason to talk to her. But I didn’t get the position, and I couldn’t stay and watch them fall even more in love.”

“They had broken up when you first came back for a visit, so why didn’t you say something then?” Honestly, it made no sense. If Addison was in love, then why the hell hadn’t she told Meredith that?

Addison leaned her head back against the wall as she let out a quiet, self-depreciative chuckle, “Derek is in love with Meredith. And I know part of Meredith is always going to love him, but I couldn’t be the reason that they stayed apart. Meredith deserves to be happy, even if it’s not with me.”

The way Addison was talking reminded her of the conversation with Teddy when they’d decided to pursue a relationship.

_You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy, Cristina. Not with me, not out of guilt over Henry. And Owen loves you so much. So why would you pick me?_

“She looks pretty happy with you,” Addison looked at her with a frown, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this happy with McDreamy.”

“Oh, please. The man built her a house.”

“You could build her ten houses,” She replied, because she knew Addison was trying to find reasons to flee, “She’s not with you out of guilt. She’s with you because she loves you.”

_I’m picking you because I love you, Teddy. And it scares me, alright? I’m terrified to love you, but I’ve felt this way about anyone before. And yeah, Owen loves me, but I love you._

“What if this isn’t worth it? What if we’re making a mistake?” She’d never seen Satan look so unsure.

“If you find someone who you love enough to ruin your entire life for, it’s always worth it.”

“What are you, a hallmark machine?” Addison questioned, arching an eyebrow at her.

“Meredith loves you, Addison. A part of her may still love Derek, just like I’m sure a part of you still loves him. And yeah, you two are messy and complicated, and your shared ex is a bit, you know?” Addison nodded, “But you get her. You don’t try to change her. You look at her all dark and twisty, and you don’t get scared. You had the opportunity to do an amazing surgery on a little boy and you let Evil Spawn do it because you wanted to watch her first surgery back.”

“Does _everyone_ know that?”

“Teddy and I were watching in the gallery,” She answered, “And you never took your eyes off Meredith until they’d closed. You know what Derek would’ve done?”

“He would’ve taken that boy into surgery because he’s the best,” Addison replied.

“You’re the best too, Addison. The difference is that you and Arizona mentored Alex. You knew he was capable of doing the surgery and that if he had a problem, he could’ve paged you.” She took a step forward, so that she was in front of the taller woman, “You prioritized Meredith over surgery, something that we both know Derek Shepherd would never do.”

Addison nodded, blinking back tears as she attempted to be snarky, “Careful there, Yang. Someone might think you prefer Satan corrupting your person.”

“I would rather have you corrupting Mere than Derek flashing McDreamy smiles while being a complete ass.”

“I’ll pay you to stop calling in McDreamy.”

She smiled gently, “Promise me that you won’t hurt her, Addison. Because if you do, I have a shovel.”

Addison smirked, “I imagine Callie is giving Meredith the exact same conversation.”

“Probably,” She confirmed.

* * *

Around three p.m., Derek stepped out of his session with Dr. Wyatt feeling on edge. The session itself had gone well, talking about his hand and recovery time; his mother had agreed to come down and see about giving him a nerve from her leg, but he was still feeling angry. It was more at himself, for allowing himself to be angry over what Meredith and Addison had done. Sure, it had hurt, but Meredith had been pulling away for months. And if she was having an affair with Addison, then all he could do was walk away. There was no reason to confront it. He’d signed the divorce papers; they were laying on top of Meredith’s things in the Attendings lounge. Their marriage was over. And it stung more than it had when he and Addison got divorced. But he knew why.

He’d actually lost both his ex-wives to each other. There was some kind of irony in it, he supposed. And while he didn’t care what Addison did, he did care about Meredith. She was still the love of his life, and while he’d debated actually signing the papers, he knew they could just start over. Whatever was going on between Addison and Meredith was purely physical, quick fucks that would never mean anything. He and Meredith had a life and a daughter together. They were always going to be connected. And he knew that they could find their love again.

He made his way down the hallway, intending to go to the stairwell to avoid more people. Someone bumped into him as they passed by.

“I’m sorry.” Came the immediate reply.

“It’s alright,” he stopped and did a double take, “Meredith?”

“Derek?” The blonde froze, “What are you doing here?”

“I had an appointment with Dr. Wyatt,” He could do this. He could be civil, “We talked about my hand, career, the fun stuff.”

Meredith looked physically relieved, and that hurt, “Good. That’s good.” She started past him, “I have a patient.”

He reached out and grabbed her arm, “We’re not done talking.”

Meredith struggled to wrench her arm away, “Yes, we are.”

He hated the look in her eyes, “Are you scared of me, Meredith?”

“No,” she bit out, “now let me go.”

And he wanted to ignore her, wanted to show her how much he loved her. He thought about the two of them working together on Nuero, how easily they had before the trial had happened. They could have that again.

“You’re the love of my life, Meredith.”

She wrenched her arm free and took a step back, taking a breath before she spoke, “Addison and I weren’t having an affair, and this wasn’t some kind plot to make you jealous. I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with her.”

He’d spoken nearly identical words to Addison about Meredith, “You fell in love with her?”

“I’m not saying this to hurt you, Derek. Up until the moment I threw my rings at you and walked out, I was committed to us.”

“And then it was all free game, wasn’t it?” He struggled to keep his anger in check, “You slept with her that night, didn’t you?”

“Addison and I have never slept together.”

He caught sight of the hickeys along her neck and pushed aside her hair to get a better look, “And I suppose you gave these to yourself?”

She batted his hand away, “Did you sign the papers?”

“Yes, I signed the papers,” he said with a sigh.

“Then what I do and who I do it with are none of your concern, Dr. Shepherd. I have a patient.”

And then she was gone, and he was left staring after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Lovely news, there’s more chapters. I’ll know more as I plot, but there’s definitely more to come. Don’t forget to review.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Am I doing an entire chapter mostly in Derek’s POV? Yes, I am. Am I also changing the timeline for events in Private Practice to fit this story? Also yes. Enjoy.

Derek tried to think where it all went wrong. Where did the love that Meredith had for him disappear to? Was it something in the last six months? The last year? They were happy before the trial, before Meredith’s major screw up. He still didn’t know the details, just that he was blacklisted forever. Blacklisted over something his wife ( _newly ex-wife_ , he thought bitterly) had done. But was it already cracking before the trial had even begun? Surely not.

He thought back to a conversation he had with Addison, after Meredith went into the bay. After Addison had dragged him from Ellis Grey’s room, after he had yelled at Meredith’s mother because…

_“That woman is... “_

_“She's cold,” Addison had interrupted, and no doubt she was thinking of her own mother, “There's no question, but she can't help herself, and she certainly can't fix Meredith.”_

_“It's my fault.”_

_“Don't,” Addison started._

_“See, I knew what was going on, and I wasn't there for her.”_

_“You’re human.”_

_“She was pulling away from me and I just...it's just…”_

_There was something in Addison’s eyes, hurt, confusion maybe, he wasn’t sure, even now, “You think...you think that she went in the water on purpose?” The disbelief in her tone struck him as odd. She didn’t know Meredith, hadn’t been the one to pull her out of the bathtub that morning._

_“She knows how to swim, she's a good swimmer.”_

_Addison had gently grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her,” Derek, you don't know that she’s…” She stopped and steeled herself, “No, you do not get to break down, you don't get to fall apart. Not when there's still a chance, and there still is a chance Derek.” If he had imagined that one day Addison would be comforting him about his girlfriend, he would’ve laughed._

_“Ok,” He’d answered._

_“Ok,” Addison had echoed._

She’d been trying to keep herself together too, he realized. She’d been speaking to him, but she was also reassuring herself. Even back then, when she should’ve hated Meredith, she was… He stopped, frowning at the way his thoughts were heading. No, it was ridiculous. Addison didn’t even deserve Meredith. She was tainted; she ruined everything she touched. 11 years of marriage had taught him that much. 

He’d spent the day after his meeting with Dr. Wyatt cleaning the house. It was hard, only being able to use one hand, but he’d managed. He’d make the house their home again. He would make her fall back in love with him.

 _“I_ _love you, Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you_.”

_“You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning, and you saved me.”_

_“I know you love me, Meredith. I won’t let you pull away again. We can fix this together.”_

As he laid down on the bed to sleep, he tried to think of the perfect plan. Her schedule was supposed to be all 12s this week, he knew, because he would be on the same rotation once he was back. _I’ll make you love me again_ , he thought as the haze of sleep fell over him, _I will_.

* * *

He blinked sleepily at the alarm clock as it blared loudly. He’d been having a great dream, so he wasn’t quite sure why it had gone off like it had. The neon red letters stared back at him. 11:30. Meredith was due to get off around midnight. 

_“I fell in love with her.”_ Meredith’s words sounded over and over in his head; they’d been there all day, ever since she told him.

And yes, he’s signed the divorce papers, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t still in love with her. He just had to make her see that he was still the love of her life. He had to. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and dressed quickly. She probably didn’t have a ride home, so he would be there to give her one. He would start by being friends with her, and then she’d see that she was still in love with him. He made the quick trip to the hospital, trying to calm himself. They were in love; just because they divorced doesn’t mean that went away.

 _“That doesn’t just go away because I chose to stay with you_.” He’d told Addison once and at the time, he’d felt guilty over seeing the pain in her eyes. Now though, he wished he’d stayed with Meredith from the beginning. Maybe Addison would’ve left sooner.

Assuming Meredith would be in the Attendings lounge, he made his way there first. Finding it empty, he figured he’d missed her on the way in. As he made his way back to the hospital entrance, he tried to think of what to say. 

_I figured you’d needed a ride home._

_How about I give you a lift home?_

_There’s no reason we can’t still be friends._

Each one sounded more ridiculous. She was the love of his life, damn it. She should still want to be with him.

As he rounded the corner to the lobby, he finally saw her. Meredith was sitting on one of the many couches, leaning back, eyes closed. God, she looked beautiful. She was beautiful. Just looking at her made him happy, like he could forget his problems. As he started to approach her, he faltered as her name was called.

He watched as Addison came in through the hospital doors, an easy smile on her lips. She was wearing a pair of jeans, Meredith’s Dartmouth shirt, a long peacoat and sneakers. Did Addison even own sneakers? And why did she have to be wearing Meredith’s ratty Dartmouth shirt?

He snuck closer just to hear what was being said.

“You look exhausted,” Addison said as she held open Meredith’s jacket for her.

Meredith hummed in reply, letting Addison help her, “I feel exhausted.”

“Let’s get you home then.”

It felt so surreal to be watching this exchange, but as he continued to, he was struck with the familiarity of it. He remembered how he’d helped Meredith with her coat the night Addison first walked into Seattle Grace. And everything had come crashing down from there.

“- appreciate you coming to pick me up,” Meredith was saying.

“It’s no trouble. Lexie brought pizza for dinner.”

He felt like an interloper. But at the same time, he didn’t. Meredith was just confused, damn it. He loved her; she loved him. Addison was just a fling, a reaction to the plane crash.

 _“Addison and I weren’t having an affair, and this wasn’t some kind plot to make you jealous.”_ It may not have been an affair, but she’d still cheated on him. It still hurt. If only he felt jealous. Maybe of Addison for kissing Meredith the first time he saw it happen. Now, now he just felt angry. And he wasn’t all too sure who he was angrier with. Maybe Addison. She took advantage of Meredith in a traumatic time, had used it to her gain. If she hadn’t come back to check up on everyone, then none of this would’ve happened. He and Meredith would still be happily married. He glared at the redhead, though he doubted she could even see him, as he kept back against the wall and out of sight.

But Meredith, God, he was livid with Meredith. She knew how he felt about cheating. She _knew_ , and she still cheated on him.

“Pizza sounds so good right now,” Meredith’s voice broke him from his thoughts.

“And you’ve still got to meet Milo.” Addison said as she wrapped an arm around her waist. He watched as Meredith leaned into her, “He loves Zola, so he’ll love you too.”

“I don’t know,” He could hear the playfulness in the blonde’s tone, “I don’t have a way with pussies like you do, Addie.”

Addison’s laugh cut deep. That should be him with Meredith, sharing inside jokes, not her.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Addison’s voice dropped, and it was harder to hear her, “I think you have a way with everything, Dr. Grey.”

Meredith didn’t say anything to that, and he looked around the corner to find out why. And then immediately wished he hadn’t. Meredith had Addison in a gentle kiss, and Addison was holding loosely to the lapels of Meredith’s jacket as she responded. And it was so wrong. So fucking wrong. Meredith was _his_ , damn it. What right did Addison have to steal her away? 

“I need food,” Meredith said as they broke apart, “And a shower, and to kiss my daughter. And to sleep.”

“I can help you with all of those,” Addison replied, “Especially the shower.”

He hated her. He’d hated her when she’d cheated on him with Mark; hated her when she’d shown up in Seattle; hated her for all the comments she’d made about him not hurting Meredith again, like she had any right to tell him that; hated that Meredith had confided in her; hated her when she’d been the one to check Meredith out after her near car accident. But most of all, he hated her because she’d somehow taken Meredith from him; she’d weaved her web, made Meredith fall under her spell. He hated her because she loved Meredith, was kissing Meredith; and the worst part was that Meredith believed that she was in love with her. And that was unacceptable.

He watched as the two women held hands, as Meredith bent down to grab the folder with the signed papers he’d left on her things that afternoon; watched as Addison took Meredith’s bag from her with a patient smile; watched the two head towards the exit.

 _“Addison and I have never slept together.”_ She’d said.

He frowned. Now, they didn’t have a reason not to. The thought made him sick.

* * *

It was nearly three days later when he saw Meredith again, and, like last time, she wasn’t alone. He’d just finished up a consult for Jackson and was heading towards Owen’s office. He actually had an appointment with Dr. Wyatt soon, but he just needed time to himself. God, that woman could get into his head. He stopped on the bridge leading to Owen’s office. The bridge where he and Mark had fought, where he’d gotten shot, where Meredith had begged him not to die. As he looked out the window at the horizon, he tried to think of all the good. He’d fallen in love again in this hospital, started his family here. He and Meredith had come so far, and for it to end like it had…

“...it’s fine, Lexie.” Her voice pierced through his thoughts, and he turned to see her and Lexie coming through the doors, heading towards Owen’s office, not even seeing him.

“Are you sure? Because I know that there’s history,” Lexie rambled.

“You and Mark are family. Of course you can stay,” And whatever else was lost as they continued out of earshot.

He felt so out of touch with everyone. He still had time before his appointment, so maybe he should go and see Mark. He’d been avoiding him since he’d blown up at him.

* * *

He watched from the doorway. Mark was sitting up in bed, holding Sofia carefully; the baby was enamored by her father, grabbing at him and giggling as he pretended to bite her fingers.

Miranda’s voice was gentle yet firm, “You are to do no heavy lifting whatsoever, Sloan. Take it easy for a few days. No hanky-panky. You hear me, Grey? Don’t let him try to convince you with his Mcwhatever smile.”

Lexie blushed and stammered out a, “Yes, Dr. Bailey.”

“And you two,” He just now realized that Addison was standing beside Callie, both of them next to Mark, “make sure he keeps his appointment.”

“Absolutely,” Callie confirmed.

“Well, he and Lexie will be staying with Meredith and I for a few days, so I don’t see how that’ll be a problem.” Addison added. The ease in which she said that actually stung.

“And where is Meredith?” Bailey asked.

“She had a consult with Jackson and Amelia,” Addison answered.

“Check up with me next week, Mark Sloan, and you may see the inside of an OR before the end of the month.”

Mark grinned, “Alright,” He turned to look at him then, like he knew he was there the entire time, and, knowing Mark, he probably did, “That’s good, right, Derek?”

He felt all the eyes in the room shift to him and resisted the urge to back away, “That’s great, Mark.”

“What are you lurking in the doorway for? Come in here.”

And for a moment, he considered it. Mark was his best friend. Miranda and Callie were his friends. Lexie was his protégé. But he couldn’t be in the same room as Addison. He was barely able to handle the neonatal consult yesterday. Every time he saw her, he’d barely kept his anger in check. _Be professional_ , he reminded himself. That was all he had to do.

“That’s alright,” He plastered on a smile, “I’ll stop by in a bit, alright?”

He started down the hall, checking his watch. Damn it, he was already late. Dr. Wyatt was going to kill him. 

“Derek,” Addison said from behind him.

He stopped but didn’t turn around. _Breathe, Derek. Breathe_ , “What is it?”

“You don’t have to...you can go and visit Mark. I’ll leave.”

“The state?” He questioned harshly.

Addison sighed softly, “No, Derek, the room. I’m not leaving Seattle Grace.”

He looked at her then, turning sharply, “I thought you were just covering for Arizona?”

“I am. But I’ve also taken my position as Head of OB back.”

“And what happened to being all zen in L.A.?” He bit out, “Don’t you have a life there?”

“My life is here,” She answered calmly.

He rolled his eyes, starting his way back down the hallway, “Unbelievable. You should never have come back here, Addison.” 

“My friends were in a plane crash, Derek!” She called after him, “Did you expect me to just stay while you all could’ve died? Do you really think I’m that heartless?”

He turned immediately and found that she had followed him down the hall, “We all could’ve died in the shooting too, but you didn’t want to come rushing back for that!” 

Something flashed in Addison’s eyes, “I would’ve come back after the shooting had my mother not died, Derek. I was in Connecticut.”

It felt like a bucket of cold water was dropped on his head, “What?” 

“It doesn’t matter now. But don’t you dare accuse me of not caring. I heard about the shooting after I got back to L.A.”

“You still didn’t come,” he replied.

She smiled sadly, “I’m back now, and that’s what matters.”

And then he watched her walk away.

* * *

An hour later, he stepped out of Dr. Wyatt’s office. Unlike the last time, he was feeling almost upbeat. He’d talked about his frustration over his hand, about his argument with Addison, about his annoyance over not talking to Meredith in over three days. 

“I just want her to see that I’m still in love with her.”

“You can still be in love with her, Derek, but you have to understand that just because you love her, she doesn’t have to love you back.”

“I do,” He’d answered.

He did; he _did_ understand. She didn’t have to love him back, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t love her. He may have been in love with Addison once, but Meredith was the love of his life, his soulmate. They were meant to be. He would show her every day that he loved her.

* * *

Meredith sighed as she stepped out of the lab. Her consult with Amelia had resulted in her agreeing to scrub in on a surgery with the younger Shepherd. She was exhausted. Her standard 12-hour shift had turned into a 48-hour not long after she’d gotten in early yesterday morning. And now, on hour 26, all she wanted to do was find an on-call room to catch a few hours before she had to scrub in. No, scratch that, she wanted to page Addison to an on-call room, to be held by the woman.

They’d seen each other briefly this morning when Addison had dropped Zola off at daycare. Addison had bought her a bagel slathered with cream cheese and a coffee, had sat beside her in the Attending lounge while she ate. The redhead had run her fingers through her hair, had listened to her ramble through an apology about her schedule change. And then Addison had reassured her, had kissed her, right there in the Attendings lounge, without a care in the world, nevermind that there were people going in and out of the room.

“I’m a surgeon too,” Addison had explained, “I understand.”

She’d managed to have a quick chat with Lexie earlier, confirming their plans for Mark and Lexie to temporarily move in with them before they went back to their apartment. As they made their way to Mark’s room, they caught up with Callie and Addison. Callie was bringing Sofia to see Mark; he was a bit apprehensive about it the first few times, not wanting to frighten her, but she’d taken one look at her Daddy on the bed and smiled wide, reaching out her arms for him. It had been cute to watch, that was for sure. Now, he held her like he used to, and everything was getting better. Bailey was on her way to Mark’s room, and they were all hoping it meant he was getting discharged. As they were waiting for Bailey, she got the page from plastics and then from neuro. 

How she was lucky enough to only have to scrub in on one surgery, she didn’t know, but she was grateful that Richard had walked by as Jackson was going over the procedure. A second page came in from Amelia, and she was glad when Jackson waved her off with a smile. 

And now, here she was, looking for an on-call room. She just needed a couple hours. Just a couple. And then she’d be good to scrub in on Amelia’s surgery. Finding no on-call rooms open (seriously, did _anybody_ use them for sleeping), she headed into the stairwell, not wanting to bother with the elevator or the pointed stares.

It was almost worse than when Derek had decided to stay with Addison; almost as bad as when she and Derek had called it quits the first time; hell, it was almost as bad as the stares she and Addison had received after their impromptu reunion in the middle of the surgical floor. No, the stares she got now were a mix of curiosity and rage. Curiosity every time she and Addison walked by together, by nurses and doctors and people who didn’t know the whole story, and rage from Derek. Every time, without fail, his angry gaze would stare daggers into her back. She wouldn’t even know he was in the room if he didn’t stare like he did. He was still angry, even if he wasn’t aware of it, so she did her best to avoid him.

And so, here she was, 26-hours into a shift she didn’t want, exhausted, so exhausted she was sure she would sleep on the stairs if she had to. She was making her way down to 3, sure that there would be a bed open somewhere in this hospital, when the door opened behind her. She looked back on instinct, and there was Derek, making his way down the steps, his cold eyes trained on her. _Un-fucking-believable_.

* * *

Derek couldn’t believe his luck. And just when he’d thought about paging her too, there was Meredith, watching as he joined her on the landing, “I’ve been looking for you.” 

“I don’t have anything to say to you, Dr. Shepherd.”

“Don’t be like that, Meredith. I just want us to be friends,” he said, gently grabbing her arm as she started to walk away.

“That’s the last thing I want us to be,” She replied.

* * *

“The last thing you want us to be?” Derek began in a quiet voice, and that was when she realized that it was the wrong thing to say, “How can you say that?”

“Dr. Shepherd, that’s enough,” She hissed out angrily, even as she struggled to pull her arm from his grasp. Why did he always grip her so tightly?

“How can you say that, Meredith? You really want to just forget these last years ever happened?”

“Doctor…” Meredith started.

“Derek,” he hissed out as he backed her into the wall, “Not Dr. Shepherd! Derek! Say it!” She glared at him, pulling her arm against her chest. He shot his good hand out, smacking it against the wall beside her head, barely blinking when she flinched, “You are afraid of me, aren’t you?”

“Fuck you,” she bit out.

He saw red, slapping her hard in the face. 

“No, fuck you, Meredith!” He growled out as she clutched her cheek, “Fuck. You. I gave you everything! _Everything_! And you treated me like a fucking toy!” He shoved his finger into her chest roughly, “You think you’re some badass surgeon, but you’re not. You’re worthless. Even your parents never wanted you. Your mommy got to have a medical career until you came along and ruined her chances for more. And then your dad ran off and had a brand new starter family. You ruined both of their fucking lives, why am I not surprised you ruined mine too?” He saw the lone tear run down her face, but he didn’t care. Not anymore, “You’re going to end up all alone, you know that! You’re nothing but a pathetic whore!!” Meredith mumbled something under her breath, “What did you say?”

She looked up, tears burning, her eyes blazing in anger and defiance, “Fuck you, Derek! You don’t know me at all!”

He raised his hand again, “You’re a whore; there’s nothing else I need to know.”

* * *

Meredith braced herself for the next slap. Derek had an unhinged look in his eyes, his spittle being flung onto her face as he screamed at her, and all she kept doing was pouring fuel on the fire. But she couldn’t stop because a part of her believed everything he was saying.

Her mother had never wanted her, she knew that. _What have I told you about bothering me at work?!_

Her father was a drunk who hadn’t fought for her, had just let mother move them across the country. She still remembered his anger after Susan had died, the way he’d slapped her. _You are no daughter of mine!_

And now, Derek was saying everything she already thought, so why shouldn’t she believe it? She braced herself for the hit that never came.

One minute Derek had his hand raised, poised to strike, and the next he was being pushed back against the other side of the wall. And then there was Alex, standing in front of her, as Derek picked himself off the floor.

“Alex,” She breathed out.

“I could hear him out in the hall,” Alex explained, “Pretty sure they can hear him two floors up. Are you alright, Mere?”

She opened her mouth to answer, but Derek spoke up, “Stay out of this, Karev. It has nothing to do with you.”

“Shut up,” Alex growled out. He turned to face her, “Are you alright?” She nodded. He turned back to Derek, “Get the hell out of here, Shepherd. Now.”

* * *

Alex watched as Derek went up the stairs, back onto the 4th floor. He didn’t keep his eyes off of him until he heard the door shut. What an asshole. He’d heard Shepherd as he was walking by the stairwell on 3. And at first, unsure of what he’d heard, he was going to ignore it. But his curiosity got the better of him. And thank God it had. To see Derek about to strike Meredith, to hear him yelling at her, to see her with that look in her eye, like she was believing everything he was saying, it set him off. He took in the handprint on her cheek and wished he’d decked him.

“Come on,” he said as he led her down the steps, “You look like you’re about to drop.”

“Just need a few hours,” She muttered, “Surgery with Amelia at 2.”

He nodded and guided her to an on-call room. He made sure it was empty and then opened the door wider, “Go on. I’ll page Addison.”

“Alex, no, I’m fine,” She protested.

“You look like you’re about to cry, and if no one tells her, she’s gonna go all Satan on me.” Not to mention, she’ll want to go all Satan on Derek too.

Meredith sighed, “Fine.”

He offered her a gentle smile, “Besides, you wouldn’t want anyone else to see you cry, not even Cristina.”

* * *

Addison raced down the hallway, her heart pounding in her chest, Alex’s page running through her mind over and over. _911 Meredith_. She didn’t even think, dropping the chart she’d been reading as soon as the words registered. A million different possibilities raced through her head, and she tried to reason with herself. 

She caught sight of Alex waiting outside an on-call room on 3 and raced over. 

“What is it? What happened? Where’s Meredith?”

“She’s in there,” he gestured to the on-call room, “She’s okay. A bit shaken up.”

“What happened?”

Alex sighed, “I didn’t hear all of it, but he was screaming at her in the stairwell. I’m sure people heard him two floors down, just going off on her. And Meredith just stood there, letting him do it.”

“Who?” She asked but she had a sinking feeling just who it was. Alex looked away, “Tell me, Karev.”

“Derek,” Alex answered.

“I’ll kill him,” She hissed out.

“Woah there, Satan,” he placed a hand on her arm, “Meredith needs you first. She’s really shaken up. She didn’t want me to page you.”

“What?” She couldn’t help the wave of hurt that washed over her.

“It’s nothing personal; just a Mere thing. She doesn’t like to bother people with her problems.” Alex explained.

“I’ll lock the door.” She replied, “Will you make sure Hunt knows? And Webber and Bailey too?”

Alex nodded, “Will do.”

“Thanks,” She said and then she opened the door and stepped inside.

* * *

Meredith blinked as light filtered through the doorway. She hadn’t been asleep, not that she had been trying, but still, the light was disorienting.

“Mind if I lay next to you?” Addison’s voice came from the doorway.

She shook her head, “No, I don’t mind.”

The door was shut and locked within seconds, and she was beyond thankful. She was more thankful that Addison had sunk onto the bed beside her, wrapping her arms around her tightly. She didn’t say anything else for a few minutes, just let herself be held by her beautiful girlfriend. Without even saying anything, Addison calmed her.

She licked her lips, her voice dry as she began quietly, “He cornered me in the stairwell. Said I ruined my parent’s lives, called me a whore, slapped me,” She tried to keep her voice from cracking but was failing miserably, “He said I would end up alone. And I was so scared, Addie. I’ve never seen him like that.”

Addison tightened her hold, and she snuggled closer, “You are not a whore. You didn’t ruin your parent’s lives. You are not ending up alone. And I’m sorry he slapped you,” She felt the tears in her eyes as she nodded, “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay. Let it out.”

She couldn’t stop the floodgates after that. She clutched the front of Addison’s scrubs tightly as she cried. Addison never stopped holding her, never stopped whispering to her that she loved her. And as her tears stopped and she started to get sleepy, she tried to figure out why Addison had started to cry. 

“Surgery with Amelia at 2,” She muttered sleepily, “Have to be up, to scrub in.”

“Sleep,” Addison replied softly, as she stroked her hair, “I’ll make sure you’re up.”

And there was so much she wanted to say. So much. But the haze of sleep made everything so hard, and then she was out like a light.

* * *

Addison couldn’t stop the tears forming in her eyes as Meredith sobbed into her scrub shirt. She hated that Derek could do this to her, hated that Meredith would believe anything he said. But mostly, she hated that Derek had said anything at all. The man he was becoming scared her. As she took in the handprint on Meredith’s cheek, she couldn’t help feel guilty. 

_Never again_. She’d said. 

She couldn’t protect her from Derek, she knew that; she’d just hoped that he would leave her alone. He would never accept their relationship. He hated her more, she figured, so he should’ve been taking jabs at her, not Meredith. But still, he harassed Meredith every chance he could get. And that wasn’t okay. She didn’t deserve it. Not from Derek, not from anyone. As Meredith slowly fell asleep, still clutching tight to the front of her scrubs, she was thinking of a plan. 

He thought he was untouchable. She was going to make sure he knew he wasn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was such a fun chapter to write, and I’m uploading it on my birthday too. Not quite sure how many more chapters until this is done, but probably soon. Please review!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter deals with some of the repercussions of Derek’s actions, in a way. Probably going to get more into them in the next chapter.

Growing up, Meredith hated storms. There was just something about the flashes of lightning coupled with the roar of thunder that set her hiding under her sheets. Thatcher used to hold her when they happened, tell her different stories to take her mind off them. And then he and Ellis got divorced and she knew not to make a sound. She learned to hide her tears; her mother would never allow her to show she was afraid. And overtime, that had become her unofficial motto: Never show you’re afraid. And sometimes, it did more harm than good.

She had to be strong. Never show she was afraid. Even in the face of danger. The bomb threat came to mind, her hand on the bomb and thinking of Derek, knowing she could die. And then again, staring down the barrel of a gun, telling Gary Clark to shoot her. She didn’t care if she died, just as long as no one else she loved did. Why, when everyone else was suffering, did she have to act like everything was fine? 

“Meredith,” Addison’s voice was gentle, weaving its way through her haze of sleep.

She tried to ignore her, to keep focused on her dream. But whatever it was slipped slowly from her mind. She blinked sleepily as her surroundings came back in to focus. Addison was still holding her, rubbing her back, and she was still holding tight to her scrub top. Her eyes felt heavy, but she’d been crying so it made sense.

“Are you awake, Mere?” Addison asked.

“I’m awake,” she answered but didn’t bother to move from her arms. She was comfy.

“It’s about 1:30. You want to get something to eat before the surgery?”

She wanted to skip the surgery and bail on Amelia but knew she couldn’t. 

“Not hungry,” She answered softly.

“You want to talk more about what happened?”

She’d thought about it enough; Derek wasn’t the man she’d fallen for. And while a part of her still loved him, she knew he would never understand. She thought of his hand, his ability to operate in the hands of his mother, whether she would show up or not, and almost felt pity. 

She looked up at Addison, “No. I just want to kiss you. But I don’t want you to think it’s because of what happened. I always want to kiss you.”

Addison chuckled and moved a strand of hair from her eyes, “Good. I always want to kiss you too.”

“Good,” She echoed as she leaned up and kissed her.

And when Addison kissed her back, it was as if all the problems she had disappeared.

* * *

Addison shuddered as Meredith’s lips trailed along her neck, the blonde sitting on her lap. They were definitely cutting it close, as Meredith still had to meet with Amelia and discuss the procedure one last time. But they had an on-call room to themselves, and she couldn’t stop herself from giving in to Meredith. She brought their lips together in a kiss, delighting in the way Meredith moaned. And despite wanting to continue, she knew they couldn’t. 

“Surgery,” She muttered as she pulled back.

“Not yet,” Meredith answered.

She was so, so screwed. She gave her one last peck, and then another, “I don’t want you to be late.”

“I know,” Meredith muttered as she kissed her again.

“I’ll watch from the gallery,” She added when Meredith pouted as she started to sit up.

There was nothing she wanted more than to kiss that pout away. But time was their enemy. She smiled softly, “Come on, Dr. Grey. I’ve got something that’ll make you feel better.”

She allowed Meredith to fix her appearance, as much as she could in scrubs anyway, while she grabbed her white coat, feeling around for…

“Your scrub cap?” Meredith questioned as she grabbed it.

She handed the blue and white scrub cap to Meredith with a smile, “My favorite scrub cap,” She corrected, “Come on, I want to see you in it.”

Meredith smiled, and then put it on, “Well, how do I look?”

“Like you’re ready to go do a kickass surgery,” She kissed her one last time and unlocked the door to the on-call room, “Ready?”

Meredith nodded, “Ready.”

* * *

Amelia scrubbed out beside Meredith in relative silence. Everything had gone smoothly, the procedure went well, near-perfect actually, aside from the few hiccups. But as they were closing, he coded, and they’d lost the man on the table. And now they had to go tell the man’s wife that her husband was gone. 

“He had two kids,” Meredith said softly. 

She sighed, “I know.”

“He had two kids and now his wife is going to have to raise them alone.”

“Hey,” Meredith looked over at her, “We did everything we could.”

“I know,” Meredith echoed, “Sorry, I’m just out of it.”

She smiled sadly. Something had happened earlier today, she’d heard through the grapevine, but there were no real specifics, just that it involved Meredith and Derek. She wished Derek would talk to her, but he’d been shutting her out since the night they’d talked on the phone. And Meredith clammed up faster than she could ask what was wrong.

“I like your scrub cap. Is it new?” She questioned instead, even though she’d scrubbed in with Addison a few days ago and the redhead was wearing the exact same one.

Meredith blushed lightly, and God, it was nice to see the woman have some kind of life to her, “It’s um, it’s Addison’s. She let me borrow it.”

_Like she let you borrow her Yale hoodie_ , she wanted to say, but held her tongue. 

“Well I hope you let her take you out on a proper date before you drop your clothes for her,” She replied as they exited the OR.

Both Addison and Owen are there, in the midst of discussion, but Addison heard the tail end of her comment and sighed.

“Filter, Amelia.”

She smirked, “I don’t need a filter for Seattle, Addie. I just need to know you’re treating Meredith right.”

Addison opened her mouth to answer, but Owen interrupted, “Grey, when you get a moment, I need to see you in my office.”

“Go now, Mere,” She said, “I'll notify the family.”

“What? But,” Meredith started.

“It’s fine,” She offered Meredith a smile, “Besides, it seems important.” As Meredith followed Owen, looking completely confused, she turned to Addison, “Something happened between Derek and Meredith, didn’t it?”

Addison nodded, “Karev found them in the stairwell between three and four earlier today. He was just screaming at her, she said he slapped her, called her a whore.”

She furrowed her brow, “That doesn’t sound like the Derek we know at all.”

Addison smiled sadly, “No, it doesn’t. Owen wants to make sure Meredith is comfortable working with him.”

“And if she’s not?” Addison looked away, “Addison?”

“Restraining order, maybe even being suspended again. He could even be fired. I really don’t know.”

She didn’t know how to respond to that. Derek was her brother, and she loved him, but he was turning into the same kind of monster that had haunted her dreams as a kid. And that scared her more than anything.

* * *

“I understand there was an altercation between you and Dr. Shepherd this morning,” Owen said as he shut the door behind them.

“It was nothing,” She said immediately, even though a part of her was questioning why she was defending him, “Just a disagreement.”

“Two orderlies and three nurses on 4 say differently. Said they could hear him screaming at you.”

“I’m fine,” She insisted.

“Dr. Robbins’ room is a few doors down from the stairwell on 3, and she said that…”

“I’m _fine_ ,” She said again, “We had a disagreement. That’s all.”

“Meredith, I can’t help you if you don’t let me.”

It was better that she got yelled at by Derek than let him take his anger out on Addison. So what if Derek got a little handsy with her? So what if he screamed in her face? It wasn’t like she hadn’t had Thatcher do that in a drunken episode. It wasn’t like she hadn’t heard all the things he’d said before. 

“If that’s all you wanted to talk about,” She started.

“Meredith, he can be fired over this…”

Panicked, she looked up at him, “Fired? Are you out of your mind? He’s anxious about his hand, that’s all. I don’t care if he vents his frustration to me. But you can’t fire him.”

God, if he got fired, she shuddered to think of what he’d do then. 

“Meredith,” Owen sighed.

“Look, it’s fine. Okay?” She didn’t even wait for an answer, heading to the door, “I’ve got to go.”

The door shut behind her, and she leaned back against it briefly.

* * *

Derek caught sight of Meredith coming from Owen’s office and struggled to control the wave of anger that washed over him. If she’d actually gone to Owen over their little spat, he wouldn’t be happy. It was a quarrel, damn it. She didn’t have to go running for help every time he wanted to talk to her.

He started towards her when Richard’s voice called out to him.

“Derek, do you have a minute for a consult?”

He nodded and walked over. As he turned back to find Meredith, he found that Addison had joined her. He watched the blonde take off her scrub cap and try to hand it to Addison, but the neonatal surgeon refused it with a smile. He’d recognized the cap as Addison’s; she must have thought it was cute to let Meredith wear it, but all he saw was her staking claim on the blonde, mocking him. It screamed _See what I have_. He was too far away to read lips, but he could read their body language. He watched as Addison placed her hand on the small of Meredith’s back as they headed away from him, the way Meredith relaxed into the touch. That should be him, not her. Addison didn’t deserve to touch Meredith. He just needed to talk to Meredith, damn it. That was all.

* * *

Owen leaned back in his chair, sighing softly. He wished he could understand Meredith’s devotion to Derek. She protected him, over and over, no matter what happened. He screamed at her with several witnesses overhearing him and still, she defended him. He glanced out onto the bridge, watching as Meredith and Addison walked towards the door, Addison’s hand resting on Meredith’s back. If Derek had harassed Addison, the neonatal surgeon would’ve had no issues throwing Shepherd out on his ass. He doubted Meredith would’ve either. 

For some reason, he thought of the Gary Clark incident; more than that, the way Meredith had told the man to shoot her. 

_“You want justice, right? Your wife died, I know what happened. Derek told me the story. Lexie Grey is the one that pulled the plug on your wife, she's my sister. Dr. Webber, he was your wife's doctor. I'm the closest thing he has to a daughter, and the man on the table, I'm his wife. If you wanna hurt them, the way that you hurt, shoot me. I'm your eye for an eye.”_

She was a martyr. It clicked suddenly, a lightbulb switching on above his head.

“She’s a martyr,” he muttered softly. 

Of course, she wouldn’t care what happened to her. She was only worried about the people around her, never about herself. So, of course, as long as Derek was harassing her, she saw no issue with it. Because it was better it was her than any of the people she cared about. This wasn’t war; there was no reason for her to be a martyr. 

He went to the door, seeing Derek finishing up his consult with Webber.

“Shepherd,” he said, keeping his face impassive, “I need a word when you’re done there.”

“Sure,” Derek answered.

He thought he saw something flash in the other man’s eyes but ignored it. It was time someone set Derek Shepherd straight. He wasn’t going to tolerate anymore bullshit. Meredith deserved to feel safe without the threat of Shepherd and his ego.

* * *

Addison followed Meredith as she led them to one of the tables outside. For once, the sun was shining in Seattle. And even if it was a little chilly, they were eating lunch outside. Or so Meredith said as she directed them to an unoccupied table. 

“It was a tough surgery,” She said after sitting in silence, watching Meredith pick at her sandwich.

Meredith looked up at her, “Yeah.”

She smiled softly, “You need to eat.”

“Doctor’s orders?” Meredith asked with a soft smile.

“If that’ll help,” she answered, fixing Meredith with a look, “Doctor’s orders.” 

Meredith blushed slightly before taking a small bite of her sandwich, giving her a look as if to say _Is that better_. 

“Oh, see, they’re being all lovey-dovey,” Cristina’s voice broke her from her thoughts as she and Teddy came walking towards their table, “It’s gross.”

Teddy chuckled, “Dr. Montgomery, Dr. Grey. Mind if we sit with you?”

“Not at all. Just drop the formalities. It’s just Addison.” She replied.

Cristina immediately dropped into the seat beside Meredith, “So what did you get up to today? Because word through the grapevine is that McDreary was being a McAss.”

Meredith rolled her eyes, “It was nothing. Just typical Derek. And did you just call him McDreary?”

“That’s his new nickname,” Cristina said proudly, stealing a fry off of Meredith’s plate.

“Fitting,” She commented, sharing a look with Teddy.

“She’s been going through nicknames all day, since she heard about it,” Teddy explained, “I’m sure it’ll change within the hour.”

“This is sticking,” Cristina countered, “We’ll get Evil Spawn to start spreading it.”

“Did you hear that Mark is getting released today?”

Addison smiled at Meredith’s enthusiasm. 

“Ah,” Cristina replied, “And you’re okay with McSteamy living with you?”

“It’s fine,” She answered, “McSteamy _and_ Little Grey are model guests, I’m sure.”

“Exactly,” Meredith agreed.

Teddy smirked, “I’m glad I never got a ridiculous nickname.”

Cristina turned to look at her girlfriend with a smile, “What are you talking about G.I. Jane? You’ve got the best one.”

“Whatever you say, Crack Whore.” Meredith muttered, which caused her and Cristina to crack up.

She would spend every day for the rest of her life making sure that Meredith never lost that laugh. 

They finished eating, discussing more about Mark’s recovery and theorizing when Arizona would get a new leg. As they were packing up, she got a page. She glanced at it and let out a sigh. Meredith looked at her curiously.

“Consult?”

“It seems nothing wants to work in my favor today,” She confirmed with a nod. She kissed Meredith softly, “If I don’t see you before, I’ll see you tonight when I get Zola from daycare. 8:30?”

“Definitely.” Meredith answered as they parted, “I’ll text if I get pulled into a surgery.”

She gave her one last kiss because she could, “I love you.”

Meredith smiled, “I love you too.”

As she walked away, she heard Cristina speak up, “Man, Satan has it so bad for you, Medusa.”

She smirked. Yeah, yeah she did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I think I’m finally starting to see where I’m ending the story. I still think they’re going to be a couple more chapters to go. Not sure yet. Don’t forget to review!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I wanted to start this chapter by going into Arizona and April’s POVs. Arizona’s during Derek’s tirade to Meredith and April’s dealing with her thoughts in the end part of chapter 3.

Arizona had been trying to sleep. Her physical therapy for her new leg was so exhausting, and she just wanted to sleep. Even if it was only a few hours. Even if it was only 30 minutes. But just as she started to doze off, she heard Derek’s voice, loud and angry, muffled. Muffled? Yeah, definitely muffled.

She wasn’t sure where it was coming from at first. And then it hit her: the stairwell.

“I gave you everything! _Everything_! And you treated me like a fucking toy!”

She wasn’t even that close to it, a few doors down actually, but even muffled, she could hear his anger. She desperately wanted to go investigate. After all, it was a hospital. People were trying to rest, do life-saving surgeries. They shouldn’t have to listen to Derek screaming at someone in the stairwell. But she looked down at her stump helplessly. She couldn’t do anything. 

“You think you’re some badass surgeon, but you’re not. You’re worthless. Even your parents never wanted you.” 

Her heart broke. Not just someone. Meredith. He was screaming at Meredith like that. How could he even say that?

“Your mommy got to have a medical career until you came along and ruined her chances for more. And then your dad ran off and had a brand new starter family. You ruined both of their fucking lives, why am I not surprised you ruined mine too?”

She saw Alex making his way past the stairwell.

_Stop, go see. Alex please._ She pleaded silently. He wouldn’t hear her from her room. He stopped, looking at the door curiously. 

“You’re going to end up all alone, you know that! You’re nothing but a pathetic whore!!” 

Derek was spiraling. He was going to go over the deep end, and she knew that if Meredith was close enough, she’d go down with him. She watched as Alex bolted into the stairwell and breathed a sigh of relief. 

The minutes passed slowly, and she waited anxiously. Finally, she saw Alex leading Meredith out of the stairwell; from her bed, she could see the handprint on her cheek and cold fury ran through her body. What right did Derek Shepherd have to put his hands on anyone?

Alex and Meredith were talking quietly, and then Meredith was being all-but shoved, albeit gently, into an on-call room. Alex pulled out his pager. Less than 3 minutes later, she saw Addison. Well, more specifically, she saw a blur of red and blue fly past her hospital room. Alex and Addison exchanged words, Addison’s movements panicked, Alex’s reassuring. Addison looked like she was going to go find Derek herself, but she ultimately decided against it. Instead she was knocking on the on-call room door and entering the room quietly. 

Alex sighed softly, making his way towards her room. 

“Everything alright, Alex?” She asked when he leaned against the doorframe, looking in on her.

“Did you hear any of that?”

“What he said in the stairwell, yes,” She answered, “Anything else, no.”

“Can you give a statement if Owen asks what happened?”

“Of course.”

“Thanks.” He answered.

And then he was gone, presumably to tell Owen what he’d heard. She sighed. Derek was turning into something monstrous, and his temper was downright terrifying. And even if Meredith hadn’t gone about it the right way, getting away from him was probably for the best.

Callie had told her what Meredith had said, about kissing Addison after telling Derek she wanted a divorce; how she’d thrown the rings at him. How Meredith was still broken up about it. How Derek was still angry about it, even though they’d been legally divorced for all of 72 hours. Derek was a ticking time bomb, and she didn’t want to be anywhere near him when he exploded.

* * *

April sat beside Jackson watching Meredith and Addison as they ate. It wasn’t staring, not really. She was just trying to figure them out. She knew that Derek and Meredith had done a lot of fighting in the last few months, and the clinical trial had been the gossip of the hospital for weeks, but she never thought that they’d get divorced. They were the perfect couple; they got each other. And didn’t all couples fight? 

She didn’t think much of it, not at first. And then the rumor mill had started up. She usually didn’t listen to it, just mindless chatter that the nurses liked to stir up. And that was all it was, mindless chatter. That involved Drs. Shepherd, Grey and Montgomery. And that had made her listen. Because after Alex’s spat with the two in the Attendings lounge, where he’d accused them of sleeping together, all she could think to say was that Meredith and Derek were married. Because Meredith wasn’t the type to cheat, she wasn’t. But then Meredith was confirming that maybe there was something between her and the new OB-GYN, and she felt conflicted. While she didn’t condone the cheating, Addison was good for Meredith. Addison had stood there impassively, staring at Alex like she wanted to bite his head off, but it was Meredith who had shouted at him.

“ _I can understand Derek being angry at us. I can understand him getting drunk at Joe’s and telling you all about how I’m an adulterous whore and how Addie has corrupted me and oh woe is Derek! You don’t have a right to judge me or Addison or any other person in this damn hospital for our faults!”_

And she was right. She didn’t know the whole story. It wasn’t her place to judge. It was God’s place to judge.

The rumor mill had started up again not long after Meredith’s speech to Alex, but this time, it was only about the two women, how something had happened in Mark Sloan’s room, and now the two were attached at the hip. And it seemed, for the last week and a half, that was all the rumor mill wanted to discuss. How Addison and Meredith had been secret lovers for months and Derek was the real victim. Maybe that was why she’d snapped at the two nurses last week. For one, there was no way that was true. And secondly, because it didn’t matter what was going on now between Meredith and Addison; this was a hospital, they were respectable doctors, people needed to do their jobs. 

So, Meredith had filed for divorce and Derek had been suspended over something she still wasn’t sure about; it was old news by now. But the rumor mill would run with anything. And when she watched Addison run across the surgical floor, in heels no less, just to pull Meredith into a hug and start rambling about not answering her phone, she knew that the rumor mill would be buzzing. And when Meredith had pulled Addison into that kiss, the one that made everyone who were trying not to look at the two women, herself included, stare openly, she knew the rumor mill would have an absolute field day.

And it wasn’t until Bailey’s voice had rung out that she snapped back to what she was doing. But not before seeing the adoration and devotion in both of the Attendings’ eyes. 

Everything slowly started to slow down, and the rumor mill had come to a near-screeching halt. And she was so thankful for that. People could finally just do their jobs. Until today.

She’d been down in the pit all morning, directing traffic and making sure patients were getting seen quickly and efficiently. It was a good morning, a steady morning. And then she got a page to the nurse’s station on the third floor sometime around noon. And had heard the nurses talking. About Derek and Meredith. She tried to tune them out. It didn’t matter what they said, she told herself. It was just talk.

“He sounded livid,” One nurse was saying, and she was a horrible person for eavesdropping. 

“I heard that they could hear him up on four. Called her a whole bunch of names,” The other nurse, Sam, answered.

“Well, I heard that she told him she was pregnant.” She rolled her eyes at that one. 

“And that’s why Dr. Montgomery’s been in the on-call room with her since I paged her, right?” It was Alex that spoke up, coming up beside her to glare at the nurses, “You need to do your damn jobs and quit acting like Shepherd’s a saint in this.”

The two nurses fell silent, and he turned to her, “I didn’t want to page you to Arizona’s room, but you’ve got to help Callie talk some sense into her. Now she wants to refuse the new leg,” They headed towards Arizona’s room, but Alex stopped outside an on-call room, trying to listen. She looked at him curiously as he nodded to himself and kept walking.

“What uh…”

He smiled at her, “The nurses were telling the truth.”

“Meredith is pregnant?” She asked in a frantic whisper.

“No, she’s not pregnant,” Alex rolled his eyes, “Shepherd cornered her on the stairwell. Slapped her, called her names. I should’ve,” He stopped, “Anyway, Addison’s calming her down in that on-call room.”

“And you had to listen to her calming her down?” She asked, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

“It’s not code,” Alex replied defensively, “She’s actually helping her, Kepner. It’s nice that Mere has someone else to lean on, someone who gets what Derek is like.” She looked back at the on-call room. Yeah, it was nice.

After talking with Arizona, reassuring her that the new leg would be fine and she’d be able to still do everything she used to, she’d headed back to the pit.

And until about 10 minutes ago, when she’d finally allowed Jackson to drag her from the pit for a late lunch, she’d forgotten about the rumor mill and the Meredith, Addison, Derek drama.

Now, now she was staring at the two Attendings intently. Meredith looked better, refreshed, and Addison was gazing at her with so much love in her eyes it took her breath away. She’d seen that look so many times. Mark and Lexie looked at each other like that. Callie and Arizona looked at each other like that. And she knew that she and Jackson shared the same look. Addison was so in love with Meredith, she probably didn’t even realize she was even looking at her like that. But then Meredith looked up at her and smiled. She smiled the same smile that she’d used to send Derek’s way. _Oh_.

“Can you stop staring at them,” Jackson said, and she’d forgotten that he was even there.

“Oh!” She blinked, turning to look at him, “Sorry, I just…”

He smiled at her, wrapping his arm around her as he took a bite of his sandwich, “Yeah, I know. They’re sickly sweet and in love, and that makes you want to cry.”

“It does,” She replied.

Because it didn’t matter how they’d begun. Even though she didn’t know all the details, she knew enough. She knew that Derek had been hurt enough to lash out. But, no matter how hurt he was, it didn’t excuse his behavior. She knew that Meredith would never want to hurt him, not intentionally; and even though she’d only known Addison for a short time, she knew that she didn’t want to hurt him either. Addison and Meredith were in love, and there was no force on Earth that would separate them.

* * *

Derek watched Addison walk away, a spring in her step, and turned back to watch Meredith head the other direction with Teddy and Cristina. This was really just one big game, wasn’t it? The universe was wanting to spite him just for the hell of it, that had to be it. All he needed to do was talk to Meredith. That was all. If he told her everything, laid everything out on the table, he knew she’d understand. 

Owen’s words still rung in his ears from the disciplinary talk he’d had with the man earlier.

_“You don’t ever learn, do you?”_

_He sat facing the man, trying to keep his anger in check, “Look if this is about something Meredith said…”_

_“No, this is about something you’ve said,” Owen had interrupted. “Loudly, I might add. Over two dozen people heard you screaming at Dr. Grey in that stairwell.” He was fairly sure the man was exaggerating._

_“It was nothing.”_

_“Did you not learn your lesson the last time?”_

_“Oh, the last time? You mean when I found out Meredith was cheating on me?”_

_“For God’s sake, Derek, let it go!” Owen had yelled, “If you had assaulted anyone else in this hospital, you would already be out of a job! But for some reason, Meredith would be crushed if that happened, so this is your last warning. If you ever touch her again without her permission or scream or yell or anything other than being completely professional with her, I’ll have you out on your ass before you can say craniotomy.”_

He wasn’t worried about his job. He could work anywhere in the country. And as soon as his mother got here, he could get his surgery done and get his hand back. First his hand, and then he would get Meredith back.

* * *

In the weeks that followed, things around the hospital slowly returned to normal. It took a bit longer, but Arizona was finally able to return to work. She missed wearing her Heelys, missed wearing heels, but she didn’t trust her new leg. She took her time learning to get the feel of walking again and allowed Callie to massage her stump after long days. She was getting better at not resenting her wife, especially after Alex told her that while Callie had made the call on her leg, he’d been the one to make the cut that had saved her life. She had been cleared for surgery but saw Dr. Fincher weekly. She had considered Dr. Wyatt, but the woman had her hands full with Meredith, Cristina and Derek. Though, it was nice that she went to Dr. Fincher because Mark was also seeing her for his therapy; and sometimes, she and Mark had a group therapy session, and Callie brought Sofia, and they watched their little girl play while they talked.

Mark had been cleared for surgery just a few days after she was, something that he still hadn’t let her forget. He and Lexie had moved out of Meredith and Addison’s house a few days ago, and she wasn’t sure who was happier, Mark or Addison. 

The two weeks since the stairwell incident had passed like a blur. Derek had actually stayed away from Meredith aside from a general consult every now and then. Generally it was Amelia or Lexie who got her for a consult. Derek and Meredith began to trade Zola off every weekend, and with Caroline Shepherd coming to Seattle for the surgery to repair Derek’s hand, everyone was on edge, especially Meredith.

* * *

Caroline Shepherd took in the atmosphere of Seattle Grace Mercy West’s cafeteria. It seemed that even in the working world, people had their clicks. She spotted Derek and Amelia at a table, talking amongst themselves and was reminded of parent days at school, where she got to join them for lunch. 

“You both are hard to track down,” She said as she sat down at the table with them.

“Mom!”

“You were supposed to call when you got here,” Derek chided softly, “Are you hungry? I can buy you something.”

“No, no,” She waved them off, “I’m fine.”

They chatted for a while, Amelia going over a surgery she had planned for later, and while she understood nearly none of it, she loved seeing the passion in her children’s eyes. Derek, however, wasn’t focused on the conversation, instead staring off in the distance. She followed his gaze and found out why.

Meredith was sitting at the table not far from them, laughing at something Mark was saying. As she watched, Addison had come up behind her, wrapping her arms around the blonde and kissing her lips as Meredith leaned back to look up at her. The redhead sat beside the two, stealing a few fries off of Meredith’s plate. 

Amelia’s pager went off and she saw Mark check his as well. He was rising from the table as Amelia apologized.

“It’s alright, Amelia,” She pressed a kiss to her daughter’s cheek, “Go save lives.”

She watched as Amelia caught up with Mark and then they were disappearing around the corner. She heard Derek make a disgruntled noise and saw that he’d focused back on Meredith and Addison, if he’d ever actually stopped. She wasn’t sure he knew Amelia had left. This was like it was during his visit to see her. She’d wanted him to talk to her, but all he did was talk at her, explaining about Meredith and getting suspended and how it had _all been Addison’s fault_. 

“Are you going to take time off of work to heal your hand, Derek?” 

“Yeah, sure,” he answered her absentmindedly.

“Derek Christopher Shepherd, you look at your mother when you answer her.”

His eyes snapped to her in an instant, and she saw the same little boy who’d got caught with his hand in the cookie jar when he was 5, “Yes, Mom. I’ll take some time off to make sure my hand heals properly.”

And then he went back to watching Meredith and Addison. She sighed softly. Honestly, her boy was so stubborn sometimes. _And stupid_ , she thought ideally. How could he be so blind to the love the two women had for each other? She understood the hurt Derek was feeling, and she supported him, but he had to move on from ever getting Meredith back. She hadn’t liked Addison very much, but that may have been due to her mother. When the two matriarchs had met, Bizzy Forbes Montgomery had the nerve to tell her that Derek didn’t deserve her Addison. She’d bristled at the comment and had disliked Addison on principle. She’d liked Meredith when she’d first met her, but she couldn’t help but wonder how she would’ve felt had she met the famed Ellis Grey first. 

She watched as Addison and Meredith made their way towards the exit, their hands clasped together tightly, and she stood. Derek blinked up at her.

“What are you doing?”

She smiled at him, “I’ll be right back.”

And she followed the two women out of the cafeteria. When she was sure that Derek could no longer see them, she called out to them.

“Addison, Meredith, hold on a minute.”

And it was quite comical to see two Attendings freeze in their places and then turn to face her, their eyes wide. She was sure she’d seen Amelia with the same expression before.

“Caroline!” Addison’s voice was higher than normal, giving away her unease, “What a lovely surprise.”

“I just wanted to tell you that I was sorry to hear about your mother’s passing, Addison. She was a lovely woman.” She wasn’t, but Addison didn’t need to know she’d hated her mother.

Addison smiled tightly, “Thank you. She was fond of you as well.” Ah, so they were lying to each other, it seemed.

She turned her attention on Meredith, who looked like she wanted to be anywhere but there, “Thank you for making sure Derek got my ring back, Meredith. My husband, God bless him, was a lovely man, and I cherish the ring greatly.”

Meredith gulped, “No, uh, no problem, Mrs. Shepherd. I heard Callie is going to be doing your surgery for Derek’s hand.”

“Yes, the day after tomorrow,” She looked between the two of them, noticing that at some point they’d stopped holding hands, “Are you two happy together?”

The two looked nervous, like answering her would offend her somehow.

“Yes,” Addison answered.

Meredith nodded, “Of course we are.”

She reached forward and grabbed their hands gently, “Then show it. I’m not angry that the two of you are together. You make a beautiful couple.” She nodded to herself as they clasped hands again, “I’d better get back to my son before he sends a search party. I expect to see you both in my recovery room at some point, understood?”

“Absolutely,” the two echoed, and she smiled.

“Good. Go on, save lives.”

She watched them walk off together. They reminded her of herself and her husband. So in love and so afraid to show it for the fear of it getting ripped from them.

* * *

It was a week after the surgery that Derek was able to come back. He still wasn’t that sure of himself and his ability to hold a scalpel again, which is why he didn’t care when Owen told him that Amelia and Lexie were staying on as Co-Heads of Neuro for the time being. In fact, it didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. That meant he didn’t have to sit in on board meetings and could focus more on his surgeries. That meant he had a greater chance of running into Meredith too. It took him a few days of practice in the skills lab before he was sure he could do his first surgery.

He was almost relieved when the board conveyed for a meeting during his first surgery. It meant that there wasn’t that added pressure of his peers watching him; normally, he didn’t care. Normally, he welcomed the attention. But for this first surgery, he didn’t want a lot of people in the gallery. He wanted to just focus on the surgery, on the patient in laying in front of him.

“Okay people,” He began as he stepped up behind the patient, flashing a smile behind his mask, “It’s a beautiful day to save lives.”

* * *

Meredith watched as Derek lowered his mask, the monitors flatlined. The surgery had actually gone well, his hand had healed perfectly; the only reason she had watched from the gallery was because Callie was in the board meeting with the other department heads, and she’d been asked. And so, she’d watched. She saw every movement, heard everything. And it went flawlessly, Derek’s technique was perfect. But he’d still lost the patient. It was inevitable. The bleeder was too quick. 

She watched as Derek made his way from the OR room and quickly left the gallery. She knew he would be blaming himself, maybe even his hand, and she didn’t want that to happen. He needed to be reassured. She wished she had Cristina or even Alex with her, just to make the conversation less awkward, but they were both in surgery. She sighed to herself. She would extend the olive branch; just because they weren’t married anymore, didn’t mean she stopped caring about him. And, yes, she’d been keeping things professional between them, and they were civil for Zola, but she wasn’t going to cut him out of her life. She couldn’t. Even if they were no longer together.

And so she waited until he’d scrubbed out, until he’d notified the family. She waited by the elevator for him, but he’d simply walked past her, like he didn’t even see her. And it was an upgrade from his angry glares, she had to admit. And maybe it should’ve been a clue that she should leave him alone. But, she was stubborn. 

“Dr. Shepherd,” She called out as she followed him down the hall. He ignored her, just kept walking. “Dr. Shepherd.” Again, nothing. And she was starting to get annoyed. She was just trying to be nice, damn it. She rounded the corner after him, “Derek, for fuck’s sake, can you just stop!”

She wasn’t expecting him to round on her, his eyes blazing in anger. She froze, not expecting the cold look in his eyes. She hadn’t seen it in over three weeks, not since he’d cornered her in the stairwell.

“What do you want?” He hissed out.

“I, I uh…” Her mind went blank. The hatred in his eyes terrified her. She wanted to run, wanted to turn and flee. Why did she think this was a good idea? “I just wanted to say sorry about your patient.” And that was it. That was all. She’d said what she wanted. She started to walk away, when she heard him speak.

“That’s what you wanted to tell me?” His voice was low, and she felt the shiver go down her spine. 

“Derek,” She began, turning to face him again, “Let’s not do this again.”

She tried not to think of the quiet corridor, how no one knew where she was. And Derek looked like he was going to a meltdown or something.

“Again?” he questioned.

“The yelling, Derek, Jesus. I can’t do this right now.” And then she turned to walk away. She definitely wasn’t doing this right now. He grabbed her arm, and she jerked away, “Derek, I swear to God…” But whenever else she was going to say was forgotten as the next thing she saw was Derek’s fist coming straight at her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yay a cliffhanger! Please review!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A much awaited update has arrived! Some physical violence in this chapter, just so you’re aware. Enjoy!

Addison wasn’t paying that much attention to the board meeting, if she was being honest. She was thinking of how happy she’d been in these last few weeks. Once Derek had stopped harassing Meredith every chance he got, Meredith had begun to relax more. She and the General Attending were taking things slow; despite living together and sharing a bed, they hadn’t done more than heavy make-out sessions on the couch and bed. She wanted to make sure that Meredith was ready. Despite her reputation as the hospital slut, as one nurse had named her, Meredith wasn’t one to sleep around. Sure, there was the inappropriate relationship with Derek, but that was over and done with. And Meredith had confessed that she’d never been with a woman, so she really wanted to take her time. It wasn’t like they needed sex; their attraction to each other went beyond sexual desires. But, at the same time, she wanted to make love to the blonde, to show her that she loved her.

Owen was saying something again, but she’d lost interest. Don’t get her wrong, board meetings weren’t all bad. Getting a chance to talk with the heads of the departments like this was a good thing. She actually wished Meredith was here. General had no true department head, so Richard was sitting in, being the senior most member. She supposed that was a good thing. If Meredith had been here, she’d probably be staring at her the entire time.

The sudden buzz of pagers going off pulled her from her thoughts. Callie, Mark and Amelia looked at their pagers before getting their feet.

“Trauma,” Mark explained to Owen, but she thought she saw something in his eyes.

It was only a few seconds later that Owen’s pager went off. He looked at it, standing quickly, almost too quickly, “We’ll have to pick this up later. Richard, a word.”

She watched as Richard joined Owen in the hall while Callie, Mark and Amelia shot down the hallway. Super weird. She looked around the table at Lexie, Teddy and Arizona, frowning softly.

“Anyone else have a weird feeling?” Lexie asked.

She saw Owen and Richard look through the window into the room, almost like they were looking at her, “Yeah, Little Grey,” She agreed, “I have a really weird feeling.”

She pulled out her phone to text Meredith,  _ Meeting is out early. Lunch? _

* * *

Derek found a sick kind of satisfaction as he watched Meredith’s head snap to the side, as she stumbled back from the force of the hit. She let out a pained gasp, and he grabbed her arm again, dragging her to a nearby on-call room. Deserted hallway or not, anyone could walk by. 

“I lose my first patient after over a month of not being able to hold a scalpel, and all you can say is sorry?” He barked out as he tossed her into the room, locking the door behind them.

In a daze, Meredith stared up at him, clutching her cheek, “Derek, what the f…”

“Shut up,” he took a step from the door, and she took a step back, “I bet you just loved seeing me fall, didn’t you?”

“No, I…”

“Shut. Up.” He hissed out, “God, your voice is so fucking annoying.”

“Derek…”

He lunged at her then, pushing her back against the wall as he wrapped his hands around her throat, “Would you just fucking listen for once!” She clawed at his hands as he squeezed her throat, and the terror in her eyes made this all the sweeter, “I can’t believe that I ever wanted you.” She kicked her feet out, landing some hits on his legs in an attempt to get him to release her, but he ignored the pain. He bashed her head against the concrete wall behind her, over and over, the more she struggled, still keeping a tight grip on her throat. God, he just wanted her to shut up. He couldn’t look at her. Just when she was about to lose consciousness, he released his grip. She coughed and sputtered, gulping mouthfuls of air. 

He waited, waited for some kind of defiant look, for her to open her mouth again.

Instead, disoriented, she tried to shove past him. He grabbed her arm and jerked her back to him. And then he hit her, his fist against the other side of her face.

“Come on, isn’t this fun?” He asked.

She didn’t answer; she stumbled back, but she couldn’t go far. He dragged her to him again, digging his knee into her stomach. She clenched her teeth tightly, but he could see the tears in her eyes. That wouldn’t work; he wanted her to scream.

All of his failures he could blame on Meredith. Getting blacklisted by the FDA, Meredith’s fault. If she hadn’t tampered with the trial, things would be different. The severity of his hand injury, Meredith’s fault; she’d asked to swap him seats on the plane, and if she hadn’t, he would be the one going around like nothing had happened. Getting suspended was definitely on Meredith too. Had she not been such a cheating whore, he wouldn’t have lost his temper.

For each infraction he thought of, he kept hitting her. Over and over just because he could. At some point, he switched his attention to her body. Her face was a beautiful mess, but he could have even more fun. Because she deserved it. He saw her legs start to buckle, but still, even with her face starting to bruise, her eyes still had that defiant glint. And he wanted it gone. He hit her again.

He was sure he heard something crack as she finally fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. Breathing hard, he stared down at her. 

“How could I have ever thought I loved you?” He asked her, as he kicked her in the stomach. She didn’t make a sound, “You were the worst mistake I’ve ever made.” He chuckled softly to himself, “This was such a great talk, Meredith. Maybe I’ll go find Addison next. See if we can have an even better one.”

Meredith grabbed his pant leg as he started to walk away. She struggled to her knees, and he looked at her, indifferent, “God, you’re so pathetic.” He stepped on her back, pushing her back down.

She stared up at him, though he knew she could hardly see him, spitting out blood every other word, “If you even think about touching Addison, Derek, I’ll fucking kill you.”

“Oh? You will?” He asked patronizingly as he kicked her in the face to make her release her grip, “There’s nothing you can do to stop me, Meredith.” He kicked her in the back and once more in the ribs, just to watch her cry out, staring down at her, and smiled cruelly, “I’ll make sure Addison knows how hard you tried to stop me.” And then he brought his foot down hard.

He heard the satisfying crunch as he heard her nose break. He stared down at her, waiting for her to say something, but she’d been knocked out from the pain.

_ Thank God _ .

He unlocked the door and continued on his way, letting it swing shut behind him.

* * *

Cristina had a bad feeling. She’d finished her surgery and had notified the family of the success, explained which recovery room the patient would be in, and reassured the family that she would be paged when the patient woke up. It was all very routine. 

She had her residents watching over any changes the patient may have and she took the time to go over any questions. They were all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. 

Still, something felt off. Her surgery was a success, so that couldn’t be it. There was a board meeting going on, so the hallways were devoid of the Department Heads, so maybe that was it? No, no that wasn’t it, she decided. So what was it?

She saw McDreary walking away from one of the rarely used on-call rooms, his expression unreadable. She felt a chill slide down her spine and shuddered. So weird. What the hell was he even doing back there? 

The hallway was quickie central, where all the interns liked to have a sex. And she doubted that he was back there with an intern. After all, they weren’t set to arrive for another few weeks. In fact, even if he knew about quickie central, he wasn’t getting any. He would be a lot less of a McAss if he was.

Still, there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind to go see. Honestly, it was ridiculous. He was probably just coming from the other side of the hallway. It wasn’t  _ just  _ quickie central. But still, just to be sure. She’d always thought of the nagging feeling as being her father, trying to be there to guide her. It wasn’t rational, but it was her way of keeping him with her.

She looked down the hallway, finding nothing out of the ordinary. Just as she went to turn away, one of the on-call room doors creaked just slightly. As she got closer, her feeling of unease grew stronger. She pushed open the door carefully, and she felt her blood run cold as she glimpsed inside.

* * *

Bailey was in the middle of chewing out a resident about charts when her pager buzzed. 

She stopped mid-tirade, glancing down at the device, ready to chew whoever was paging her out.

_ 911 Meredith Grey, 2nd floor  _

It was like she was thrust back in time, back to when Meredith had nearly died in the bay. Before, it had taken her a few seconds to snap out of it, to compartmentalize the situation, to focus on saving her life. Now, it was instantaneous.

She didn’t even spare the poor resident a backwards glance, forgetting whatever she was yelling at him about as she bolted from the room in an instant.

_ Lord, could this girl stop being in the middle of everything _ ?

* * *

Alex had just scrubbed out of his surgery when his pager went off. 

“Can you go update the family?” He asked his resident absentmindedly as he pulled the device from his belt.

“Sure.” He glanced at the device, “Anything…” the resident began but whatever else she was going to say was lost as he bolted from the room.

* * *

_ 911 Meredith Grey, 2nd floor _

Mark read the page quickly, already standing, along with Callie and Amelia.

“Trauma,” he explained, trying not to look at Addison, to keep his eyes on Owen.

Owen’s pager went off then, and he saw the color start to drain from his face as he stood, “We’ll have to pick this up later. Richard, a word.”

He exchanged a look with Callie and Amelia and then they were racing down the hallways.

_ Meredith, please be alright _ .

* * *

“What’s going on?” Richard asked as he met Owen in the hallway.

It didn’t make sense for General and Cardio not to be paged in a trauma, so something else had to be wrong.

“It’s Meredith,” Owen began.

“What?” He breathed out.

“Cristina just paged 911 on the second floor. I’m going down there now.”

He glanced in at Addison and from the corner of his eye saw Owen do the same, “What do you need me to do?”

“Don’t let Addison or Lexie panic. We’ve got this under control. I’ll page when I know more.”

And then he was gone, racing down the hallway to follow the others.

He sighed softly before re-entering the room. 

“Well, how about I treat you ladies to some lunch? No one has any surgeries scheduled, do they?”

He saw Addison glance at her phone, “I was trying to see if Meredith wanted to get an early lunch, but she hasn’t replied.”

“Ah,” he said, “Maybe she had an emergency surgery?”

“She usually texts when she does,” Addison replied absentmindedly, and then she looked up at him, “What did Owen want?”

Sometimes, he almost forgot that Addison wasn’t his resident anymore; she’d come so far, was so perceptive. And, yet, he still wanted to protect her. And he wanted to lie, wanted to just take her and the other three women to lunch. He knew if either she or Lexie knew, they would want to go help. Hell, the entire hospital was practically Meredith Grey’s family, but the two people who absolutely couldn’t do anything were Addison and Lexie. But they needed to know. Meredith would want them with her.

He sighed softly. Addison picked up on his tone immediately, “Richard?”

“You two need to stay calm.”

Lexie looked at him quizzically, “Stay calm?”

“It’s Meredith.”

Addison’s eyes darkened, “What are you talking about?”

“The trauma,” he started to explain.

“You mean the one the others just went to?” Lexie asked.

He nodded, and Addison was already on her feet, “What floor?”

“Addie,” he began.

“What. Floor.”

“Don’t use your Satan voice on me,” He answered.

“Let us go see what’s going on,” Teddy spoke up, and Arizona nodded, “You and Lexie stay with Richard, and we’ll keep you updated.”

Addison looked between the two women. He knew she would rather be down there herself, but her presence would only cause a problem. Lexie nodded immediately, but Addison wasn’t sure. He knew that feeling all too well. Finally, she nodded.

Arizona squeezed her shoulder gently, “We’ll be right back.”

* * *

Alex found Cristina in the on-call room, checking for a pulse. She had Meredith on her back, and he felt his blood run cold.

“What the hell happened in here?” He asked, looking around the room quickly. Blood was in a concentrated spot on the wall and also pooling around Meredith. Cristina was shaking, he realized, and he gently leaned forward to steady her hand.

“I just found her in here,” Cristina said, “Pulse is thready, but I have one.”

He watched as two nurses came into the room with a gurney, followed quickly by Bailey.

“What in God’s name is going on?” The shorter woman asked, “Yang, what happened?”

Cristina shook her head, and he and the two nurses carefully loaded the still-unconscious woman onto the gurney. As they moved out of the room towards an exam room, he heard Cristina start to explain.

“I just saw Derek come from this way and got a bad feeling.”

Could Shepherd have actually done this? No, he’d learned his lesson. If he wanted to keep his job, he was to stay the hell away from Meredith. And he had been. 

_ “You’re a whore,” Derek had said, his voice spitting with venom, “There’s nothing else I need to know.” _

Three weeks ago, if this had happened, he would accuse Shepherd in an instant. Now, now he wasn’t sure.

* * *

“Oh my God,” Amelia breathed out as she, Callie and Mark entered the exam room. Miranda had an ultrasound machine, saying something about free fluid in the abdomen. “What the hell happened?” 

“We’ll figure that out later,” Miranda said, “She’s still unconscious, people, so let’s work quickly.”

Callie moved first, tying her hair up and pulling on gloves, “Her right wrist is definitely broken. Nose too,” She gently palpated her ribs, and even unconscious, Meredith flinched, “fractured ribs 2 and 3 on the right side, 3 and 4 on the left. I can set her nose now.”

“She uh,” she took a breath, trying to calm herself, “possible concussion.” Her eyes were swollen shut, her face having taken most of the beating. She swallowed, and then pulled on a pair of gloves, “Karev, can you hold her head steady? I don’t want her to jerk too much.”

He nodded, and she gently lifted her eyelid, shining her penlight, “Pupil reaction is good.” She did the same with the other eye, “And this one too. Nothing is blown.”

Mark still hadn’t moved from the doorway.

“Dr. Sloan,” he snapped up at Miranda’s voice, “She has a head lac, so if you’d please see to that.”

“Right.” He answered and stepped forward, “Sorry, I just…”

“I know,” Miranda’s voice was quiet.

The steady beat of the machines was the only sound for a full five minutes.

* * *

Teddy stared into the room, watching her colleagues work quickly. It was hard to believe the woman on the table was Meredith. She looked so small.

“She hasn’t regained consciousness yet,” Cristina’s voice broke her out of her thoughts, and she turned to face her girlfriend. The front of Cristina’s shirt was smeared with blood, and her eyes went wide, “It’s not mine. It’s Meredith’s.” Cristina’s voice was low, almost robotic.

“Come sit,” she requested gently, taking her hands and leading her to one of the nearby chairs, “Tell me what happened.”

* * *

Meredith didn’t know what was going on. Her thoughts were all jumbled. She felt like she’d been hit by a train. Her head was killing her and her hand was killing her, and she was pretty sure if she tried to move, her body would be killing her too. The light filtering through her eyelids was beyond bright. 

_ “Come on, isn’t this fun?”  _ Ah, now she remembered. Derek had beaten the hell outta her. He’d never been so angry before, not enough to hit her. Still, as long as it wasn’t Addison, it was okay. 

_ “This was such a great talk, Meredith. Maybe I’ll go find Addison next. See if we can have an even better one.”  _ Panic seized her, and she worked to force the fog from her mind. She remembered reaching out towards him, grasping his pant leg with her broken hand, ignoring the pain because there was no way she was going to allow him to hurt Addison. There was no way in Hell.

“Meredith, Meredith, it’s alright,” She heard Callie’s voice, “You’re alright.”

_ Forget me _ , she wanted to yell,  _ Find Addison _ . But she couldn’t speak; her throat still hurt from Derek’s attempt to choke her out. 

“Breathe, Mere,” She heard Alex say gently, “You need to breathe and calm down.” No, she couldn’t calm down. She needed to warn Addison. She was starting to get frustrated. Why wasn’t anyone listening to her, damn it? 

_ “I’ll make sure Addison knows how hard you tried to stop me.” _

Derek had gone completely insane, and Addison was in danger, God damn it!  _ Find Derek before he hurts her!  _ She wanted to yell and scream. She needed...she needed Addison to be safe. Damn it, why the hell was she getting sleepy? 

“Meredith Grey, I swear,” Bailey’s voice was hazy, and she recognized the symptoms of morphine, “listen when people are trying to help you.”

_ No, no, I need… Addison... _

She couldn’t do anything except succumb to the call of sleep.

* * *

“Addison, where’s the fire?” Derek questioned as Addison impatiently tapped her foot, hitting the elevator’s down button.

She was standing with Lexie and Richard, and he inwardly scowled. There was no way he could get her alone right now. His adrenaline was still pumping. He may have taken his anger out on Meredith, but he was still angry at Addison too. Everything was spiraling out of his control, but if he went down, he would take her with him. 

“It’s Meredith,” Lexie offered when Addison ignored him, “She was attacked.”

“Is she alright?” he asked, trying to put enough worry into his voice.

“She will be,” Richard answered, “We’re on our way to see her now.”

The door opened, and Addison stepped in immediately. She was ignoring him, and it was pissing him off. He stepped in after her, and she glared at him. 

“Woah, Satan, what’s with that look?” he attempted to joke.

“I’m not in the mood,” She replied, and he felt his anger start to rise. Lexie and Richard stepped into the elevator after him, and Addison hit the button for the second floor, glaring at Richard, “My girlfriend is fighting for her life, and you didn’t want to tell me.”

He tried not to bristle at the term of endearment. Meredith had been his  _ wife  _ before Addison had sunk her adulterous claws into her.

Richard sighed, “I know.”

“Wanted to take me to lunch,” she muttered to herself.

The elevator began to slow, and Addison was moving before the doors fully opened.

* * *

Addison stared into the room, watching Callie setting Meredith’s wrist. Meredith had been moved into the hospital room a few feet away, hooked up to IVs. She desperately wanted to go in, but she knew she couldn’t. Other than Callie, Alex and Bailey were in the room still, with Owen. Owen saw her watching and made his way from the room.

“She woke up, but Bailey sedated her,” He explained.

“Do we know what happened?” she questioned, still not taking her eyes off of Meredith.

He shook his head, “No. Cristina found her in an on-call room.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mark getting up from one of the chairs, making his way over to Lexie, saw Lexie fall into his open arms.

“An on-call room?” she replied, “What was she doing in there?” There was no way she was napping. She didn’t have any surgeries scheduled. She thought Callie had asked her to watch Derek’s surgery.

“I don’t know,” Owen answered, “I have tech support getting the camera feed. Maybe there was something in the hallway.” 

Luckily for the doctors in the hospital, there were no cameras in the on-call rooms, what with all the sex. Except in this case, she really wished there was.

She felt Derek watching from the nurse’s station, looking in on Meredith from the distance. She was glad he was here. He was trying to accept that they were together; he was getting his life back together. He’d even had his first surgery today. He was being supportive.

* * *

“I could’ve done more,” Owen looked over at Derek, a sickening feeling settling in his stomach as he spoke calmly, watching Meredith through the glass, “I should’ve done more, you know?”

“Derek?” Lexie’s voice was a shocked whisper.

“I lost my patient, and all she said to me was that she was sorry,” he began, shaking his head with a laugh, “Can you even believe that? My first patient after a month and she says sorry. I was so angry. So I hit her. And then I just couldn’t stop.” He said it all so casually, like he’d just described the weather.

* * *

Addison froze, looking back at Derek, her eyes wide. 

“You…” she began in a quiet whisper, as what he’d just confessed started to register.

He smirked at her, his eyes shining with a malice that she'd never seen before, “You can’t tell me you’ve never wanted her to just shut the hell up sometimes, Addie. After you’ve had a rough day or lost a patient. We all have. I just did what everyone’s been wanting to do.”

The room went silent, everyone staring at the man with the same horrified expression, the same thought in their heads:  _ Derek Shepherd has completely lost it _ .

“What did you just say?” She questioned.

“She wouldn’t have been beaten that bad had she not wanted to protect you. I was going to walk away. But then she threatened to kill me, all because I made a little comment about finding you. So, I had to teach her a lesson.”

“Dr. Shepherd,” Owen began, taking a step towards him.

But she beat him to it. She beat them all to it. In three quick strides, she’d crossed the room and slammed her fist into his face. The sound of his nose breaking reverberated throughout the room, as Derek went stumbling backwards, clutching his face.

“You fucking bastard!” She screamed, “What the fuck is wrong with you!” She was aware of Mark’s arms around her waist, pulling her back, lifting her off the ground as she struggled to break free, “Let me go, Mark! Let me fucking go!” 

Derek sneered at her through the pain, “Was that the best you could do? Meredith had more fight in her than that, and she never said a word.”

She was going to fucking kill Derek Shepherd. She was going to kill him and bury him where no one would bother to look. She tried to lunge at him again, but Mark kept his hold.

“No, no,” Mark tightened his grip, “Addison, stop.”

“My office, now.” Owen said to Derek as two security guards came running up.

The two guards escorted Derek; she watched them go, watched Owen follow. Mark carefully set her down; the moment her feet touched the floor, she swayed, her adrenaline ebbing away slowly.

“Let’s sit down,” he muttered, carefully guiding her to the waiting area, still in full view of Meredith’s hospital room.

He sat her down next to Cristina and Teddy; Lexie, Arizona and Callie joined them. Everything was quiet, as they all tried to take in what had just happened, what Derek had just admitted. She stared at the room where Meredith still slept, on morphine, blissfully unaware that their ex-husband had just confessed to what she considered attempted murder.

“Nothing is broken,” Callie said softly as she wrapped her hand in gauze, “but it may still bruise.”

“Nice shot, Satan,” Cristina praised her.

She didn’t have the energy to smile. Lexie gripped her free hand tightly, and she squeezed back just as tight. 

“She’ll be okay,” Mark reassured them, “Meredith is a fighter.”

She barely acknowledged him. She didn’t have the energy to deal with anything, not right now. She looked up when Alex and Bailey came out of the room.

“Grey, Montgomery,” Bailey said, motioning with her head, “Get in there. Be quiet and let her sleep. Page me when she wakes up.”

“Thank you, Dr. Bailey,” She heard Lexie say, but she’d already entered the room. She felt all her adrenaline slip from her body as she sat in the chair by Meredith’s left side. She took in the painful bruises and broken bones. 

Derek’s voice reverberated in her head.

_ She wouldn’t have been beaten that bad had she not wanted to protect you. So, I had to teach her a lesson _ .

She kept her hand tight in Meredith’s. She knew it wasn’t her fault. Derek had done it because Meredith was there, because he was angry at losing his patient. He would’ve done it to anyone who had been close when he snapped. She wasn’t sure how long they sat there before Lexie spoke, her voice soft.

“She’s going to be okay.”

“Damn right,” She answered, “And Derek is never going to work in this hospital ever again.”

“He’s packing up right now, actually,” Owen’s voice made her look up. He stood in the doorway, “Tech support got the camera feed. That and his confession were more than enough.”

“Good,” Lexie started.

She acknowledged him with a nod. She stared down at Meredith’s sleeping body, sighing softly.  _ He’ll never hurt you again.  _ And this time she was 100% sure of that thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Was that an update or was that an update? I’m thinking one more chapter. We’ll see.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, so I know I said this was going to be the last chapter, but I didn’t like the transition between the last scene and the one that I made into the start of Chapter 12, so there’s going to be at least one more chapter. Enjoy this one!!

Three hours ago, she’d been sitting in a board meeting, thinking of how happy she’d been, daydreaming about making love to Meredith, and now, Addison was sitting beside her hospital bed, attempting to pray. She didn’t know how to pray. Her family were WASPs; they only went to church on Christmas, so she never learned how to pray. Aside from when Archer was sick, she’d never really tried before, and hadn’t again after he’d gotten better, if she were honest with herself. When Callie had prayed next to her, she’d talked to God out loud. She wasn’t sure she could do that. But as she sat by Meredith’s bedside, she silently begged whatever higher being there was for some kind of sign. She wasn’t sure what she was even wanting a sign for, if she were honest. That Meredith would wake up? That things could return to a semi-normal state? She didn’t know, really. All she really knew was that she felt so lost. And it was worse than when she had sat by Meredith’s bed after her near drowning. At least then she’d been awake, she knew she’d be okay. 

She wanted Meredith to wake up, so she could see for herself that she was going to be okay. She’d read and re-read the chart and then read it a third time, making sure she was understanding everything. She still wasn’t sure what had happened in the room. Owen had shown her the security footage of the hallway, and he’d made the decision for Meredith to press charges. It had happened in his hospital, so he had the right to do so. Whatever else had transpired in the room was a mystery to all but Derek and Meredith, but judging by Meredith’s injuries and Derek’s lack thereof, it wasn’t a hard case to crack.

“How is she?”

She looked up at April’s voice to find the Trauma surgeon standing in the doorway. 

“She’s still asleep,” she answered, “She uh, hasn’t woken up since earlier. Bailey said to page her when she did.”

“Do you need anything?”

 _Besides Meredith to wake up?_ She wanted to ask, but held her tongue. She was feeling a bit sore from sitting in the same spot for nearly 3 hours, and she was sure she needed to eat something, but she refused to leave Meredith’s side. Alex and Arizona had taken any incoming cases, and unless there was an emergency they couldn’t handle, she wouldn’t be paged.

Lexie had gotten pulled away into a surgery, and for a while, Amelia had sat with her. In fact, the door probably saw more doctors come in and out of it than it had in the past two weeks.

“I don’t know how to pray,” She said finally.

April tilted her head to the side, “How to pray?”

“My family are WASPs.”

April smiled softly and entered the room, sitting in the chair on Meredith’s other side.

“Praying doesn’t have to be any big or grand gesture. You don’t even have to close your eyes if you don’t want to. You just talk, out loud or in your head.” She closed her eyes then, bowed her head and clasped her hands, “Dear God, please let Meredith wake up soon. Addison is going to really nuts here. So if you could just give us a sign, anything at all, we would really appreciate it. Amen.”

She waited until April opened her eyes before speaking, almost skeptically, “It's that easy?”

April smiled, “It’s that easy.” April’s pager went off, and she smiled apologetically as she stood, “She’ll wake up when she’s ready, Addison.” And then she was out the door.

She watched her go and then turned her attention back on Meredith. Was it really that easy? She wasn’t convinced, but it didn’t hurt anything to try. She looked around, and then up at the ceiling. That was where God was, right? She wasn’t sure.

“God?” _I have no clout with God. He doesn’t even know who I am_. “I know I’m bad at this. And I know I’m Satan and all, but I really need Meredith. I need her in my life. I know I’m screwed up and that I don’t deserve her, but I need Meredith, and I need her to wake up so I can tell her that I love her. Okay? I mean, uh, amen.”

* * *

Meredith didn’t want to open her eyes. The morphine was making her feel a little loopy, but even with it, she was aching. She felt a hand in hers and looked over carefully. Addison sat beside her, her right hand holding her left tightly, like she was afraid she’d disappear if she let go. She wasn’t looking at her, rather, she was looking up at the ceiling. She blinked slowly, trying to clear the fog in her head. 

“God? I know I’m bad at this. And I know I’m Satan and all, but I really need Meredith. I need her in my life. I know I’m screwed up and that I don’t deserve her, but I need Meredith, and I need her to wake up so I can tell her that I love her. Okay? I mean, uh, amen.”

She felt the blush blooming along her cheeks. Addison was praying, and though she didn’t quite believe in the whole prayer thing, she was touched that Addison was doing it. She cleared most of the fog in her head, tried to gather her thoughts. How could Addison think she didn’t deserve her? How could she believe she was screwed up?

“Addie?” She questioned softly.

She watched as Addison blinked and then looked at her. She smiled in spite of the pain. God, she never looked more beautiful.

“Meredith?” Addison looked almost confused for a second, as if she was surprised she was even awake, and then she sat up in the chair, “Oh my God, Meredith!” She fumbled for her pager, and she saw that her left hand was wrapped in gauze; a pang of fear shot through her. Addison sent off a quick page and then turned her attention back to her, carefully stroking her hair.

“What happened to your hand?” Talking hurt, if she was honest, but she needed to know.

Her last conscious thought had been of Addison, of trying to get her colleagues to do something about Derek, and now, Addison’s hand was bandaged.

* * *

Addison shushed Meredith gently, relief still flowing through her, “I’m fine. Callie said it may bruise, but I didn’t break anything.”

“What happened?” Meredith couldn’t quite stop from flinching in pain, and she noticed.

“Derek confessed,” _I should’ve done more, ya know_ ? _I was so angry. So I hit her. And then I just couldn’t stop_ , “He confessed to everything. And I lost my temper.” There was still a part of her that was embarrassed by that, even if she didn’t regret it, “I punched him, broke his nose,” She took in Meredith’s heavily bruised face. She knew they would fade, that her broken bones would heal, and yet, “He hurt you, Meredith, and I wanted to kill him.”

“Where is he now?”

She wanted to lie to her, she did, but she couldn’t, she wouldn’t, “He’s in police custody. Owen pressed charges on your behalf.”

And she waited for Meredith to argue, to come to Derek’s defense. Because that’s the kind of person Meredith was. She was a martyr, she would put the blame all on herself. She was waiting for Meredith’s excuses, how she’d brought it on herself. So maybe she was a little shocked when all Meredith did was reach her good hand out and cup her cheek.

“You’re not angry?” She questioned.

Meredith shook her head and then flinched at the action. She was about to answer when Miranda came into the room, followed by Owen.

* * *

“Meredith Grey, I swear to all that is Holy,” Bailey began, not looking up from her chart, “You are going to be the death of me yet.” She looked over the chart then, just as Meredith was pulling her hand back, “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got the shit beaten out of me by my jealous ex-husband.”

She took in Addison’s stricken look and fixed the blonde with a glare, “Let’s try that without all the dramatics, Medusa.”

“It hurts to talk and move,” She pretended not to notice when Addison took Meredith’s hand between hers.

“I’ll adjust your pain meds,” At least Meredith wasn’t calling her pretty like the last time she was on morphine. She looked at Addison, “You need food, Addison.”

“I’m not…” She glared at the redhead — _honestly why were Attendings so stubborn?_ — which shut the woman up. Addison pressed a kiss to Meredith’s uninjured hand, “I’ll be right back, alright?”

“Alright,” Meredith replied with a smile.

As she followed Addison out of the room, she spoke softly, so only Addison could hear, “I know you’d rather be in there with her, but Owen needs her statement, and I don’t think you want to hear it.”

Addison sighed softly, “No, I don’t, but I should hear it anyway.”

She saw Owen sitting in the chair Addison had just vacated, opening his tablet. She knew what would happen next. The Seattle PD would be contacted through the device and Meredith’s statement would be taken via video conference, with Owen in a supportive role for Meredith. It wasn’t as ideal as an immediate statement, but given Meredith’s injuries, it was the best they could do. 

She ran her hand supportively against the sleeve of Addison’s white coat as they made their way to the cafeteria, “He won’t get away with this.”

Addison nodded, “I know.”

“She didn’t mean to be so flippant,” She added, and Addison looked at her, confused, “Meredith, what she said about how she was feeling. She says and does things that seem normal to her because they are.”

Addison smiled, “I know. She’s all dark and twisty.”

“Yes, she is.” She agreed, “Now, let’s get some food in you before you pass out.”

“I’m not going to pass out,” Addison answered, but she doubted the woman knew how shaky she was. Adrenaline and fear could only do so much; she knew that from experience.

* * *

Owen tried to keep his face impassive as he listened to Meredith recount the events in the on-call room. It made him sick to his stomach, listening as she explained in detail what Derek had done.

He’d had an ortho resident set the disgraced surgeon’s nose in his office, not allowing the resident to stick around, not giving Derek the opportunity to explain. Derek had used his white coat to wipe up the blood.

“Derek tried to choke me out, at first. Bashed my head against the wall the more I struggled.” Meredith explained.

Derek’s explanation came back to him as he thought back to the blood on the wall in the now-sealed off on-call room.

_“I just needed her to shut up. She wasn’t helping. My patient was still dead. And she kept talking.”_

He couldn’t help but feel guilty. He had the opportunity to fire Derek after he verbally assaulted Meredith in the stairwell but hadn’t. He’d recognized the signs of Derek’s downward spiral but had allowed Meredith’s martyrdom to sway him. 

“He said he was going to go after Addison,” Meredith was saying when he focused back on her testimony, “And I reached out for him, for his pant leg. I had to stop him.”

 _“She actually tried to stop me.”_ Derek’s words in his office came back to him, _“The bitch grabbed my pant leg. I should’ve kicked her teeth in for touching me with her filthy hands.”_

He’d debated putting Derek in the psych ward for a few days, but ultimately, he decided on calling for the arrest. Besides, the man was charming; who's to say he wouldn’t have been able to charm his way out of the trip to the psych ward? Trained psychologists or not, they could still be fooled.

“I thought he was going to kill me,” Meredith confessed, “But I still,” She stopped and he saw the tears in her eyes then, the one lone drop that slid down her bruised cheek, “I just kept thinking that if I could at least delay him, maybe I could keep him from getting to Addie. And as long as Addie was in her meeting, he wouldn’t try anything.”

_“She’s pathetic, you know? She wants to be this badass surgeon, but all she worried about was Addison. A whore trying to protect a whore. It’s ironic. She laid there and took it.”_

Meredith shuddered, “I shouldn’t have put myself in the situation. I knew he was frustrated.”

“That’s not your fault,” One of the detectives finally said, the voice coming in clear over the tablet, “It doesn’t give him the right to hurt you.”

Meredith nodded.

“He started kicking me again. Told me he’d tell,” For the first time since she’d started talking, Meredith’s voice wavered, “that he’d tell Addison how hard I tried to stop him. The next thing I remember is waking up with my coworkers trying to help me.”

_“It was so freeing,” Derek had explained, and he was disgusted by the delight in his eyes, “Just taking out my frustration on her. So what if I wanted to do the same to Addison? They both deserved it and more.”_

He was glad his office had audio and video feed, that security was able to get a copy to the police quickly. He shuddered to think what Derek would’ve done to Addison had he been given the opportunity. Though with the way she’d hit him when he confessed to attacking Meredith, he put the odds on the neonatal surgeon.

“Thank you for your time, Dr. Grey,” the other detective said, “We’ll contact Dr. Hunt if we need any more information.” Meredith nodded.

A few minutes later, he ended the conference call. 

“Let me adjust your morphine for you,” he said as he got up.

“No,” Meredith objected as she carefully laid back down, “It’s fine.”

“You’ve been flinching non-stop for the last 30 minutes.”

“I’m fine,” She answered and then flinched again. Why was she being so stubborn? There was a knock at the door, and Meredith fixed him with a glare, “Come in.”

When Addison and Bailey re-entered the room, he sighed softly. Finally, people who could talk some sense into Meredith. Addison immediately went to her bedside, and he watched as both women relaxed.

“All good in here?” Bailey asked.

“I’ve got it from here,” Addison said before he could even open his mouth.

Bailey nodded, “You heard the lady.” 

He followed her, not quite convinced. As he shut the door behind them, he spoke, “She wouldn’t let me adjust her morphine, Bailey. She’s still in a lot of pain.”

“And she will be,” Came the shorter woman’s immediate reply, “but Addison will take care of it.”

* * *

“Addie?”

“Hm?”

They’d been sitting in relative silence since Bailey and Owen had left, and it had been driving her nuts.

“Can you hold me?” Meredith’s voice was so small, and it broke her heart even more.

“Scoot over,” she requested.

She had to position herself in a way that wouldn’t aggravate Meredith’s ribs. She slid off her shoes and moved onto the bed, adjusting her position slightly. Meredith immediately sought her out, her fingers clinging to the front of her shirt, burying her face into her neck. She gingerly wrapped her arms around the blonde and sighed softly, Meredith echoing the sound.

“It was horrible, Addie,” Meredith’s breath was warm against her neck, “He just kept hitting me, and I couldn’t do anything. I tried to fight him, but he was so strong.”

“You’re safe now,” She reassured her, gently stroking her hair, “He’s never going to touch you again.”

“He was going to come after you next. He told me. And I couldn’t,” Meredith took a shuddering breath, fighting back tears, “I couldn’t lose you.”

“I’m right here,” She answered, “I’m right here. You haven’t lost me. Shh, it’s alright, Mere.”

“Can you hit the morphine button please?” 

She smiled softly, reaching her hand out to hit it once, “They should’ve put it on your left side.”

“Mhmm,” Meredith muttered as she attempted to scoot closer. She held her slightly tighter as a compromise, “I love you, Addison.”

She smiled, “I love you too, Meredith.”

She found herself slowly drifting off to sleep as Meredith’s soft snores filled the room.

* * *

“They’re cute,” Alex said as he and Cristina watched the pair sleep through the window.

“Cute, please,” Cristina rolled her eyes, but he saw her smile, “Since when does Meredith cuddle?”

“Why are you guys just standing outside?” Lexie questioned as she made her way over to them.

“Because Satan and Medusa are sleeping,” Cristina explained.

Lexie looked confused, “I’m sorry, what?”

“Nicknames,” Alex answered as Lexie looked through the window, “Keep up, Little Grey.”

“I need a picture,” the younger Grey squealed quietly, pulling out her phone.

“Why are you three standing around for?” The three jumped at Bailey’s voice and quickly scuttled off before she’d even made it to the door. The woman rolled her eyes and then looked through the window. Addison held Meredith carefully, mindful of her ribs, and Meredith had her body pressed as close to Addison as possible, her good hand clutching tight to the front of Addison’s shirt. She laughed softly, “Satan and Medusa. A couple of teddy bears is more like it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I’ll be getting into the trial next chapter. Please review!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, this isn’t quite the end yet. I have more fics to work on, but my mind isn’t letting one go just yet. Enjoy this chapter!

It’s two weeks later before Meredith was allowed to return to work. Two, long,  _ long _ grueling weeks. Meredith wasn’t sure which she hated more: not working or having recurring nightmares. Honestly, she probably hated the nightmares more. Because when everything was starting to return to normal, her dreams were plagued by them. She thought that she was over them, thought that the therapy had helped, but no, of course they had to come back. She tried everything she could to keep them at bay, but now, she found that Addison had woken her up from them more than once a night. And that made her feel guilty because waking Addison wasn’t something she’d wanted to do, seeing as the redhead still went to work during those two weeks. As much as it had annoyed her at first, she knew that it was better that Addison was working; besides, it wasn’t Addison’s fault that she was on moderate bed rest while her ribs healed.

She watched as her bruises faded more and more each day. She relished in Addison being able to hold her more securely at night. Even with the nightmares, she always fell back asleep feeling safe.

She stayed home with Zola and Milo for the first couple of days. But if there was one thing about a one-year old she had forgotten about; it was the endless amount of energy. It wasn’t until after the second day that she was feeling the full effects of chasing the little girl. Or, more accurately, Addison came home around lunch time to check on them and found her trying to gingerly pick herself off the floor from where Zola had fallen asleep in front of the TV. As it turned out, trying to entertain a one-year old while healing fractured ribs and a broken wrist was hard.

“How about I take her to daycare?” Addison had questioned as she gently helped her onto the couch, “You need to rest. And Milo is a good cuddler.”

“Not as good as you,” She’d replied, to which Addison had smiled.

And so, she and Addison came to the mutual decision: Addison would take Zola to daycare before work and Meredith would stay home and rest. And if that involved cuddling on the couch with Milo, so be it. As long as she wasn’t overexerting herself, it was fine. And if Alex came over on his days off to help with laundry, that was alright; and if Mark came over to help paint over the tumor on the wall that Derek had drawn a few years back, that was okay too. Lexie and Cristina took turns bringing her lunch, giving her updates on their cases, sometimes just sitting with her on the couch while her mother’s surgical tapes played in the background; sometimes Teddy came with Cristina, to get her insight  _ unofficially  _ on a couple cases. Hell, even April and Jackson had made trips to see her, bringing her a few new medical journals. 

Callie and Arizona came over a week before she was set to be back, bringing wine and Chinese take-out. The food and company were great, but Callie checking in on how her fractures and wrist were healing was even better.

Now, she sat on the couch with Milo on her lap and watched her mother’s surgical tapes, trying not to think of the impending trial. As much as she hated to admit it, she was nervous.  _ What could he possibly say to defend himself? What would his lawyer say?  _ It was set to begin on her day back to work, and that put a damper on her mood and a wrench in any plans she may have had.  _ How long would it last? How much would she have to go?  _ She messed with the wrist brace Callie was insisting she wear, getting lost in her thoughts.

_ “This was such a great talk, Meredith. Maybe I’ll go find Addison next. See if we can have an even better one.” _

_ Icy fear had gripped her tightly, and despite her body aching, she had reached out towards him, grabbing onto his pant leg _ .

At the time, she’d honestly thought he’d broken her hand, just to spite her; she was relieved that it had only been her wrist. Yeah, it wasn’t ideal either, but she knew that it would heal much faster than any damage to her hand. Still, maybe there was something wrong with her after all, to think one injury was better than the other. Neither injury would’ve been ideal, but it wasn’t like she had any say in the matter.

She supposed all the time off was a good thing; she’d finally come to terms with everything that had happened in the last month. Her marriage to him had been over for months, long before she and Addison had shared their first kiss. And despite her initial guilt over her stairwell kiss with the redhead, she’d worked out that despite being legally married to him at the time of the kiss, she hadn’t  _ exactly _ cheated on him. Yes, they were still married, but she’d already tossed the rings. Technically, they were separated, albeit all of close to 5 minutes before the aforementioned kissing took place.

_ “I want a divorce!”  _ It felt like she’d said that ages ago. She felt like she’d aged 10 years in that time.

She felt like she had fallen even more in love with Addison if that were even possible. She didn’t understand how Addison could be so patient with her, but she was; even after her nightmares, when she was clinging to her shirt, a crying mess, Addison held her, reassured her. Even when she had to be up in less than 4 hours and had only gotten home after midnight, Addison didn’t care. She didn’t understand how she ever deserved someone as loving as Addison.

She could still remember the first time the nightmares had come back. It was the first night after she’d been released from the hospital. Addison had carried a sleeping Zola into the house while she’d waited in the car, and then she’d come back to help her out. The pain meds were making her sleepy, and Addison had carefully helped her with her nightclothes, mindful of her ribs. The sadness and anger that swirled in Addison’s eyes as she took in the bruising on her body still haunted her. She didn’t remember much after getting into nightclothes because she was out before her head even touched the pillow.

Even when her heart was pounding wildly in her chest, even with the remnants of the nightmare playing on repeat in her head. Even when she could still see Addison’s lifeless body and hear Zola crying. When Derek was screaming at her that it was what she deserved, and there was so much blood dripping from the scalpel as it hung loosely at his side. And she felt hopeless and useless. She. Couldn’t. Breathe.

“Shh, wake up, Sweetie,” Addison’s voice had cut through the nightmare, and she’d clung to her voice, “I’m right here.” Addison reassured her over and over, would keep doing it until she had fallen asleep. But still, she clutched the front of the redhead’s nightgown, feeling so stupid for getting so worked up over a nightmare, “You’re alright, Mere. Let it out.”

Every night she had a nightmare, without fail, Addison would repeat those words. She felt safe with Addison, happy. She wasn’t sure the last time she’d actually felt that. She just knew she never wanted it to end.

* * *

The interns arrived not long into her unofficial vacation began, and that meant that Addison was able to pass off the labs and post-ops to them so she could get home at a decent hour. According to Addison, they had been buzzing around the hospital in wonder, and it reminded her of her intern year, the eagerness, the excitement. She couldn’t wait to be back, to teach the new interns. But according to Cristina and Lexie, what a few of the interns were more interested in than surgeries was Satan’s love life. Apparently, her random texts to Addison throughout the day had her girlfriend smiling whenever she read them; according to Cristina, it was throwing the interns for a loop seeing the no-nonsense neonatal Attending smile.

* * *

The new group of interns enjoyed speculating about what made Satan so happy at the end of her shift. No one really knew who started calling Dr. Montgomery  _ Satan _ first, just that they heard Dr. Yang mention it to the redhead in passing, and it had stuck. And it wasn’t just the end of her shift that put Satan in a good mood. There were also text messages that she got randomly throughout the day that never failed to make her smile. She was strict but fair when she was teaching, making sure that they knew what neonatal was about, how important the specialty was, so she couldn’t be all bad. Right?

“Look, I’m just saying,” Jo Wilson tried to get her thoughts across to her friends as they sat eating an early lunch, “Satan can’t be all bad. There has to be a reason she’s getting all these texts. I mean, who are they from?”

Stephanie Edwards and Heather Brooks sighed at their friend’s comment. She’d been on this since they’d begun a week and a half ago. Why the brunette couldn’t just let it go was beyond them.

“Maybe it’s the mysterious Meredith everyone keeps talking about,” Leah Murphy chimed in with a smirk, “Drs. Yang and Grey keep talking about her. And I heard Drs. Torres and Robbins mention something to Satan about her earlier. Maybe she works here?”

“There’s no way Satan is gay,” Shane Ross’ voice is quiet as he leaned into table, mindful that while they were in the back of the cafeteria, people walked by all the time, “Besides, we’ve met all the Attendings, haven’t we?”

But had they really? Even at the intern mixer, Dr. Montgomery had left early. So early, in fact, that they hadn’t really gotten to introduce themselves. She’d seemed standoffish and distant, though she interacted with the other Attendings. 

“No one said she was gay, Shane,” Jo replied.

And that was the end of the conversation.

At least it was until they saw that Drs. Karev and Sloan were waiting near the hospital entrance a couple hours later. They figured they were waiting for Chief Hunt. He’d had a court case he had to go to today. 

“I wonder who sued him?” Murphy asked.

But when Chief Hunt walked through the door a little while later, followed by Satan and the mysterious blonde woman they all assumed was Meredith, Drs. Sloan and Karev made their way to the women, ignoring the Chief.

“She looks white as a sheet,” Jo commented, “Let’s get closer. Maybe it’s a case.”

And never mind it made no sense for the Chief to bring a case from the courtroom; and the fact that the woman was with Satan and not him. But she made her way down anyway, not caring if the others followed.

* * *

Meredith took a breath, grabbing Addison’s hand as she made her way into Seattle Grace Mercy West. She’d been so eager to get back to work. When Dr. Wyatt had come over a few times in the last week to do a few therapy sessions, she’d expressed that desire to return to work, to get back to normal. But in her most recent session, she’d expressed her worry over the trial.

“What if he gets away with it?” She’d asked Dr. Wyatt, and never mind that the odds of that happening were slim-to-none. But it had been in the back of her mind, hiding as the root of her nightmares.

“Do you think he will?” Dr. Wyatt had replied.

She’d shrugged, “Yes, no, I don’t know. He could say it was a mental break, the stress of losing his patient, he could get away with it.”

“Do you really believe that?”

She’d sighed and looked over at the woman, who was watching her intently, “With how my life has gone, I don’t not believe it.” Milo jumped into her lap, purring contently and begging to be pet, “I just want this to all be over.”

Dr. Wyatt nodded in sympathy, “It will be, Meredith. You just have to have a little bit of faith.”

She wasn’t even sure if she believed in faith, but for the sake of her daughter, for the sake of her future with Addison, for the life she would live, she would believe in anything.

With the case against Derek today, she wished she could’ve come back to work tomorrow. She was nervous and hadn’t slept well, even with Addison holding her. And she didn’t know how long court would last for the day, how taxing it would be on her. It was still early, and she was scheduled for a simple appy at 3, and it was fine, it was good. Actually, not a simple appy. The intern appy. Why they’d chosen her to do the intern appy after the day she would have she didn’t know, but when Owen offered to give it to someone else, she’d refused. 

Addison’s hand was tight in hers, her face an impossible-to-read mask by anyone who she didn’t want to see her true thoughts. Though, she knew exactly what she was thinking. Because she had the same thoughts running through her head.

“How’d it go?” Alex’s voice washed over her.

She felt like she was going to throw up. Maybe she should’ve listened to Addison and gotten something to eat before the trial had started. But she’d been nervous, and now she was even more nervous.

“Come sit,” Addison’s voice was soft, and she nodded, letting her girlfriend guide her towards the chairs.

Mark and Alex joined them. Owen watched from the nurses’ station. He, like Addison, had gone to be a character witness; other statements had been given to the prosecution in writing. The other evidence had been Meredith’s statement and Derek’s confession from Owen’s office. They’d gone, expecting at least a two-week trial. But they weren’t expecting…

“Well?” Mark asked.

“He took a deal,” she said softly, refusing to make eye contact.

“A deal?” Mark’s voice held the same confusion she had felt.

“The prosecutor didn’t say anything until just before court began,” Addison answered, “We didn’t even know.”

“So, what was the deal?” Alex asked, and she felt like a lead ball had settled in her stomach.

“5 years,” She answered, the words feeling like bile in her mouth.

“5 years?” Alex repeated, anger and frustration bleeding into his voice as he continued, “5 years for what he did to you?”

She shook her head, “He had to plead guilty to the assault. 5 years, no contact with me or Zola or Addie, and when he gets out, he’ll have to refile for his medical license. Under the stipulation that he doesn’t work in Washington state anymore.”

“That’s not good enough,” Mark replied.

“No, it’s not,” Addison spoke up, and she sighed softly, “But it’s the deal the prosecution offered him, so this wouldn’t go to trial.”

The two men looked at them in shock, and she couldn’t blame them. She was shocked too. After everything, it didn’t feel like justice. It felt like sweeping everything under the rug, hiding the fact that a world-known neurosurgeon had gone off the deep end. The judge had wanted 10 years. His lawyer had wanted probation. Even if she hadn’t liked the idea, she felt like it was a good compromise. Eventually, he’d be allowed around Zola. Maybe. She still wasn’t sure, even if he was her father.

“If it makes you feel any better, he thought it was a stupid deal too,” She explained with a soft smile, though she didn’t feel like laughing, “Or so he told me in open court. Where he also wanted the court to know that I was an adulterous whore who ruined his life.”

Addison smiled softly, “The judge almost nullified the deal because of it. But his lawyer argued against it.”

“He won’t be up for parole until,” she began before she was interrupted.

“Is everything okay over here?” 

She looked up at the five over-eager interns that had walked up to them.  _ God, there’s no way we were like that. The eagerness had to have been a phase _ .

“Who’s asking?” She questioned.

“Oh, uh, I’m…”

Addison jumped in, nodding to each in turn, “You’ve got Murphy, Ross, Wilson, Edwards and Brooks. One of them gets to scrub in on your appy with you today, Dr. Grey.”

“Is that so?” She looked between the five of them, a glare fixated on her face.

She thought she heard one of them ask, “There’s  _ another  _ Dr. Grey?” but she’d ignored the comment.

“When people are having a private conversation, you make yourselves scarce, do you understand me?” As the interns scrambled to speak, she continued angrily, “I’m not even officially on the clock yet, damn it! No one paged you! Stop hanging around like surgery-hungry vultures! Get out of here before I send you all back to med school!”

She watched with satisfaction as they practically tripped over themselves to flee. 

“Good going, Medusa,” Mark grinned, “You probably just scarred them for life.”

“Good,” she replied.

“Did that make you feel better?” Addison questioned, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.

“It did, just a little,” She sighed.

“So, as you were saying,” Alex pushed, “Parole, McDreary.”

She nodded, “He’ll be eligible for parole in 3 years.”

And it didn’t feel like a lot of time. She’d watched him being led away by the bailiff, and he never looked at her once. Not at Owen, not at Addison. She wished that he could’ve just let them get divorced, let them move on with their lives, but he’d chosen to do everything wrong, from the verbal assault in the stairwell to the physical assault in the on-call room. And she felt sorry for him, sorry that he’d chosen to throw away 3 years of his life because he was hell bent on ruining hers.

* * *

Jo came out of the surgery with Medusa, feeling close to tears. No, strike that. She was definitely crying. This was supposed to be a great surgery! Her solo surgery. Instead, she felt humiliated. God, Medusa was so strict, probably stricter than Satan, maybe even downright mean. She saw Chief Hunt rounding the corner and just had to know. 

“Chief,” she said, getting his attention, “About the appy…”

He cut her off, “That surgery was designed for you to fail. The intern appy, it sets you as the example. Okay? Don't let it get to you.”

“Why is she so mean?”

“She's just trying to teach you,” He explained.

“No, why is she so mean?” She replied, “The others and I met her earlier and she was just so mean to us. Is it because of that plane crash?”

“What?” 

“I heard she was in a plane crash with some other doctors,” She explained, “They were stranded in the woods for, like, a week. People died or almost died or something.”

“Yeah, yeah, people died or almost died or...something,” He sighed and took a breath, “Dr. Grey isn't mean. She’s strong. And she's not gonna go easy on you because she knows that that would be a disservice to you. You’re a surgeon. It’s your job to fix things other people can't. Now, if you can't handle that, leave now. If not, don't stand around in hallways and cry. Cry somewhere else, where I won't see.”

She wiped her tears on the back of her hand and nodded, “Yes, Sir.”

He smiled at her and then he was gone. She took a breath and started around the corner when she heard voices. She stopped and looked over at the nurses’ station. She gulped. Medusa was standing beside Satan, going over charts. There was no way to go pass them without them seeing her.  _ Great _ .

“She’s got talent, Addison. You should’ve seen her.” Wait, was Medusa actually praising her?! “She was a bit shaky, maybe over-eager. But there’s definitely talent.”

“I wish I could’ve watched,” Satan chuckled softly, “Though, I did hear that Alex’s nickname is sticking, Medusa.”

The blonde Attending rolled her eyes, “One time. I blow up on him one time, and suddenly I petrify people. Ridiculous.”

“Oh very,” She watched as Satan leaned in to kiss Medusa, and she found that she couldn’t look away, “I have a couple C-sections today but unless there’s something else that comes up, we have reservations at 9.”

“Callie and Arizona agreed to watch Zola,” Medusa’s lips curled into a smile. Who knew that was possible?

“So we’ll have the house all to ourselves,” And then Satan grinned, leaning forward to whisper in her ear. And whatever she said made Medusa go red.

“That sounds acceptable, Dr. Montgomery.”

Satan grinned, “I thought you’d say that, Dr. Grey.”

It was official: Satan was Medusa’s kryptonite.

* * *

She was 15 hours into her 48-hour shift when she finally caught back up with Steph and Heather.

“No, guys, seriously!” She tried to get Steph and Heather to listen to her, “Medusa turned to mush around Satan.”

“You’re reading too much into this,” Steph answered.

“They kissed at the nurses’ station, in full view of others. Talking about having the house to themselves. And they have a kid. That’s reading the facts,” She argued.

“Jo,” Heather muttered, hitting her in the arm.

“What?” She asked, and the other two pulled her to a stop in front of the railing, overlooking the main surgical floor.

Medusa and Satan stood with their backs to them, chatting with Drs. Torres and Robbins.

* * *

“So, we’ll be over around 9 tomorrow to get her,” Meredith said, as she handed Zola off to Callie.

From beside her, Addison smiled and mouthed ‘eleven.’ 

Callie grinned knowingly, “Sounds good.”

“And if you need anything, you can call.”

“I’m sure they’ll have it handled,” Addison interjected, “Plus, they’ll have Lexie and Mark to help out.”

“Exactly,” Arizona agreed, “We’ll be fine.”

“But if you’re not,” She started.

“Don’t you worry,” Callie interrupted, “Go have fun on your date. You deserve it.” She smiled.

“Oh my God, did we miss it?” Cristina asked as she came running up to them, Amelia in tow.

“Miss what?” She asked.

Addison groaned, almost pleadingly, “Don’t say it.”

Amelia grinned at them, “This is the last time we’re going to see you before Addison defiles your body. It’s like the last hurrah. You may not be able to stand tomorrow.”

She felt her face warm at the comment, even as Addison muttered, “Filter, Amelia.”

“Hey, at least you’re buying her dinner first.”

Addison sighed and gently grabbed her hand, pressing a kiss to Zola’s cheek, “We’ll see you tomorrow Zo Zo. We love you.”

Meredith mirrored the action, “You heard her, Zo Zo. Be good. We love you so much.”

Zola smiled at them, babbling at them, trying to give them each a kiss back.

“Ready?” Addison asked.

“Ready,” She echoed.

* * *

“That was sweet!” Jo gushed as they watched the two Attendings walk towards the elevators, “They’re so cute together.”

“They’re so cute, it’s disgusting,” Heather muttered with a smirk.

“Hey, shhh,” Stephanie muttered.

* * *

“Fifty bucks they don’t make it past dessert,” Cristina offered up as soon as the two were out of earshot.

“Dessert? I’ve got fifty that they don’t even get there,” Amelia replied.

Arizona smiled, shifting to hold Sofia better, “You two and your silly bet, I swear.”

Callie laughed softly, “I’ve got fifty that says they won’t show up until noon tomorrow.”

“Calliope, honestly, not you too.”

“What? It’s all in good fun.”

“Are we still making bets?” Mark called as he and Lexie made their way towards the small group.

“Not in your life, Mark! Get out of here!” Amelia answered. 

“What?” He asked with a laugh, “I don’t get to join in on the fun?”

“No, you don’t. You’re probably already imagining them naked,” Cristina answered

“And since one of them is my sister, it’s even weirder,” Lexie chimed in.

“So mean,” he grumbled.

“Does anyone know how to do their jobs around here?” Bailey’s voice made them all jump.

They looked towards her voice and found her overlooking the surgical floor, saw the three interns scurrying away. She glanced down at them before making her way towards them, “Interns, always eavesdropping,” She smirked at their terrified expressions, “One hundred that Grey and Montgomery call off tomorrow.”

“How come you can get in on the bet?” Mark asked.

She fixed him with a glare, “Because I’m Dr. Bailey,” As he sputtered to come up with a rebuttal, she added, “Unless you’re off duty, get back to work. This is a hospital, people, not a betting hall.” And then she walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, I tried to finish the story in this chapter, but my muse was having none of it. One more to go. I get to write a cute Meddison date now. Please review.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This story was supposed to be like 2k words and a one-shot, and here we are, chapter 13, over 50k words.

Meredith looked around the restaurant in awe. The scenery was absolutely beautiful. Addison sat down across from her, and she smiled softly. The scenery may have been beautiful, but Addison was stunningly gorgeous. They’d had a shorter shift than normal, due to the trial, but still, it had been a long day. But as she gazed at Addison across the table, any tiredness she felt was pushed away. She was here in this beautiful restaurant, with Addison sitting across from her, smiling at her. 

She tried to think of the last time she’d been on an actual date. She and Derek hadn’t gone to fancy restaurants like this. She pushed Derek from her mind. He didn’t deserve a single second of her time. Not anymore.

“You okay?” Addison questioned, her voice dragging her from her thoughts, and when she looked over at her, she saw that a frown had etched itself across her lips.

She smiled at her, “Yeah, got lost in my head there.”

“This isn’t too much, is it?”

She shook her head, “Not at all. It’s perfect. _You_ are perfect, Addison.”

Addison smirked, looking much more like herself than she had in the last minute, “You’re not too bad yourself, Meredith.”

* * *

“And she came running out of her home office, screeching at me at the top of her lungs,” Meredith explained through an infectious laugh, and she couldn’t help but laugh along with her, “All because I’d slept with one of her residents. It got her attention, just not the way I wanted.”

They’d discussed their pasts, leaving out the parts that involved Derek, (“I slept with George” and “I aborted Mark’s baby.” “I had a miscarriage during the shooting” and “I’m barren.” “You leaving for L.A. almost killed me” and “You nearly drowning almost killed _me_.” “I stopped swimming” and “My mother killed herself.”) and they found that discussing even their darkest secrets wasn’t as hard as they’d first believed. It didn’t feel like a first date; it felt like they had been going to dinner for years. It felt so natural. And eventually, they’d moved on from their relationships to discussing their family lives.

Ellis Grey may have been a talented surgeon, but her motherly instincts were drowned out by her obsession with perfectionism. Meredith had to be perfect, had to get the best grades; Ellis wouldn’t have accepted anything else. Her mother had practically forced her to become a surgeon with her nitpicking. And as for Bizzy Forbes Montgomery… 

“My mother hid a sordid lesbian affair with her personal assistant from me for 20 years,” Addison said as the laughing came to a stop.

“What?” Meredith’s smile froze for a second, before she’d started laughing again, “You’re joking!”

“Oh, no,” She answered with her own chuckle, “Shocked the hell out of me. I opened the door and there they were, my mother and Susan, kissing in her hotel room.”

“My mother’s affair with Webber shocked me too,” Meredith confessed, “I’m sure that’s part of the reason I became a surgeon.”

She nodded in sympathy, “I can understand that,” She raised her wine glass towards her with a delighted glint in her eye, “To our mothers?”

Meredith smirked at her, raising her own glass to _clink_ against hers, “To our mothers.”

* * *

“You know,” She began after the waiter had brought out their entrees and another bottle of wine, “My mother slapped me when I told her I couldn’t do anything to save Susan.”

Meredith hummed softly, “My dad slapped me after I told him we’d lost his wife Susan on the operating table.”

And it was ironic that they’d both been slapped by a family member over someone named Susan.

“She was my favorite of my mother’s assistants,” Addison mused, “It took them 20 years, but they finally got married. Bizzy finally divorced the Captain and married Susan. And then Susan died. And then my mother died.”

“My Susan wanted me to be part of her family,” Meredith replied softly, “But all I saw was someone that my dad had picked over me, and I think that I hated her for it. And then she died.” She reached over and placed her hand on top of Meredith’s, making the blonde’s eyes jump to hers, “Sorry, that was…”

She smiled at her, “Dark and twisty?” Meredith nodded, a faint blush coming onto her cheeks, “It’s a good thing I love that about you.” She inwardly smirked as her words made Meredith’s blush deepen. She used her free hand to stab a piece of her steak, holding it out towards Meredith, “Have a bite?”

And when Meredith carefully pulled the bite off with her teeth and chewed slowly, she couldn’t stop her own blush from creeping up her neck to settle on her cheeks.

“It’s very good,” Meredith held out her fork, speared with a piece of grilled chicken, “Your turn.”

They took turns feeding each other occasionally off their plates, and the somber mood slowly dissipated until they were laughing and cracking jokes again.

* * *

Addison pulled out her card to pay, letting the waiter know to add a twenty percent tip, all without even looking at the bill. Meredith had to stop herself from gawking at her. She had a sizable trust fund too, not billions worth, but still.

“Are you always this carefree with money?” She asked carefully after the waiter went to run Addison’s card. She wasn’t trying to be rude, she was just naturally curious. 

Addison smiled at her gently, and she knew she hadn’t offended her by asking, “The owner is an old friend. But to answer your question, no, I’m not. If I want to buy something, I’ll debate with myself. I may have been born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but I know not to waste money.” She glanced at the bill then but showed no outward signs of distress; though with her trust fund, Meredith doubted much could.

“How much was it?” She asked, even more curious. Addison raised her eyebrow at her, but she was no longer an intern and it wasn’t that scary anymore, “Addie, let me be curious.”

“I thought that was what tonight was for?” Addison answered, and she nearly swallowed her tongue.

Still, Addison smiled at her and slid over the bill. Her eyes went wide. 

“Plus a twenty percent tip,” she looked up at the redhead, wide-eyed.

“Hey, always tip your servers,” Addison fixed her with a loving smile, one that made her heart skip a beat and her palms start to get sweaty, “And besides you, Meredith Grey, are worth every penny. You, you’re everything. If I went broke tomorrow, I wouldn’t care, as long as I have you.”

She felt tears start to well up in her eyes, but luckily she was saved from a response by their waiter returning. 

“Katarina sends her love, Ms. Montgomery,” the waiter said as he handed back her card and she signed the restaurant’s receipt.

Addison smiled at him, “Thank you for a lovely evening, Marco. We had an amazing time.”

Meredith snapped out of her thoughts, blinking back her tears, “Yeah, thank you.”

He smiled at them both, “Have a great rest of your evening, ladies.”

As he walked away, she glanced at Meredith, “Ready to go?”

Meredith smiled and nodded. They made their way to the exit, and Meredith helped her with her coat, before she returned the favor. Sometime during the last hour and a half, the sky had turned a stormy grey, and as they made their way to the car, the clouds opened up, soaking Seattle with an evening thunderstorm.

* * *

The quick dash from the car to the porch had them both soaked within seconds, but Meredith found that she didn’t care. The anxiety she got over storms wasn’t as bad as it normally was. And that had everything to do with the woman beside her. Addison made her feel completely safe, completely protected. 

“I may be slightly afraid of storms,” She said over the roar of thunder.

“We’d better get inside then,” Addison acknowledged with a soft smile.

“I’m not afraid right now,” She replied.

“No?” Addison asked.

“No,” She answered, and then she stepped forward and kissed her. 

She kissed the redhead with everything she had, every emotion, every feeling. She poured her soul into the kiss, pressing the redhead against the door hungrily. Addison let out a low moan that was swallowed up by the storm, before she was being kissed back just as fiercely.

She hissed as Addison bit her lower lip, but the sting was quickly forgotten. Addison grabbed the lapels of her jacket, holding on tightly as she continued to devour her mouth. They pulled back from one another when the need for air became too much, breathing hard. Addison’s eyes were dark with desire, her pupils blown wide; she knew hers were exactly the same. She was feeling uncomfortably wet and not just from the storm.

God, she needed more. She’d once remarked that surgery was a high, that she didn’t know why anyone did drugs when you had that rush, but kissing Addison Montgomery had become an addiction, a high that overtook surgery. And she needed more. 

“More.” She wasn’t even aware she’d said the word out loud until Addison had flipped their positions, and she was leaning back against the door, staring into Addison’s eyes.

There was nothing stopping them tonight. There were no emergencies at the hospital, no pages they had to respond to. They had the house to themselves. There were no distractions. They were just Addison and Meredith. And it was enough.

Addison kissed her again.

* * *

Meredith was pretty sure she’d reached enlightenment. She was flying high, higher and higher, her fingers grasping at the bed sheets and twisting, holding on tightly. She looked down and found Addison watching her intently, two fingers pumping inside her slowly while her tongue ran tight circles on her clit. It was slow and torturous and she wanted to come, damn it.

“Please,” She managed, the pleasure making her half-delirious. 

Something flashed in Addison’s eyes, and she lowered her head back down, pulling her fingers out to start licking at her pussy again. She arched into her, but Addison had to have anticipated that she would because she shifted slightly, to keep herself in the same spot. She shifted her hand up to start rubbing two fingers on her clit, and she was right there, on the edge.

And then Addison brought her other hand up, positioned three fingers back at her entrance, and she moaned in relief as Addison pushed them inside slowly. But there was nothing slow about the way Addison adjusted her position and started fucking her hard, keeping steady pressure on her clit. It was perfect.

“Oh, fuck! Addison!” Her eyes rolled back as she came hard. Seconds (minutes? hours?) later, Addison looked at her with a satisfied smirk, pulling her fingers out slowly, making her shudder, “Oh, wow.”

“Good?” Addison questioned as she moved up her body, pressing open-mouth kisses along her throat.

“Mmm,” she hummed with a smile, pulling Addison up more so she could kiss her lips, moaning as she tasted herself, “Amazing.”

“Amazing, huh?” Addison laughed softly.

“So amazing,” she repeated before she was switching their positions, staring down at the redhead, “Let me return the favor.”

“Please,” Addison’s voice was low, her desire bleeding into her voice.

She made her way down her body slowly, pressing kisses everywhere, listening to every sound Addison made. Addison’s fingers tangled in her hair, moaning as she nipped at her hip in response.

“You are so,” Addison started, and then lost her train of thought as she shifted her attention to her pussy, taking a slow lick. Her fingers tightened in her hair, and she smirked as she took another slow pass through her pussy, moaning softly. She couldn’t believe how wet she was, and she couldn’t get enough of her sweetness.

She glanced up at Addison and was intoxicated by the lust in her eyes, “I’m so?” But she didn’t let Addison answer, lowering her head back down. 

As the storm raged outside, she focused on Addison; every sound Addison made, every moan, every gasp. And when she gently pulled her head back to focus on her clit, she was sure Addison actually whimpered. She inwardly grinned, moving her free hand up to push two fingers inside the redhead’s pussy, and then mimicked Addison’s earlier ministrations by focusing on her clit with her tongue. When Addison came, she pulled on her hair, bucking into her mouth as she cried out her name. 

Forget kissing Addison. Seeing her come was the biggest high of her life.

* * *

Addison let out a whimper as Meredith pulled her fingers out, and she gently untangled hers from her hair. She snagged Meredith’s as the blonde made her way up her body again, drawing the nimble digits into her mouth to taste herself. Meredith moaned at the action, and she locked eyes with her as she slowly removed the fingers from her mouth one by one. Meredith settled over her again, and she pulled her down to kiss her.

“Are you sure this is your first time?” she joked.

Meredith laughed, “I’m sure.”

“Mmm,” she hummed softly, “I don’t know if I believe that.” She grinned at Meredith’s confused look and kissed her again. Meredith settled on her lap, and she grasped her hips gently as she sat propped up against the pillows, “You are too good at it for it to be your first time.”

“Well, I had to make a good first impression.”

“You made an excellent first impression, Dr. Grey,” she husked as she leaned forward, dragging her teeth against the blonde’s neck before slowly sucking on her pulse point, “It was very enlightening.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Meredith breathed out as she leaned into her, “I’m glad, Dr. Montgomery.”

“You’re not too tired yet, are you?”

Meredith shook her head, and the smell of lavender overtook her senses, “Not at all. You?”

She took delight in the way Meredith moaned as she skillfully slipped two fingers inside her again, “Oh, don’t you worry about me,” She began, taking in the hazy swirl of arousal in her lover’s eyes. _So delicious_ , “I’ll tell you when I’ve had enough. This is about you right now.” Meredith moaned softly, and she focused on the way Meredith arched into her touch, her eyes nearly black with desire. _Oh fuck yes_.

* * *

Meredith blinked awake just as the sunlight was starting to spill into the room. It was definitely too early to be up, and she let out a low sigh as she relaxed further back into Addison, who had one arm wrapped around her, the other tucked underneath the pillow she slept on. The neonatal surgeon was pressed up against her, holding her close, and it made her heart swell with love.

God, how could one person be so undeniably perfect? She had felt so unloved so many times growing up, by so many people, but with just a look, Addison made her forget all of that. Addison made her feel so loved and cherished, and she couldn’t help but love her back. She’d thought that Derek was the great love of her life, but she’d been wrong. It was Addison. It had always been Addison. It just took her forever to see it.

She relaxed against Addison, deciding that she should try to get more sleep. After all, they had to get Zola sometime this morning.

* * *

When she woke up again, it was to Addison running her fingers through her hair. She turned in her arms and was instantly captivated by the contentment and love that shone in the redhead’s eyes. She wasn’t sure anyone had ever looked at her like that, not even…

“What’s got you in your head this morning?” Addison questioned, drawing her from her thoughts.

Despite herself, she blushed, “Nothing, just thinking.”

“All good thoughts I hope.”

“The best,” She confirmed, leaning into her to kiss her gently, “Last night was amazing, Addison.”

The redhead grinned into the kiss, “So you said. A lot.”

“Well it was,” She replied with a quiet laugh.

“It was,” Addison agreed as she gently ran her hand across her cheek before she leaned down to kiss her again, “And you were amazing too.”

“Well, I had a very good teacher,” She replied.

Addison’s eyes darkened with lust, “Did you now?”

“Mhmm,” The desire in Addison’s eyes was so hot, and she couldn’t help but be turned on by it, “How about I show you what I learned?”

Addison settled back against the bed, drawing her back on top of her, “By all means, let me see.”

* * *

“Did you hear that Dr. Herman is covering for Addison today?” Amelia asked Callie as she passed her and Arizona in the hallway.

Callie looked at the clock, “It’s like 9 am, they could still show up before noon.”

“Hey,” Cristina called as she and Teddy made their way towards them, “do you know why Webber is taking Mere’s cases today?”

“I doubt that,” Amelia muttered to the ortho goddess.

* * *

Dr. Nicole Herman watched the Attendings talk in quiet clumps and couldn’t help but be intrigued. She found Miranda Bailey at the surgical board and walked up to her. 

“What’s got their panties all in a twist?”

Bailey smirked, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“I doubt that.”

“They made a few bets last night about Drs. Meredith Grey and Montgomery, and they’re waiting to see who wins the money.”

“A bet, seriously?” She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts. Finding the one she wanted, she hit _talk_ and held the phone to her ear. She couldn’t help but notice the Attendings looking over at her curiously.

Bailey glanced at her, “Are you seriously…”

“Addison, hi, it’s Nicole. I’m good. Tell me, are you planning on coming to work today, or are you going to stay in bed all day with your lesbian lover?” She listened for a few minutes and then, “I understand completely. Yes, mhmm, you too.” And then she disconnected.

“Well?” Bailey asked.

“They’re not going to be in today. Addison was trying to explain but I’m sure Dr. Grey was…”

“That’s enough,” Bailey cut her off, holding up her hand, “I do not now, nor do I ever, want to hear about the shenanigans that Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery get up to in their own home.”

“Did they make it past dessert?” Dr. Yang spoke up, and she turned to her and Drs. Shepherd and Torres.

“I’m sure they’re enjoying their dessert right…”

“You know what,” Callie interrupted, fishing out a $50, “I really don’t want to know. Here,” She handed the $50 to Bailey.

“I second that,” Cristina added and did the same.

Amelia seemed conflicted for half a second, “Fine. I’ll grill them later,” She pulled out her own $50 and gave it to Bailey.

The shorter woman looked between the three of them, “I said $100 they wouldn’t come in.”

She watched, amused, as the three women each handed Bailey another $50 and then walked away, looking dejected.

Bailey handed her $100, “For your troubles, Dr. Herman.”

She smiled as she pocketed the money. Today was going to be a good day.

* * *

Addison placed her phone back on the bedside table, annoyed that she’d even picked up at all. 

“Who was on the phone?” Meredith asked as she entered the bathroom to find the blonde adjusting the temperature for the shower.

“It was Nicole Herman. She agreed to cover for me today. But when I answered, she hung up.”

Meredith looked back at her, “That’s odd, isn’t it?”

“Very,” But she pushed the weird call and anything to do with work out of her mind. If it was really important, Owen would call, or Nicole would call again. She sighed as Meredith kissed her softly, opening the shower door, “I suddenly don’t care anymore.”

Meredith laughed softly.

* * *

It had been a long shift, and he was glad it was over. Mark smiled as he saw Lexie making her ways towards him, Zola in her arms. 

“You have a munchkin,” he said, as he kissed her softly.

“Meredith asked if we’d drop her off and I said we would. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course it is,” he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pressing a kiss to Zola’s cheek, “How you doing, Munchkin? Ready to go find your mommies?”

Zola smiled at him sleepily, “Ma, Ma.” He and Lexie chuckled.

As they made their way to the exit, he spoke, “We’re going to have the best lives, Lexie. I’m going to marry you someday.”

She blushed, “Are you now?”

“Definitely,” he confirmed, “I love you, Lexie Grey. We were supposed to end up together. It’s you and me. We’re meant to be.”

She smiled at him, kissing him softly, “Meant to be.”

* * *

Jackson and April watched from the nurse’s station as Mark and Lexie walked out for the night, Zola falling asleep on Lexie’s shoulder. 

“Jackson?” 

“Hm?”

“I want to have a family with you,” She looked over at him and smiled, “Not right away, but when we’re both ready. I want to have a family with you.”

“I want that too, April.”

“Really?”

He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, “Yeah, really. I love you.”

She grinned into the kiss, wrapping her arms around him, “I love you too.”

* * *

Bailey sat in one of the many conference rooms, going over her charts. She didn’t mind doing it, especially with the screw up the one resident had done. It was something that she looked forward to, taking her mind off the grueling days.

“There you are,” She looked up at Ben’s voice, allowing a smile to grace her lips.

“Benjamin Warren, I thought you’d forgotten about me.”

He eased into the chair beside her, “Never. I was thinking we could take-out, stay in and rent a movie.”

She glanced over at him before focusing back on the charts, “I’ll be done in about 20 minutes.”

He smirked at her, pressing a kiss to her cheek, “I don’t mind waiting. I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you.”

“I wasn’t the one that wanted to go off to med school again.”

“Miranda,” he sighed, but then he saw her smile.

“20 minutes, Ben Warren, and then we can get out of here for the night.”

“Okay,” he answered.

* * *

Meredith placed Zola gently in her crib, covering her with her blanket and making sure she had her favorite toy elephant. She heard Addison downstairs, laughing at something Mark was saying, and she felt her heart swell with love. To think she may never have had this chance. Maybe the plane crash, as traumatic as it had been, was a blessing in disguise. No, that was stupid to even think that. It wasn’t a blessing disguise. It was just a wake up call that she had desperately needed.

“Did you ever think we’d be this happy?” Lexie questioned as she stepped into the room, “That we’d get to have this chance to be happy?”

“No, I didn’t,” she answered honestly, “I didn’t expect a lot of things. Everything with Derek spiraled so far out of control. It was like one moment I was happy and the next,” She looked down at Zola sleeping peacefully, “I never thought that Addison, that she would be the one, you know? I thought my one was Derek, that he was who I wanted. But Addison; she doesn’t expect me to change, she accepts me for being all dark and twisty. She talks to me like a person, not as a stepping stone for her career. She just…”

“Sets your soul on fire,” Lexie finished for her, and she nodded, “I get that. Mark does the same thing to me.”

“Yeah,” She said softly, but wasn’t sure what she was agreeing to.

She turned to face Lexie, and couldn’t stop herself from thinking back to the nightmares of seeing her die, over and over, for weeks. She pulled her into a hug, resting her head on her shoulder, “Meredith?”

“Just let me hug you, okay?”

“Okay,” Lexie replied, and she sighed softly, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she replied, and for a few minutes, she held Lexie close, willing the images in her head away: when they finally faded, she found the willpower to speak. “Promise me,” She began, “Promise me that if I try to screw this up, that you’ll stop me. I don’t know how to do this again. I gave so much to Derek. I love her and I’m afraid and I don’t want to push her away.”

Lexie smiled, “I promise.”

* * *

All that Addison was expecting on her first day back was to do a couple C-sections. She did have a conversation with Nicole about her odd phone call; the fetal surgeon had let her talk before asking her if she’d had a nice day off, smirking at her like she knew exactly what she and Meredith had been doing.

She’d had lunch with Meredith and Zola in the cafeteria, had gone to another board meeting - this time insisting that Meredith be allowed to sit in - and had just saved the life of a premature baby girl. So, all things considered, she was having a fantastic day. 

Her pager beeped as she was scrubbing out of the aforementioned surgery, so she set off to the E.R. 

* * *

Richard watched as Addison made her way towards himself and the patient, her brows knitted together in confusion. In actuality, he was confused too. Why a pregnant young woman had come all the way from L.A. to see Addison was confusing. She had to be close to 8 months, maybe even into the ninth month. Surely, that wasn’t safe, even if she had flown.

“Judi, what are you doing here?” Addison questioned, “Does anyone know where you are? Your mother?”

Judi looked uneasy and glanced at the floor, “No.”

“What are you doing here?” She questioned again. 

He spoke up, trying to shift the focus back to their patient’s issue, “Judi here has been having abdominal pain. Thinks it may be pre-labor symptoms.”

In an instant, he watched Addison switch from a concerned friend to a concerned doctor. 

“Let’s get you checked out, alright?”

The young adult nodded, “Are you going to call my mom?”

“You’re 18, so I’m not going to do that.”

“What, no inspirational quote about how she’s my mom and she should know?”

Addison smiled softly, but he saw the pain in her eyes; he knew how Bizzy had passed, so it was probably still affecting her, “No, nothing like that. The decision is all yours. Why are you even here? I handed your case off to Dr. King.”

“I can’t take care of him; I don’t have a support system. But you do, Dr. Montgomery. I still want you to be my baby’s mom.”

“Judi,” Addison began, and then she paused, “let’s start with getting you checked out, alright?”

* * *

Addison wasn’t panicking. Not at all. She _wasn’t_. Except she was, she was panicking. Because when Judi had first come to her a few months back, when she was still in L.A., she’d wholly considered adopting her baby boy. Judi had already been thinking of adoption, had already suggested the idea, and she had wanted a baby, and this was her chance. But a lot had changed.

When she’d handed the case off to Charlotte, she never expected to see Judi again, let alone have her come all the way to Seattle. And if it were just her, she would adopt the baby in a heartbeat. But it wasn’t. She had Meredith to think about too. And Zola. She couldn’t just make a life decision like this on her own, not anymore.

She paced the Attendings lounge while the nurses prepped Judi for delivery. She was 35 weeks, but the baby was going to be here today whether she liked it or not.

“Addison?” Meredith’s voice snapped her from her thoughts, and she turned to face her, “What’s wrong?”

She didn’t have much time, she knew that. 

“When I was in L.A.,” she began, stepping in front of the blonde, “I had this case. 18 year old expecting mother, terrified and on her own. And she wanted to give her baby up for adoption. She was about 6 months when I went down to L.A. and I handed her case off to Charlotte at St. Ambrose,” Meredith nodded along as she spoke, “She just showed up in the E.R. Richard paged me. She asked for me. And she’s going into labor about a month early.”

“I don’t see the problem,” Meredith said, tilting her head in confusion.

“Right um,” God, she was _nervous_ , “in L.A., we’d discussed the possibility of me adopting her baby. And she still wants that. Me to adopt him. That’s why she came here.”

“Oh,” Meredith breathed out softly, and she released the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding.

“I wanted a baby. I’ve always wanted a baby,” She explained, “And I thought that adoption was my last chance. But now,” She took a breath, “Now, I have you, and I have Zola, and that’s enough for me, Meredith. But I,” She stopped, unable to voice any more of her rambling thoughts.

“You want another baby,” Meredith answered simply.

“I want another baby,” She ran a hand over her face, “I know it’s so sudden, and we haven’t talked about more kids.” They hadn’t talked about a lot of things, honestly. They were still so new, “I don’t know what to do. If it was just me, I would say yes in a heartbeat.”

Meredith smiled at her then, gently grabbing her arms as she started to pace again, and her jumbled thoughts suddenly stopped. She looked at the blonde, her eyes lit with unease, “I think we’re doing everything out of order here, Addie,” Meredith began, and she nodded along, “but if this is really what you want, I’m not going to stop you.”

Despite the elation that shot through her, she kept her voice even, “I don’t want to overstep.”

Meredith pressed a soft kiss to her lips, “Addison, you are not overstepping. You uprooted your entire life in L.A. I’m happy that a pregnant patient followed you to Seattle and not some crazy ex.”

“Still, we should discuss it.” Her pager went off then, and she cursed as she looked at it.

“I think we’re out of time,” Meredith said with amusement in her eyes.

“I’ll page you when it’s over.”

And when Meredith kissed her, she relaxed, “I’ll be right behind you.”

“Okay,” she replied.

* * *

The baby boy’s cry was loud and strong. Judi felt tears in her eyes but quickly blinked them away. She watched as a team of nurses took him away to weigh him and get him cleaned off. Dr. Montgomery took care of the afterbirth quickly, and she sighed as she rested back on the bed. 

“You did good, Judi,” Dr. Montgomery said softly as she removed her gloves and grabbed a clean pair.

“I never want to do that again,” she replied with a weak laugh. The pain had been nearly unbearable, and she was tired.

The nurses brought the baby boy back in, swaddled and squirming slightly. She looked at him and felt her tears quickly return.

“Did you want to hold him?”

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak. The nurse settled him in her arms, showing her the correct way to hold him.

“He’s beautiful,” she whispered and forced her voice not to crack with emotion. Her little boy, her little miracle. She looked up to see Dr. Montgomery updating her chart quietly, “Do you want to hold him?”

The redhead looked up, glancing at her from behind her glasses, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” She watched as the redhead set down the chart and carefully took him into her arms, smiling down at him softly. She looked so natural holding him, “I want an open adoption.”

“Are you sure?” 

She nodded, “I need you to take him, Dr. Montgomery. I need you to be his mom.”

“Judi.”

“I can’t give him the life he needs.” She couldn’t stop the tears from falling now, “I’ll sign the adoption papers today. I just, I can’t. I can’t be his mom.”

“Hey, hey, woah,” Dr. Montgomery gently placed him in the bassinet before making her way to her, “breathe, Judi. Deep breaths.”

“Will you adopt him? Will you adopt Henry?”

“Is that what you want to name him?”

She nodded, “He looks like a Henry, don’t you think?”

The redhead nodded her head in agreement, “I think so.”

“I think so too.” She glanced over at the doorway, to find a blonde woman leaning against the open door, her eyes twinkling with warmth. 

The neonatal Attending smiled softly, “Meredith.” And just by the way she’d said the blonde’s name, she knew there was something between them, “Judi, this is Dr. Grey; she’s a General Attending here.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Meredith stepped from the doorway, “Little Henry, huh?”

She nodded with a soft smile, which quickly morphed into a frown, “Is it okay that I name him?”

“Of course it is,” Dr. Montgomery replied, placing a hand on her arm.

“You’ll do it then?” She looked from Meredith and then back to the redhead, “You’ll take him? You’ll love him?”

“Yes,” Meredith answered. 

“We will,” the other woman agreed with a nod.

She smiled at the redhead, “Thank you,” She turned to the General Attending, “Did you want to hold him too, Dr. Grey?”

Meredith nodded and walked over to where Dr. Montgomery sat beside her, gently picking Henry up. He started to wail loudly, but Meredith shushed him, gently rocking him.

“You getting hungry, little guy?”

As she slowly fell asleep, she knew she made the right decision. Henry would be safe and loved and cared for. That was all she wanted for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay, so the final chapter is next, which is going to be an epilogue. Hopefully, this didn’t feel rushed. I tried to keep it from feeling rushed. Thanks for reading this chapter! Please review!


	14. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the end; no idea why people were thinking the last chapter was but it’s whatever. Thanks to everyone for all the reviews and likes/kudos!!

Time changes people. Events change people. Life, by its very nature, changes people. Three years in prison had definitely changed Derek Shepherd. When he’d first gone in, he’d been angry. He’d been livid. Meredith had thrown everything that they’d had away.  _ Everything _ . And it had changed him. Made him angrier. She’d pushed him away, and he’d let her, and it had been an endless, vicious cycle. But he’d still snapped at her, lashed out at her, he’d hurt her, and she was supposed to be the love of his life. ( _ Like Addison had been, once upon a time _ , he’d mused to himself). He knew he should’ve walked away. He’d replayed the stairwell and on-call room incidents in his mind a thousand times. And he knew both times he should’ve just walked away. But he hadn’t.

The longer he thought about it, the more he would dream about it. He would dream about getting out and finding Meredith. He would dream about her waiting for him at the dream house, waiting with Zola, saying it had all been a mistake and that she loved him. He would dream about her visiting him. 

That always made him look forward to visitation day. But the only ones who came to visit were his mother and Amelia. And he was always crushed, even though he was happy to see them.

His mother would look disappointed in him, every time, and he was always disappointed in himself. She never had to say she was disappointed in him; he always knew. She had that look in her eyes. Still, she would let him know how his sisters were doing, how his nieces and nephews were. She would tell him after every visit that she loved him. He knew she did. He loved her too. And he would tell her as much.

Amelia visited with her more often than not. And every time, he tried to get information on Meredith. How was she doing? How was Zola? They were his family, and he needed to know. She had this look in her eyes when she told him they were fine, like she was pitying him. And maybe she was. But Meredith and Zola were his family, damn it. How could he not want to know how they were?

Last year, her normal answer of, “They’re both fine,” had changed.

He’d been here for 2 years and was to go before the parole board next year. He was confident he’d be released early. He’d been making progress, after all.

“No Mom?” He asked when it was only Amelia who visited a few days after Christmas.

“Not today,” Amelia replied but didn’t offer more than that, which he thought was odd but let it go.

“How are Meredith and Zola?” he asked as Amelia sat down across from him.

“Addison proposed,” She fixed him with a look, like she was trying to get him to just accept it. Accept that his adulterous first wife had proposed to his second? There was no way he would ever accept that, “On Christmas. Addison proposed, and Meredith said yes. They’re getting married in July.”

“That’s great,” he’d replied, but he knew he was lying to her.

It had broken his heart to know Meredith wasn’t waiting for him, that she’d decided she was moving on. That she was still trapped in Addison’s web. And Addison proposing, like she had any right to Meredith? 

He was doing better. Getting better at controlling his anger. Never mind what the deal had been. Meredith and Zola were his family. He couldn’t just stay away. Once he got his medical license back, things would be different. He could work anywhere. He could get his life back. And maybe, he would see about the no-contact order. Zola couldn’t grow up without her father.

* * *

Meredith was nervous. No, scratch that, she was  _ extremely  _ nervous. She fiddled with the flower in her hair, smoothed the invisible lines of her dress. She sat in the chair while Wilson applied her make-up. Jo had come a long way in the last three years. She was an amazing surgeon already and was already in her 3rd year of residency. The young brunette had taken a shining to general surgery, and they’d grown close, the kind of mentorship she’d wished she’d been able to have with… 

“All done,” Jo said as she stepped back with a smile.

Lexie entered the room, quickly shutting the door behind her, “Wow.”

She smiled at her sister. Cristina spoke up from where she sat on the couch, her voice dripping with sarcasm, “Yeah, yeah, we know, she looks amazing,” Cristina smiled at her, “You do, Mere. You really do.”

Alex poked his head through the door, “Almost ready?”

Butterflies swarmed in her stomach, her nerves setting on fire again. She thought of when Addison proposed, sitting in front of the fireplace, Zola and Henry playing on the carpet with their new toys, Milo curled up on the couch. And Addison had looked so nervous, her hands shaking as she gently pulled out the velvet box, opening it.

“This is such a clich é thing, asking on Christmas, but I can’t help it. Meredith Grey, will you do me the honor of being my wife?” And in that moment, she’d never felt happier.

She’d smiled at Addison, smiled and kissed her, nodding enthusiastically. Because she had the inkling that Addison was going to ask.

“Yes, yes!”

And Addison’s resulting smile was enough to make her forget to breathe.

She took a breath and walked to Alex, willing the butterflies to calm down. But her answer was the same as when Addison had asked.

“Yes.”

* * *

Addison wasn’t nervous. She  _ wasn’t _ , damn it. Except she really, really was. She tried not to fidget with her hair, keeping her hands clenched tightly in her lap to prevent the nervous gesture. 

“You look amazing,” Amelia said softly, and she met the brunette’s eyes through the mirror.

Teddy hummed her agreement, offering her her own smile. Callie stepped back from her after putting the finishing touches on her make-up.

“She’s not wrong.” They looked towards the door as Mark spoke, a soft smile on his lips, “You look beautiful, Addison.”

There was a moment, once upon a time, years ago now, where him saying that would’ve made her blush. Now, she merely smiled as she stood, “Thank you.”

“You ready?”

She looked from Teddy, Amelia and Callie and then looked back at Mark, “I suppose so. No turning back now.”

“I mean, I can always get a getaway car,” Amelia offered up.

She laughed softly. Even after three years, the neurosurgeon had no filter.

“No getaway car needed,” She stood and made her way to Mark, who offered his arm, “Let’s get this show on the road.”

* * *

Miranda Bailey watched as the women took their spots beside her and looked out into the small gathering. It was intimate and beautiful. It almost didn’t look like a backyard, not with the way everyone had pitched in to help. The rows of chairs were filled, the sky was clear for once in Seattle, and the sun was shining. It was perfect

As the four bridesmaids took their spots, she watched Yang and Torres follow down the aisle. There had been no doubt who Meredith would choose to be her matron-of-honor, but Addison had a few choices. At first, she’d considered her friend Naomi from L.A., but they hadn’t talked much since Addison had moved back to Seattle. Her brother Archer had asked if she’d wanted a best man instead, and she had turned him down. She loved Archer, but he would’ve flirted with the entire wedding party if he could’ve; she loved him but no. Callie wasn’t intended to be her last choice; she’d debated asking her at all, simply because she’d just known that the Latina and Arizona were trying for another baby and hadn’t wanted to complicate things. But Callie had surprised her and readily agreed to being her matron-of-honor.

Miranda watched patiently as the ring-bearer and flower girl walked down the aisle. It was adorable seeing Zola helping her little brother walk towards the front. At three, little Henry was easily distracted, but the moment he saw his aunts, he made his way to them, still carefully holding the rings, while Zola tossed the flowers down the aisle.

And then the music changed, and everyone stood and turned.

Meredith and Addison had argued over who would go first, Meredith insisting it be Addison, and Addison insisting it be Meredith. 

It needed to be Meredith, Addison had reasoned, because this wasn’t a courthouse wedding and the attention needed to be on her. Meredith had argued against going first, because Addison’s first wedding was perfect, even if the marriage itself hadn’t been, and that the attention needed to be on her. In the end, Mark and Alex had offered to decide, and that was when the two women had decided to talk it out. And, it turned out, deciding who would go first was an easy issue to solve.

And so, to see Addison walking down the aisle, with Mark by her side, it wasn’t too much of a surprise to her. No one was surprised when she didn’t ask her father, The Captain, to escort her. For one, no one except Archer knew where he was. And two, Addison had practically cut him out of her life after her mother had died. There was too much resentment she carried towards both of her parents. But asking Mark had made sense, considering that Lexie was also in the wedding. A part of her was expecting Meredith to walk down the aisle first, but despite Addison being a world-class double-board certified neonatal surgeon, Meredith was her kryptonite.

She looked gorgeous in the cream-colored wedding dress; her hair was made up in a perfect bun. She was carrying a bouquet of lavender flowers. It was very fitting, and completely Addison. 

Meredith came down the aisle next, with Karev escorting her. When Mark and Lexie had gotten married a couple years ago, there had been no question who would walk Lexie down the aisle. Thatcher had sobered up, had been trying to be better for years; so, it was no surprise when she’d asked him to walk her down the aisle.

But for Meredith, she didn’t have that connection; there was all that bad blood and trust issues. She’d considered it, briefly, but it hadn’t been a long debate. In the end, she didn’t want him to give her away. They didn’t have that kind of relationship. 

Next, Meredith considered Richard. He’d been like a father figure to her, and throughout her years in Seattle, they’d grown close, despite her initial attempts to avoid it. But, still, it hadn’t felt right, even though she knew he would’ve jumped at the chance.

She’d asked Alex on a whim, not even sure if he would agree. He was focusing on his relationship with Jo and they all had busy lives, and she felt that she was intruding by asking. But Alex had readily agreed, even going as far to ask what had taken her so long to ask.

She watched as Meredith came down the aisle, wearing an off-white dress; her hair cascaded around her face in soft curls. She was carrying her own bouquet of lilies.

She smiled at the two women and then turned to face the crowd. Owen, Richard and Catherine were sitting beside Ben and Tuck. Ben and Tuck were a row behind Jackson and April; Jackson had his arm around April, their little boy Beau sitting on his lap. April was nearly 5 months along with their second child, and they were hoping for a girl. They had Mark and Lexie’s 2-year-old twins, Ethan and Suzy Grey-Sloan, sitting beside them. Sofia sat beside Arizona. Arizona kept a hand on her stomach; the blonde and Callie were expecting their second child in just a few months, and this time Arizona had decided to carry.

Addison had invited a few friends from L.A., but they hadn’t been able to make it. Addison had almost expected they wouldn’t show. After all, saying you’d be gone for 2-3 months and it ending up being 3 years was a hard pill to swallow. But she did spot Archer Montgomery in the back, by a tree. It seemed that he’d made it after all.

Drs. Yang and Altman got married in a private ceremony with an officiate, in which Meredith and Owen had witnessed. Everyone had gotten their happy ending, but now, it was Meredith and Addison’s turn. After everything that the two women endured, they deserved their own happy ending.

“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us today,” she began with a smile, “Today we’re here to unite Meredith Grey and Addison Montgomery in holy matrimony,” She looked between the two brides, “Marriage is a promise between two people who each other, who trust and honor each other, and who choose to spend the rest of their lives together. This ceremony is a symbol of how far you’ve come in these last few years. It’s a symbol of the promises you will make to each other, of how you will grow as partners and as individuals. No matter the challenges that you may face or how you will succeed, you’ll do that together. The love between you now joins as one,” She took a breath and addressed the crowd, “The brides would like to share a few words.”

“Addison,” Meredith began with a soft smile, “I knew from the moment you walked into Seattle Grace and introduced yourself that you were the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, even if I didn’t know it at the time. You have never failed to make me smile. Your love has made me stronger. I promise to open myself to you, to never shut you out. I promise to come home each night and never put anything above you and our family. Today, you are my wife, and I’ll love and cherish you every day.”

“Meredith, you are everything,” Addison started with her own smile, “I knew the moment I first saw you that you were special. You are amazing. You are an amazing mother to our kids. And I love you more than anything. When you hurt, I hurt. I fall in love with you more and more each day. I promise to always love you and cherish you. I promise to be faithful, to be better for you and our family. I promise to always put you first. Today, we begin our lives together, and I promise to love you every single day.”

Miranda cleared her throat softly and then looked at Henry, “Go ahead.”

He smiled at her and then ran to his moms with a grin, as they looked down at him, “Here, Mommy, Mama!”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” Meredith said as she and Addison each took a ring.

“You did a good job,” Addison added with a smile, “Now go stand with Aunt Amelia please.”

“Okay!” 

She smiled, “Meredith, place the ring in Addison’s finger,” After Meredith did, she continued, “Meredith, will you take Addison to be your wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer; to be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?”

Meredith smiled lovingly at Addison, “I do.”

“Addison, place the ring on Meredith’s finger,” The redhead did, and she continued, “Addison, will you take Meredith to be your wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer; to be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?”

Addison returned the smile, “I do.”

“Then by the power invested in me by the law in the State of Washington, I pronounce you wife and wife. You may now kiss the bride.” And much like the first kiss she’d witnessed between the two doctors, this one had just as much love. You could see it. Every time they looked at each other, or were in the OR together, you could see that love. All they did today was to make it official. As they slowly pulled away, she spoke, “Ladies and gentlemen, Doctors Meredith and Addison Forbes Montgomery-Grey.”

* * *

Derek left the courthouse to find his mother waiting for him. This last year, everything began to fall into place, and he realized that it was his own arrogance that had gotten him here. He knew he could never undo the pain he’d caused; undo the damage he’d inflicted. And he knew he would live with his guilt until he could tell Meredith how sorry he was.

He was dressed in the same blue shirt and black slacks he’d gone into court in 3 years ago, confident that this was all a misunderstanding. He hadn’t expected his lawyer to tell him to accept a deal. He hadn’t expected a long trial, but a deal? It was pathetic. Now, though, he knew he’d probably saved himself thousands in legal fees, not to mention an additional 7 years in prison. He’d gone into prison angry, but he’d left remorseful.

“Mom,” he began when he joined her at the bottom of the steps, “I thought Amelia was coming to pick me up?”

“Change of plans,” She was angry, and he knew this car ride was not going to be pleasant,

“Get in the car, Derek.”

He got in the passenger’s seat and buckled in, turning to look at the woman who raised him. As they started down the road, everything was quiet. The radio was off, the heat on at a low level as to not be overbearing. The only sound was the tapping of rain on the windshield and the swish of the wipers.

“I raised you to be a good man,” his mother began, and he stared straight ahead, “A good man. A decent man. Someone who would make your father and I proud. Someone who respected women.”

“I know,” he muttered, but she ignored him.

“So, imagine my surprise 3 years ago when your sister calls me to tell me that you went into a blind rage over a patient and attacked the mother of your child.”

“I…”

“I am  _ not  _ done,” She bit back, and he snapped his mouth shut, “Can you imagine what it’s like to walk into the hospital where your children are supposed to save lives and ask what room your son’s ex-wife is in? The room that he put her in? Because he lost a patient?”

“It was a mistake.”

“A mistake?!” He wasn’t expecting his mother to pull the car over and park, turning to face him with a particularly angry expression, “A mistake is writing A on a test when the answer was B. It’s not beating your ex-wife! It’s not gloating to your co-workers about it! You’re lucky Addison only broke your nose because had I been there, I would’ve let her beat you senseless.”

“I’m your son!” He hissed out, “How can you defend what either of them did?! Addison stole Meredith from me! And Meredith cheated on me with Addison! She wanted to say how much she loved me, but she was more than happy to spread her legs for Addison, while I was trying to get the use of my hand back!”

“Meredith and Addison weren’t having an affair, Derek, for God’s sake!”

“Yes, they were!” He answered, unable to hold back his anger, “Every time Addison came back, every time, Meredith was fucking her behind my back!”

“Then why did she agree to marry you in the first place? And have a family with you? Why didn’t she just go to L.A. with Addison?”

“Because,” he began.

“Because she loved you, Derek.” She cut him off, “Meredith loved you. And until you started to push her away, she wanted you. And then the clinical trial happened.”

“You weren’t there!” He replied, “You don’t know anything!”

“I know exactly what your co-workers told me, Derek. How you and Meredith were constantly fighting over everything. How you practically forced her out of Neuro as her specialty.”

“I did not,” he bit back, but his mother pulled the conversation back.

“Amelia had called me, and I took the first flight up. I held your baby sister as she cried in my arms. She apologized to me because she hadn't seen it coming. To  _ me _ , Derek! She knew you were spiraling, but no one could do anything. She couldn’t do anything. Because she was afraid of you,” she took a breath and continued, “I walked into Meredith’s hospital room, Derek. I wasn’t sure what to expect. She was sleeping. And Addison was sleeping beside her, was holding her so tenderly, and I saw what you did to her, Derek. You hurt her. You beat her. You did that to her.” He looked away, shame burning his face, “You lost any right you thought you had to Meredith the moment you put your hands on her, Derek. So whatever reunion you think is going to happen, it isn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” he muttered.

“That doesn’t mean anything to me. You didn’t lose my love, Derek. You will always be my son, and I will always love you. But you need to earn my respect back. Because I never raised an abusive, wife beater,” She took a breath and started the car again, “Decide what you’d like for lunch, and we’ll eat on the way home.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

* * *

He stared at the photos sitting on the mantel. He remembered after his dad had died how he spent hours staring at his parent’s wedding photo. Wondering how he could really be gone, wishing it had all been a dream. His parents looked so happy in that photo. 

He took in Mark and Lexie’s wedding photo first, how happy they looked; Lexie’s dress was gorgeous, and Mark looked great in his tux. They had their heads bent together, their eyes closed, holding hands as the photographer took the photo. They were so in love, and you could see it captured perfectly in the photo. It was exactly what they’d deserved. A happy life together. They were soulmates; the same way he had thought that he and Addison were, the same way he and Meredith should’ve been. 

“It was a beautiful ceremony,” his mother spoke up from behind him, and she wordlessly handed him the photo of the full bridal party. Ah, there was Meredith. She looked gorgeous in her pale blue dress, “Meredith was Lexie’s maid-of-honor. And Callie was Mark’s best man,” She continued, “It was a small ceremony.” He caught sight of Addison and Owen on Mark’s side, and Amelia and Cristina on Lexie’s, Thatcher standing beside Lexie and his mother beside Mark.

“Did they pick and choose?” he asked, confused by the mixed bunch.

“Lexie asked if Cristina and Amelia would be her bride’s maid’s actually. Cristina was her mentor, and Amelia and Lexie are still co-heads at work. And Addison and Owen offered to be Mark’s groomsmen.” 

“And you went,” he muttered softly.

“I had to give my other son away, yes,” She replied patiently.

It was hard to believe that he’d missed so much. He handed the bridal party picture back and turned to the third wedding photo. He was dreading it, had thought to avoid it all together. But he couldn’t.

They looked so happy. Happier than he’d seen them both. Addison’s smile was blinding, and she looked happier than the day he’d asked her to marry him. Meredith was smiling a full smile, something she’d rarely done, and she looked happier than when they had gotten Zola back. There was so much love in their eyes as the photographer captured them coming down the aisle together, and as much as he hated to admit it, it was there.

* * *

Like she’d done with Mark and Lexie’s photos, Caroline showed Derek another of Meredith and Addison’s. This one had Zola and Henry in it, Addison holding Zola and Meredith holding Henry, as all four smiled for the camera. He had to get it through his thick skull that they were happy. He had to see it. He could be as remorseful as he wanted, but until he understood that Addison and Meredith were genuinely happy, she doubted he would let his resentment go. 

“Zola’s gotten so big,” she heard him mutter, “And who’s…”

“That’s Henry. Meredith and Addison adopted him when he was a few hours old.”

“Oh.”

She saw the moment it finally clicked in his eyes. That Addison and Meredith were happy, that Meredith had moved on, that there hadn’t been some grand affair, like he’d believed for years. They were just Meredith and Addison. And that was all they needed to be.

* * *

Addison woke up to her wife’s gentle kisses along her neck. She smiled softly, not quite ready to open her eyes. Meredith hummed softly and leaned over her, and she took the moment to kiss her properly. She never would’ve believed this was possible, that she could be this happy. After everything she had done wrong in her life, she hadn’t believed she deserved any happiness at all. But every day, Meredith proved her wrong. Every day, Meredith saved her.

She thought back to that moment, on the sidewalk, watching Meredith move without seeing. She couldn’t lose her. That thought had pounded itself into her brain. She wouldn’t allow herself to lose the one piece of happiness in her life. And, back then, Meredith was that. And now, that happiness was their little family, Zola and Henry and Meredith. And it was all she’d wanted, all she deserved.

Meredith pulled her from her thoughts, “You in there somewhere, Doctor Montgomery-Grey?”

She smiled and kissed her again, “I am, Doctor Montgomery-Grey.”

It had been a big deal to Meredith that she not be called Mrs. when they got married; she’d listened as Meredith had recounted the time Derek had been invited to an event after they were married and the card had read Dr. Derek and Mrs. Shepherd. But that had been Derek and his ego. She and Meredith were both doctors, so to be married as anything other than that would’ve been a disservice to them both.

Meredith smiled into the kiss, and she took the moment to wrap her arms around her wife, making Meredith laugh softly as she settled against her. She looked down at this beautiful woman, who, once upon a time, she should’ve hated but had somehow fallen for. She never wanted to imagine a world without her again. 

“I never want to lose you, Meredith,” She said quietly, “I can’t lose you.”

Meredith kissed her gently, and as she started to respond to it, the blonde deepened the kiss, making her moan. When they finally broke for air, Meredith shifted to hold her close. She still couldn’t believe how lucky she’d gotten.

“You will never lose me, Addison,” Meredith answered, gently tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, “Because I can’t lose you either.”

She relaxed in her wife’s arms, sighing softly.

“How about we make use of a kid-free house?” Meredith muttered against her ear.

She arched an eyebrow and grinned, kissing her softly, “Oh, do tell.”

“Oh, it starts with,” Meredith began, and whatever else was said was lost as Meredith’s hands traveled under the covers.

They’d come so far, survived so much. And this was what they deserved. Their happy ending. Together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks so much for reading this insanely long fic! Means the world. Until next time!  
> Hime

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't forget to review.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [We Weren't Young Anymore (But We Were Restless)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26894131) by [bobbiejelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobbiejelly/pseuds/bobbiejelly)




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